Sit pretty
Smile wide
Even though
You're dead inside
Take a breath
And force them down
All your emotions
Till you drown  
Only then will they all see
How picture perfect I could be

She is my person
When I cry I turn to her
When I want to die I turn to her
She listens and she speaks
Softly, gently, understanding    
When I worsen
She's there for me
She's given me help
She's made me speak
She is strong when I am weak

White walls
White walls
So near to the end
If I struggled a bit more      
I could be free again

Free to run
Free to dance
Not just sitting
In a trance
Staring at all these
White walls.

Smothered in love
Struggling to breathe
All I want
Is for them to leave

They just want to help
Not worsen my life
It's just much more pressure
Which leads to more strife

Brave
Courageous
Loved by all
Only after we fall.
In life we are
Fragile
Depressive
Unstable.
Able to change yet
Unwilling to try
Nobody knows until
The day that you die

I confided in you
I didn't know you for you
Before you were her
But now I can see                                
You are the person I've wanted to be.

How could I know
The troubles below  
You had been so flamboyant
You were struggling
Just like me.                  
                        
Words of encouragement
Lines of support
When I had lost hope
You were there for me

I told you I'd had it
I told you I'm through
But you knew exactly
What you should do
You listed off names
Of all those that I love
Now how could I possibly
Try and give up?        
You gave me the strength        
You knew that I had
You made my day
So much less bad
I owe you forever
I want you to know
You're always there for me
When I fall below

The screen lights up
So does my world
A simple snap
A brief frame
Reminding me
I am still sane
I can do this
I should try that      
It's hard, I say    
You say it's ok    
The picture fades
I wipe my eyes  
It goes away
Part of me dies

All they want is to be there for me
But no matter how I try
All of their good wishes
Only ever make me cry.
I need to be alone I say
I only need a day.
Weeks later they return again
And then they wonder, Why?
They coax and smile their pity grins
Telling me to lift my chin.
Things will get better,
I will move on.
But then again I am already
Gone.

written January 25, 2015

"Even a two hour absence of you is enough to make me break down crying wondering why you left
I'm anxiously awaiting a message from you but the phone screen remains as black as the night above
And it makes me wonder, scared shitless if the day comes when I no longer have you, and the phone screen remains message-less
days upon days
Because just these two hourss, and I'm already consumed with thought on why you're not texting me back
And today is the day I know I'm in too deep"