To the terracotta freckled green eyed boy,

I am not in love with you anymore

If I had told myself that this would happen, I would have told you that you were horribly wrong

Dear boy,
When I see you
my heart does not tap away morse code with heartbeats trying to tell you the extent of my affection

I do not dream of a future with you
Or what our daughter would look like and what she would call your parents

I do not shiver at the thought of joining our bodies in deceleration of our love
covering ourselves in sweat and humanity

I used to call the curve of your neck and the safety of your arms around me home

But I have learned that home is not you, a house, or anyone
It is myself
I will love myself to the ends of the earth
I will learn the curves and nooks of my body
Fall in love with myself because I am courageous and beautifully made

I am not in love with you anymore because I fell in love with myself

I am interested in you
The little things you do
Like how after you get your hair cut short
You still try to brush the hair from your eyes.

I am interested in knowing your family
Because you have parents, aunt, and uncles who adore you
You have a beautiful sister who is amazing and loves you
I am interested in your family because
I have never known that feeling.

I am interested in you.

What makes you, you. What makes you laugh, cry, love - What makes you want to live.

I am interested in making a home in your arms, and decorating the space. To come and rest, for I am tired.

I am interested in loving you.
Trust me, it is the most interesting thing I have ever done.