I guess you didn't know
That you were keeping me sane
I'm back to razors and bottles and blunts
Again

Today was the first day
I saw him cry

It scared me

I never knew
I could have that affect
On people

Is it good?
Or evil?

These intentions I have

Love ***** sometimes

Sometimes I need you
More than you need me
And on those nights
I lay alone
And I cry the pain away

But darling
I can never be
What you want me to be
If what you want me to be
Is happy

With a pen in one hand
And a blade in the other
She's back at it again.

I'm sick of crying
Myself to sleep every night
I wish this would end

the first time i broke a boy’s heart
i cried as i watched his love bleed for me
it poured out into my hands and still sticks to my hair this day
i smell its death in the wind

now, i break hearts with no pain, no remorse
i watch the light flee from their eyes and i no longer cry
what it’s like to be me?

feel nothing
create chaos
feel nothing

They tell you to let go
But they never tell you how

but it is not that easy
distinguishing the need to extinguish
can only be perfected through repeated failures
burn holes of mistakes that will last, not a lifetime
but long enough for you to still smell the smoke
in your clothes and in your hair
maybe just your memory
i don’t know
but i still smell it

so I let you have *** with me
knowing this will lead
to nothing more than maybe a text
“see you again next week”

I let you have *** with me
so I can pretend
that when you hold my hand
it means the same to you as it does to me

and I let you have *** with me
and I let you have *** with me

made my bed for the first time since you left
now it’s easier to pretend as if
you’ve never laid your head beside mine
almost

i still can’t bear to look at the dishes
the ***** plates from our last dinner together
i hope they rot