For the first time today, while napping, I felt myself dying.
Not sick dying, just the passage of time, the slow death.
Time in it's truest fashion, slipping, slipping away.
Sometimes we wish it away, and sometimes it just sneaks away.
Sneaks away during a nap and you suddenly wake up and beg for it back.
Winter has stripped us down the the bone,
it has gone on just too long and we are sick of dreaming of warmth and bees and flower buds.
I know it serves its purpose; a reflection to be hopeful for rebirth.

I think I might just be a lot of talk.
A dreamer.
I dream a lot and the reality doesn’t seem as good.
I’m on the third re-heat of my morning coffee
and the third time around it’s really really not as good.
But this time I put the microwave on high and set it for 2 minutes
so maybe it will be so hot it takes off a layer of my tongue.
I hope it does, but I won’t let it.
I can smell the microwave in the coffee which can only mean I’m drinking parts of the microwave.
And maybe the little parts of the microwave will make my dreams come true.
I picture the little microwave atom waves spinning and bouncing---
and taking me on a long journey.

The thousands of cigarette butts are making me wonder
where all the charred lungs are now.
Maybe the same hands
attached to the arms

attached to the ribs
which encase the lungs
are flicking another **** out the window right now--
sparks sizzling and hopping across the concrete.

My heart frowns inside my chest.
But it’s a different sadness then when I see
the headless raccoon
or the dead deer with its head swung way back.

I shudder when I see a styrofoam box
propped up with an untrustworthy smile on its lid.
Like it’s not going to turn to dust anytime soon
but the greasy chinese takeout inside might.

You can also never trust
the side of the road fire hydrant wearing a pink robe.
My sister just broke up with a boy because he threw
a straw out the window.

This one’s for the grass eaters:
the ones who teeter on the edge of
reality. For the ones who are hyper-
aware of their consciousness. It’s for
the ones who jump on the creaky wooden
floor to witness the annoyance of those
around them. It’s for the smile you let go after
someone catches you trying to ignore
them. It’s for the Ibuprofen that tears the lining of my
esophagus. It’s for rushing to get to church
so God knows you aren’t late. It’s for the baby
cactus that you are in denial of over-watering---
It’s for that handful of grass I just want to
throw in my mouth.

It wasn’t even delivery it was a **** pick up. All I wanted was a medium one topping. Just a delicious Papa John’s with a little beef. Well, turns out me and my car were about to have some beef.

My car and pizza have a history together. Long story short my car is the only nonliving and living thing to hate pizza. I was a pizza delivery driver for a few short months and my car loved driving around except when it came to pizzas and delivering them.

Like I said my car is a human or at minimum a living thing of sorts. The tan-*** ******* smelled the pizza as I scooted behind the wheel with my medium one topping. One sniff and three different lights came popping out at me.

The ABS brake light, air bag light, and the battery light. My car is maniacal! Once I got back home my car wouldn’t start and now I need a new battery and alternator. My car’s best friend even tried to give her a jump but she wouldn’t accept the love.

I love you my lovely car but why do you have to hate pizza so much.

Its hilarious when he says it. Then I say the same sentence but the words come out sounding fumbley and dumb. I end up chuckling it off and we laugh about how dumb it was when I said it. So supposedly it's all about the delivery? I guess I'll work at a pizza place then. Oh wait I already did. Unfortunately I had to stop doing that because it wrecked my car. My car said please no more.

It started with the misfiring. I was like okay let’s take you to the shop. So the misfiring stopped and I said all better now right? Little ham and pineapple to this house, how bout a pepperoni over here. Oh and what about some cheezy bread to 455 Barry Street?

A week later I turned the key and the start up was slow and I could hear the murmurs: please no more. I said come on you are my income. Naturally, the tan beast was relentless and finally I took it to the shop again.

And quit my job.
Which I loved.

Now my beastly and tan station wagon is in tip top condition and I'm going to work on my delivery.
My delivery of words and jokes and actions and kindness and all good things.
But not pizzas.
Even though pizza is a very good thing.

I love you my lovely car please take me on more adventures.

rip it out of from underneath the carpet
squeeze it in between the air particles
fling it around the universe with a tiny string
blast it through all the blades of grass
and once you're done with that
put an acorn cap on top of it
the little hat of an oak's baby
then take a picture of it with the disposable camera
that's tucked in your back pocket
put it in the new but old looking photo album
and cry about how young how beautiful how fortunate
and I will slowly turn through the pages with
my future kids who you
who I cannot even imagine yet

You decided for the night that you were a big sports fan.
You’re not
but we drank some bud light limes
which was fitting because of the shitton of bud light commercials.
We also drank Bells Two Hearted Ale but you only had one sip
because “your palate has changed.”
Whatever.
More for me.

Guys clanked their heads together a few times.
The patriots won.
Who’s Tom Brady again?
We laughed at the illegal face to the hand slow mo’s
and cried at the car commercials.
We cuddled and shared millions of little kisses.
Then we just had to turn on Monsters, INC
which was free online
In honor and celebration of 2/3/19

I stood across from her for three maybe four minutes
in the front of the college campus shuttle bus.

We were hanging on for dear life
because the chaotic bus driver was driving like a maniac.
Speeding, then slamming the brakes, and taking sharp turns.
I think he was just excited there wasn’t snow on the ground anymore.

I liked her silvery, white, and purple tinted hair and
I also noticed that I really liked her makeup.
She was about at eye level with me
and I mentally complimented her height because
tall girls are the best.

We got off the bus and power walked in the same direction:
doesn’t take as many steps when you're five eleven.

We parted ways and two hours later I saw her in the library.
We made brief eye contact and I hope she thought:
"Oh wait that’s
That girl from the bus."

I guess mushroom swiss burgers
are supposed to have mushrooms.
THEY ARE NOT supposed to have
lettuce, tomato, or pickle.
ONLY mushroom and swiss.

The angry and life deprived woman I was looking
down at sternly informed me.

Her burger was rapidly fixed.

The friendly, quiet, and easy table to the left
tipped me eight dollars for my troubles.

There are some good people.
It all comes out in the wash.

Like a golden tree ornament
or an orange bouncy ball.
Spherical, super blood wolf, unbelievable.
You could toss it around in the sky.

We sat on tarps over snow and ooed and awed.
We passed around the binocs.
The only earthly trouble was the minor
frostbite which seeped into our toes.
We saw the total eclipse of the moon.

its hilarious when he says it
then I say the same sentence
but the words sound fumbley and dumb
I end up chuckling it off and we laugh about how dumb it was when I said it

so supposedly it's all about the delivery
I guess I'll work at a pizza place then.
oh wait I already did
but I stopped doing that because it wrecked my car
my car said "please no more"

it started with the misfiring
I was like okay lets take you to the shop
so the misfiring stopped and i was like all better now right?
little ham and pineapple to this house, how bout a pepperoni over here
oh and what about some cheezy bread to 455 barry st.

a week later i turned the key and the start up was slow and i could hear the murmurs
"please no more"
I was like come on you are my income
but the tan beast was relentless and finally I took it to the shop again
and quit my job.
now my beastly and tan station wagon is in tip top condition
and I'm going to work on my delivery
of words and jokes and actions and kindness and all good things
but not pizzas
even though pizza is a very good thing
i love you my lovely car please take me on more adventures

today my grandma told me something
something I never knew
and something she'd never forget
she told me I was baptized in tie dye socks
tiny little feet
tiny little socks
baptized in tiny little tie dye socks

We were unknowingly stuck at a broken stoplight as I was watching you dramatically mouth the words to Use Somebody by Kings of Leon. I was cracking up in the passenger seat but all of a sudden the song changes and I'm wondering why the light is still red.

We brush it aside and listen to the next song while paying close attention to the stoplight cycles.

The third song comes on and at this point everyone is aware something is up. We look around for that line up of cars and sure enough.
Cars from behind are turning around and cars in the front of us take the safe right turn instead.

It was funny.

The way all the cars reacted at the same time. As if a plane with a banner was in the sky saying: THIS LIGHT IS NOT FUNCTIONING.

All this to say that sometimes, if not always, humans are secretly on the same wavelength.

You are my favorite passenger
my driver through tired eyes

You are my Nebraska rest stop lover
and the morning kiss in the tent.

You make my lips curl to a smile
and dance along your face.

You are the lime in my corona
and the clank to my bottle.

You are not my smores poptart
more like my layered dip

You're my backseat snoozer
and my cutest cuddle duddle

My late night fisherman
and my serving counterpart

You're my badlands baby cakes

You fill up my heart

You fill up my heart

college is suffocating.
chained by assignments due tomorrow.
eyelids heavy from five AM shifts
humans glued to screens
bus rides with thoughts unshared
world unexplored
stress high
falling deeper in debt
excited for this sumemr
when the sequioas scoop me up
swallow me whole
and set me free

My idea of a good morning is at six AM
when two cases of fettuccine alfredo,
captured by the gravity of this planet,
dive for the white speckled tile.
Trying to **** me.
Glass, alfredo, smell of cheap pasta in the air.
I look around
sigh
delicately begin to pick up glass.
Tiny shards make my skin their home.
My leather boots have never encountered such a substance.
Oh fettuccine, sweet fettuccine
I will never consume again.

Why do I feel like just a machine?
With the inabilty to think, to hope.... to dream.

Mindless work that covers all of the hours..
I get home, plop on my bed
through a grumpy mind, I feel sour

To use my mind in healthy ways
not stocking shelves or pulling weeds.

Go for a bike ride
read and write some more
to be intentional..
But nope only time to snore.

tendency to hate
but constantly seek out.

Trees are wiser.
Trees are stronger.
Trees are most content.

Trees are taller.
Trees live longer.
Trees do not need shelter.

Trees are tougher.
Trees don't complain.
Trees have the most secrets and stories untold.

Trees are rooted deep.
Trees reach the clouds.
Trees provide homes to animals,
and us.

The greatest providers.
Trees are incomprehensible.
Trees have been since the beginning of time.

If you need advice...
Ask a nearby tree.

The first time I stepped inside the house, there were strangers.
They had grimy faces and leather boots caked in wet mud.
Anxiety was radiating from me.
I was the new member of the tribe in this unknown territory.
I watched them devouring old soggy food.
"You're gonna love it here" One said.
a bit of relief was lifted--
and the strangers became my friends.

The first time I saw you
I thought you were a boy
January ten, you had just arrived
now the wild nine year old that I basically raised
too much energy, but eats too little.
the lego playing, dragon-loving, wild-life biologist
who loves Alexander Hamilton
she laughs at my jokes, she's my light

the rain drop that dangled from your earlobe
hit me in the face
it was ice-cold
I crinkled my nose and smiled

Long distance had its hardships
but now we're nice and close
let's hangout a few more times
and just see how it goes.
Maybe our relationship wasn't built to last.
and I made too many mistakes over time...
but what about this summer?
give it one more try.
I can be yours
and you can be mine.

open stare
barred teeth glare
absolutely no hair
eating a pear
and running for mayor

Abandoned, round, and a beige off-white--
gallivanting along the curb, what a random sight.

One strong gust of wind, and oh Lord!
The yoga ball will shimmy head on with a Ford!

Will it pop, bounce, or cause a heart attack?
I should've snagged it for my future 6-pack.

Thank you, oh rogue yoga ball, that dwell in the street--
for a smile in my soul and this random sight here on the concrete.

Take your shoes off...
step outside,
smile
and feel alive.

I wish I could pull off calling everyone babe.
Like the bus driver did.

Leave a green tree in your heart
in hopes that a bird will come and sing in it

“You, yeah you!”
“I love you”
“Let's get married”

I wish large groundhog signs were all over the place
and obnoxious middle schoolers weren't so cute and lovable

Sometimes I order coffee
and fill up the cup with sprite when the guy isn't looking

I need another person with me in order to impulse buy.
That's why I didn't get the owl painting.

I wish I could use spoons as instruments
as flawlessly as the woman downtown did.

Try not to give a **** what anybody thinks
just get comfortable.

Peanut butter and jelly with a side of chips and cheese
may seem like a strange combination
but I liked it.

I wish I bought the tank top with the trees and tent design
but I didn't have somebody else with me.

I also like bonding over little things
with random people.

Cause the little things
are the big things.

It's that constant debate..
I want to eat chips when it's late,
but do I really want to be
sleeping on roasted garlic crumbs
when the snoozin' time comes

Dreaming
Controlling
So
Vivid
Cannot
Wake
UP
Cannot
move
my limbs
Paralyzed
from the neck down
Oh wait
It's just
Sleep Paralysis
Relieved

When the timing is right
and the wind chimes are singing
and the lemons and limes are squeezin
and the words are rhymin
and the tree climbers are climbin
and the deaf are signin
and you are lookin so fiine-in
is when you take off your watch
and time stops timin.
Time stops timin
and the world becomes
timeless

sittin on the porch
on a broken chair
wondering what the world
is doing way out there
sittin on a porch
on a broken chair
thinking about how every house
should have a porch
sittin on a porch
right after a shower
thinking about how on a porch
I could pass a lot of hours
sittin on a porch
feelin fresh and clean
wonderin why the world
sometimes has to be so mean
sittin on a porch
and I feeeeel
happy hearted
and
full.
of.
Love.

The enchiladas are taking too long
BUT I DON'T EVEN CARE
:)

Is college for me?
I constantly ask.

"It'll be worth it"
They say
"You won't regret it."

Be careful when you peel your battles
Cause some oranges fight back.

It all happened while I was standing in a hallway
I peeled and orange, and it fought back

I stood there trying to get beaneath the skin
but it's juice dripped uncontrollably

The venom of the peel shot into my eye
and I was half-blind as the fight continued

I managed to get off a thumb-sized peel
it hit the carpet, with a thud
just kidding peels don't make noise when they fall
but I heard a thud in my mind

I gouged out one slice, mangeld, yet juicy
and handed it to a boy named Timmy

Timmy nodded, and said
"This is a good one, definitely worth the fight!"

The juice was so extreme
it was hitting my head, mid section, arms, and legs with full force

Almost beat, but not quite I looked down at my body..
I was thoroughly covered with orange insides

This was the last straw,
still peel covered, and losing lots of juice...
I opened it in half

Juice exploded everywhere and my hands were so slippery...
the entire orance took its plumet to the carpet

The orange fought back, and I didn't get to eat it
it saw its happy ending in the trash can

Oh how I wanted that orange
The orange that fought back.

Fluffy snow was drifting late at night,
and the light pollution in the parking lot
captured each snowflake's descent.

"Locate your flake"
said the boy, whose name
rhymes with teal
and is also a sitting postion in the catholic church

The one as high up as you can see
The one that speaks to you.

Watch that one until it hits your tongue.
and you will be blessed.

Chex chocolate
somehow manages
the perfect amount of chocolate
and plain chex
I had four bowls in one sitting

cracklin' oats
so sweet so round
don't even crackle
they don't make a sound

cracklin oats
I could eat ferdayz
but they should be called granola O's
if people followed my wayz

So much anticipation
for the day we anticipate
After today we'll do the opposite of grieve
because guess what
it's groundhogs day eve

I think about you around the clock
hey cutie, you're my writers block

We tried to write creatively
But ended up laughing histerically
We chucked bowling ***** as fast as rockets
But later ended up with quail in our pockets

We trudged (cause we do that)
Tiki torches in hand,
Snowshoeing through snow
Which is the opposite of sand

We took a coffee break, and gave our teacher a phone
A couple days later we visited Dolores in the home
Dolores lost her memory, but her legacy remains
Phoenix road, bethal church, will walk through memory lane

We hopped on roofs, just to pass the time
We jammed to a band funk, and a bit of crime
We danced on empty balconies, which was pretty neat
Luckily we had dancing shoes strapped onto our feet

We sentenced a girl to 12 hours of service
Watching her testimony made me nervous
We hiked ol vanralte after the intensity
I’ll never be a lawyer, there’s too much density. (yeah I have no idea)

Tulip time finally showed, bringing us lemonade
I watched you play trombone in the parade.
Slacklining in kollen park is always a highlight
Railroad tracks and corndogs also made my day bright.

We spent some nights on beaches, feeling so free
Finally, we kissed under a willow tree.

We made a card for our favorite teacher
We talked smack about jakeke
We madeout in rental houses
on tiny, old,  living room couches
(help)

We climbed never ending stayercases
We read the bible under a sunset
We walked through pirates cove
We crowd surfed to metal concerts

We kissed after mountain biking
Yeah mountain biking, no big deal
We met a man named Russ
We forgot his name for a while, but it came to me during a meal (lies)

We decorated jakes car
Jake come back we're your friends
Jake wy are you in Wyoming
Come back to jakeshouse

We rolled the streets on purple walkers
What more is there to life
Not much, except for JAKESHOUSE
But we weren’t allowed in there most of the time

We let go a Chinese lantern
Aftering becoming emotionally attached
The rest of the night is forgettable,
But also memorable, in it’s own way

We made fires on the tops of very north points
We climbed mountains
jumped off cliffs
built fires

We cuddled on nasty couches
embraced the PDA
We played pool against weird black guys
got a freaking good deal at subway
AAY

We saw a scout become an eagle
And a 12 year old in the basement

We made a difference one morning,
Then we napped til two, it was nice
We almost went to a haunted bog walk
But chose not to. Twice.

We drove on the muthafuckin sidewalk,
Right into some mud,
But tyler came to the rescue and to talk
And pulled us out with a thud

We chatted in halls,
And he was late to class.
Everyday in ol chem,
tardy Tim with no pass.

We watched monsters incorporated
In a questionable basement
a 2319 is all you need
for anything ever

We played boggle in a fish bowl
not a literal fishbowl and we didn't eat soup
that was the name of a coffee shop
where you ate froot loops

I hope that this year is better than the first 3 days.
haha.
ha.
haaaa.

I popped 2015 in the toaster
and said,
"don't burn"

"but be beautifully crunchy
& a little burnt around the edges"

I love mornigns
Mornign coffee
and mornign walks
they are so great.

I woke up and my eyes are faucets.
A warm salty faucet.
An everflowing constant stream.

So I filled up my coffee ***
with my brand new faucet.
Sat on the couch and the sink was still running.

Through watery eyes I looked out the window.
A foggy morning.
A thick fog surrounding everything.

It was fitting
My life seems like one big fog
I'm just waiting for it to clear
And the faucet to turn off.

There sat the pink vitamin water.
It stared right into my anxious mind.
Or rather I stared at it through my anxious mind.
If I drifted my gaze I saw
long blue coats, dreds, hippie outfits, beards galore and three garbage ladies wearing uggs.
Surrounded by strangers.
New faces, yet it doesn't seem shocking.
It was okay after a quick smile from a guy wearing sunglasses
And melting my worries away in the sauna.

on the carpet
on the back
hands on the hips
legs in the air
rolling
rolling
rolling
people should roll more often
rolling should be a common activity
like dancing
dancing was made for every human being
I think so
dancing makes people happy
it's weird
but joyful
joooyyyyfuuuull!
back to the carpet
looking at the sloth
the sloth with the american sunglasses
red white and blue
red. white. and
BLUE.
back to the carpet
rolled to the dining hall
where I met with my happy lil crew.
happy lil crew.
everyone needs a happy lil crew

I have recently grown to appreciate the Fall
Orange, Red, Yellow
Pumpkins, Leaves, Apple Cider
Makes me happy to be named
Autumn

walking outside alone
on the sidewalk
in the woods
the city streets
in the country
makes you one of the billion
human beings
on the loose

floating in space
with no trace
of the human race

oh wait there's a satellite