Sometimes I just look at you and smile,
Because I see glimmers of the future in your eyes...
And my god I've never looked happier.

I always thought I didn't have a purpose in life.
It wasn't until you called me because you couldn't deal with life
Did I finally understand my purpose.
When you were at your worst I made you smile and laugh
And everything suddenly makes sense

I love you more than life and more than death

“Go back to sleep love.”

I can’t

“What’s wrong?”

I’m not sure. I can’t tell if it’s one big thing or a million small things that is bothering me at the moment.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Not right now. Maybe in the morning.

“Alright, well come closer so I can cuddle you. That’s better. I can’t promise to solve all your problems my dear, although I wish I could. I can however, promise that you don’t need to face them alone. I’m always here, even if you can’t see me. “

I’m just not used to having someone with me.

“I know, but you don’t have to fight your problems alone anymore. You’ve got me.”

Thank you for staying up with me. I’m getting a bit tired now.

“Always. Goodnight darling.”

Goodnight...I love you

“I love you too”

Four words hold such destruction and chaos in them.

You say that you’ll always be there for me,
But how can you say that when you haven’t even seen the glimpse of my mind?
You say that you care for me,
But I’ve heard those words before
By many different people
Who are now long gone.
So, I ask you
How can you say these things without knowing if you mean them?
And more importantly,
How do you expect me to believe you when everyone else who has ever said that to me, left?

I can see past their hollow reassurances.
I know that they have sympathy but nothing beyond that.

Just a quick glance my way with those pitty full eyes that speak,
"You poor soul. I wish I could help you. I wish you the best in your journeys."
But they will never actually help me.
...

Standing in the middle of the street.
A bus screeches to a halt.
It stops inches away from me.
The driver looks at me with those same eyes,
But he does not go out to help me.
No one does, he just drives around me.
Some people stare at me with pity, others judgement,
But none will help me.
That's the tragedy of living,

You have to learn to pick yourself up because no one else will.

Sometimes there are days where I feel like Atlas,
Carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Sometimes there are days where I can feel every single little thing,
Every touch and every emotion.

Sometimes there are days where I don't want to live anymore,
For at that time nothing seems possible.

Sometimes there are days where I just I need to be alone,
And sit at the edge on the rooftop of an old building overlooking the city.

Sometimes there are days where I feel lonely,
Like the entire world is against me.

Sometimes there are days like these,
Days that the only thing I can feel is the burning sensation of a blade being dragged across my skin.

Those who try and fail
Aren't failures

Those who don't try at all
Are the ones who are
Failures

I really like staying up,
Because for once
It feels as though the world stops for a few hours.

I don’t know what to do

Maybe you were right

We shouldn’t have

You replaced all the butterflies in my stomach with wasps,
And now every time I think of you,
I get stung

I don't belong in a box
I don't need a label to define
Who I am

I dream of us
Sitting on the couch
Watching movies
And cuddling
Smiling at the happy parts
Laughing at the funny parts
Crying at the sad parts
Holding hands
With the knowledge that it is just us
Together

I'm lost
Lost in the moments where I'm fighting to stay alive
Lost in the oceans of my thoughts
Lost in the fire of my feelings
Lost in the world
Without you

What was supposed to be 15 min turned into 30
And then to 1 hour
And then to 2
And by the time you finally showed up
It was too late.


I was gone

My hands grasp at air,
While my lungs suffocate on the sound of your silence

May our love be modern enough to survive the times,
but old fashioned enough to last forever.

Everyone has a reason

It's all in your mind. They used to say.

Can't you hear it? They're whispering.

It's all in your head. They used to say.

Can't you see it? They're the darkness.

It's existing inside you. They used to say

Can't you feel it? They're running around in circles.

They are no longer in you. They now say.

You've become it.

And after all this time-
I finally understood
Why you never said goodbye.

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I am warm while you are cold.
I am rough while you are smooth.
That's our balance.

One finished work
Over a thousand unfinished

One true love
Over a thousand wasted

One true passion
Over a thousand opportunities

One Masterpiece
Over a thousand failours

One true life
Over a thousand fake

I want to know how you would comfort me if I was with you right now.

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I was walking around Dylan's candy bar. I turned around suddenly and bumped into you. "I'm so sorry!" I said. You laughed and said "It's okay." I stared into your deep blue eyes. "Hi" you said, "Hello" I replied, "My name's Evan. I like your ring." I smiled, "Thank you. My name's Barker." "Are you new around here?" you asked while raising an eyebrow. "No actually, I was here 5 years ago." "Oh ****. Where are you from?" "Ottawa, Canada. You?" "Born and raised here in New York City. It's the only place I've ever known." You said with a smile. You shifted your weight. You seemed nervous. "I know we just met and this might sound crazy, but I was wondering if you would like to go out with me?" you said and I smiled and replied, "I would love to." We walked down and you showed me around New York City. We stopped at an arcade and we played a couple of games. We then continued roaming around. You brought me to a carnival just outside New Yor City. We went on the Ferris wheel and we held hands. We talked about our lives and things that were going on. When we reached the top you put your arm around me and when it was time for me to go you asked me for my number. I gave you my number and we started to text. When I went back home ou called me almost every night. One night we were talking you were walking on 3rd avenue. You made a joke and I was laughing. There was a sudden screech and a sound of a car hitting into something. I heard screams and shouting. People were yelling for someone to call 9-1-1. "Evan? Evan, what's happening?" I asked. You didn't respond. Someone picked up the phone and said "Hello? What is your relationship with this man?". A knot formed in my stomach.  "I'm his best friend." I replied, "Do you know what his name is? Where he lives? What his parents' number is?" I responded and told them your name, where you lived and your parents' number. "What happened?" I asked, "I'm sorry to say this, but your friend was struck by a car." My heart sunk. The person talked to me for a bit, trying his best to comfort me. The ambulance arrived first followed by the police. The person handed me over to the police. The police officer took the phone, "Hello, I heard that you were Evan's friend. I'm sorry to inform you, but he died." I was heartbroken. you were and still are my best friend and I miss you so much. I wish you were still here. I am staying strong. I hope heaven is treating you well. I love you.

There is no stronger poison
Than love
And there is no stronger cure
Than love

Sometimes I wish we never became friends because then I wouldn't take all your troubles and put them on my back. I wouldn't have to keep taking bullets for you and I could finally be at rest.

It's 2 o'clock
I sit on my bed
Tears dripping down my face
I wait for you

My ears catch every sound
I'm shaking
I wait for you

Hold me
Whisper to me that everything will be okay
It's 2 o'clock
I'm waiting for you

I can't stop staring at those ocean eyes.
Burning cities, ****** skies.
Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes.

I can't stop thinking about your diamond mind.
Careful creature, Made friends with time
She left them lonely in her diamond mind.

I'm sitting on the floor
The cold tile floor is the only thing that's keeping me grounded.
Flashbacks start.

I remember you being mad at me and throwing a knife at me.
I remember you being drunk and throwing the beer bottle at me.
I remember when I made a mistake you yelled at me saying
"There is no such thing as mistakes!"
You screamed at me until there were tears coming down.
I remember you said
"It's okay if you did. Confess now I PROMISE I won't be mad"
And when I confessed you got mad and threw me to the ground.
If you wonder why I don't trust people, that's why.

I hear banging on the door.
The flashbacks stop.
I'm back on the floor of the bathroom.
Hands cold.
Heart numb.
Tears dripping down the side of my face.

If only you knew how much I want to be with you.
If only you knew how much you mean to me.
If only you knew how much I love you.
If only you knew how much I care for you.
If only you knew how much I am missing you.
If only you knew how great you are.
If only you knew how I feel about you
If only you knew what I'd do to be with you.
If only you knew I'd sacrifice my beating heart before I lose you.

Maybe you would start to love yourself as much as I love you.