Is it the green in her eyes when she looks at me and smiles?
Perhaps it's the red of her cheeks when she blushes.
Black like her eyeliner and nails, is that it?
Red like the blood pulsing through my body coming to the surface at her every touch.
The perfect mix of brown, blonde and black in a messy ponytail slowly coming undone.
The darkest shade of blue when I'm missing her touch.
The colors of her paint a picture that only I can see the beauty in.
If only she could see.
She's a masterpiece and she is the artist.
Everytime I see her I'm mesmerized by every detail.
The crinkle of her eyes as she laughs.
The smile she gives me when she thinks I don't see.
Her eyes looking at something she loves.
She's my masterpiece, my favorite artist

She looked at me and told me "tell me your favorite color"
How can I tell her that it's her that is my favorite color?

You told me that you still think about us but that it does not mean you do not want to be with someone else
And in a strange way it gives me comfort to know that you could see a girl with long black hair walking down the street or hear my favorite song on the radio or even catch the smallest trace of my scent on that old T-shirt and if it just for a fleeting moment you feel a pang longing for me somewhere in your heart
Even if it is small like a cancer cell
I wonder if it will grow
Extend this body of harm,
Poison your emotions with the stains of our love
Or if maybe her love will attack this parasite
And leave me unidentified as if I were never there in the first place
Towering over me like a building with a plane about to crash into it
The audience wonders if the pilot will turn in time
I hope she falls in love with you
And I hope she feels the silence in her bones when you kiss her
I wonder if you will think of me
Let the world whisper love letters I never sent to you in your ears
Let each letter be carved into your lips, hoping it does not stain hers enough for her to notice when she is getting ready for dinner
And I only just hope you will leave the radio on

Don’t drag that blade across your skin
Don’t take those pills
Don’t take that jump
Take the rope from around your neck and get down from that chair
Turn off the car, open the garage and take a  breathe
Look around
You think you’re alone just because you don’t have someone there with you, right?
You’re wrong
You’re not alone
I don’t know the reason that you feel like taking your own life is the best way
You are making a mistake
I’m sure that the past hasn’t treated you well
I understand that
I’ve been through that
I know you feel like the world is against you but it’s not
Imagine this
Imagine you really do it
What would happen?
You think that no one cares
Imagine this, someone finds you
They call out your name
No answer
They go towards you and realize what you have done
They take your hand in theirs
It’s cold
No pulse at all
Taking out their phone they call the police
They try to explain what happened but they can’t
They are freaking out
The police arrive
The next day at school there is an announcement
They tell the school that there has been a tragedy
It’s announced that you committed suicide
No one says anything
They are all in shock
Finally the silence is broken when one student begins sobbing
They all think of the last thing they said to you
They wonder if their words pushed you to do it
Your teachers don’t know what to do
No one saw it coming
They didn’t see the signs
Time passes
One of your old teachers drive by your house
They slow down
Then stop down the road
They turn off the car and begin crying
They wonder what you would have been doing now if you didn’t end it
Someone who went to school with you goes by your grave
They sit down by it and begin to speak
They tell you all the things they wish they would have said when you were alive
They tell you that you’re beautiful and missed
That they always loved you
They were afraid to talk to you but they love you
They wish they could have helped
You are sitting alone right now
You think no one will care
You think that what you want to do wont matter
You’re wrong
You will be missed

If I had a blade I’d be using it
If I had pills I’d be popping them
If there was a tall building around I’d be jumping from it
If I had a rope I’d be tying it
If I was home alone I’d sit in the garage with the car running
Death is on my mind
I feel as if the world would be better off without me
These thoughts fill my head
It becomes all I think about
Ways to **** myself
It’s so easy to say
Yet it’s so hard to do it
Something is stopping me
But what?
I’m alone
I have no friends
No support
I have no lover
I have no family
Why am I here?
I have a blade yet I’m not using it
I have pills yet I’m not popping them
There are tall buildings all around me yet I’m not jumping from them
I have rope yet I’m not tying it
I’m home alone yet the car is off
Death is no longer on my mind
I feel as if the world needs me here
Those bad thoughts all left my head
I no longer think about it
Those crazy ways to **** myself
It’s hard to think about
I was not able to do it
There was something stopping me
I now know what it was
I’m not alone
I have friends
I have support all around me
I have people whom love me
I have a family
Now I know why I’m here

Have I forgiven your mistakes or rather forgotten them? I find myself going round and round searching for who you're supposed to be. I'm trying to find a way out of this but I feel like you left me in the dark. You left me searching for love and I can see it in the distance but it's slowly slipping away. Who I am is not who you want me to be and rather than accept it you fight back. You call me baby girl and Princess more than you say my own name. and I let you. I do nothing as you call me a name that is not me. I carry on like inside its not slowly killing me. I say nothing because I feel like I need you in my life. I give myself to you and you want someone different. You want someone who fulfills your expectations but that is not me. Over and over you slowly break me but yet I keep trying. I try because I never know when to give up. You leave me thinking about who I am and who you want me to be. You want a daughter but I am your son. You hurt me over and over but yet I come back to you which leads me to wonder, have i forgiven your mistakes or rather forgotten them?

Mirrors show the cracks
And those cracks are etched into the skin
Deepened by time and pressure
Eyes hard likes rock upon a beach
Letting the water crash over them
In an instant the mirror shatters sending shards flying
Never quite the same again
Everyone stops to stare but do they truly see

When someone asks "who are you?" What do you say?
Do you answer who you were yesterday?
Who am I truly?

We live in a world where we are told to have pride.
Yet all these people are defined by their sweet ride.
You are not your past
Those things you did, well those memories won't last

Wait, so who are we?
What the hell do those people see?
Do they see me as a girl or as a man?
The truth is no one really has a plan.
We go with the flow,
Our minds never really slow.

Me, I am lost
All the madness, if only they saw the cost.
Who are we?
Nearly what we hope to be...
Or wait, we are only what people say,
Who we are changes day to day.

They define us by; our sexuality, our style, our weight
Our grades, our jobs, our friends, our past but wait,
Who you are truly is who you are on late nights
Who you are when nothing seems to go right.

When you're alone in your room,
when you have a tough day,
You put on a brave face to convince everyone you're okay
For that is who you are truly.

Dear “father,”
          You don’t even deserve that title. You are not my father. You are the one who helped create the cells that became me. I have some of your traits and sadly your last name, although I don’t go by it anymore. You think you are a father because you were there for part of my life but you are not a father to me nor my sister. A father does not walk away from his youngest child. A father would not treat me the way that you did. If anyone says you are my father they are wrong. You have done nothing for me. I have a man in my life, he is my father. He is everything you never were. Unlike you he cares, not only does he care but he doesn’t give up. He’s not a coward and he’s not an idiot.
             So what is a father? Is your father the one who pulls you close and onto his lap when you go to kiss him goodnight? Or maybe it’s the one who sees past the fake smile, could it be the one who accepts you no matter what? My father has been there for my hardest times. You sir are not my father. Show the world who you really are. You are a coward, you don’t deserve me in your life.
               When I realized who you really are I stopped calling you dad, you were just Bob after that. How does it feel knowing a call another man Dad? How does it feel knowing I don’t want your last name anymore? How does it feel knowing you lost me? Tell me, how does it feel knowing you aren’t really a father?

Often he feels as if he killed her. she was a daughter, a sister, niece, granddaughter, Aunt and a girlfriend.
No longer is she any of those things because she became him.
Now he is a son, brother, nephew, grandson, uncle and boyfriend.
She left behind a life for him, a life he now lives.
He lived inside her for too long and now he is free but many still see him as he used to be.
They see him as her but he is not her, he is just him.
So now he feels trapped, how could he explain that he is not her?
It's like her stole her life and who she used to be, which leads him to often believe that he killed her.