it's been a while since i've heard you say
                                    i love you
so i think about it and if you still love me
                                        like you claim you do
but i dont even know if i love you
like i claim to love you or
                  just the idea of you
and
sadly, that is the worse way to love someone

j.f

i'm jealous of all the people that
can see your eyes glow when the sun stares
can feel your heartbeat when you're out of breath
can see each and every little freckle on your face

i'm terrified that the love you say you have for me
will be gone in a matter of seconds
just when that other girl that can feel your heartbeat
see your eyes glow
that can count each and every freckle you have
will touch your skin
the way i wish i can and you'll love her like you claim you love me
                                                 maybe even more

but it wont be my fault this time
it will be yours and your cowardly way of loving someone

and how in your mind i live 5 thousand miles away from you
when in reality you only live 2 miles away from me

the scars you've had in the past that you can't let go of
you're afraid to feel what you felt for her again
you're afraid to be hurt like she hurt you
but if anything you're not the one getting hurt anymore
i am
and its my pleasure to be breaking from a girl like you ..

j.f

the day i fell in love with you
the sky was grey
the water looked grey
everything seemed grey... but me

i should have known that the color
was a warning
telling me to not fall in love with you

now everything
is full of color
     but me

j.f

i am not in love with you
i'm in love with the way you talk
the way your mind quite works
the way you get things the way you want
the way you say you love me

and i know it sure does seem like i am
with the way i just wrote about yourself
       and the words i wrote with this blue pen
            is actually who you are

but sadly, those are things you're making me believe you are
i'm just in love with the image you made of yourself
and whom you want to believe you are

and frankly, that is the worse way to make someone love you

j.f

You're so beautiful with the red full lips
         big curly dark hair  
                 pale white skin
how you say things
that you read from your favorite book
how you stare
                and admire
the moon when it shines in the dark

But why is it that
I can't just concentrate
at those perfect details anymore
But concentrate deeply
at those rigid wrists of yours
notice perfectly
how every horizontal cut is slowly
stopped at the end
because you were too scared to mark
another secret  

I always wonder what happened
to such a beautiful girl?
what is your story?
why is it that you grab a blade
to make gaps on your wrists
to print scars on your skin for a life time?

and I always wonder
that if you knew about
how much I thought of you

if you would stop

j.f