April

April Dec 2014

5 days

Five days, each, we do the same
rise to the sun
mold our face

hard desks, loud voices
we take notes
they think we care
all it takes, a second- earns a twitch of the finger
but they don't see

we are safe

Yet here we sit
we wonder why
before us- the scientist, the detective
most referred- the counselor awaits

we ponder
do they know
pain is what we crave

we see no perceptive
cross their face

all we can do is wait

April Dec 2014

Life Shouldn't be a Sentence

I'm back again
the me that cries
nights spent sitting up
eyes watching nothing

I'm back again
the me that lost the will to fight
classrooms, bustle with gossip
students trying,
barely awake
eyes blurry
I wish I had no more time

I'm back again
the me that feels the tile beneath my knees
throat raw
distant voices- happy, alive
eyes deceiving
I can feel the time getting shorter and shorter

I'm back again
the me who is restrained
anxiety more severe, pounding on my chest
eyes closed
I know they turned back the clock
sentenced me with more time

I'm back again
the me who has to find the right way
path or no path
life has been given to me

#sad #life

April Dec 2014

Pin me down

I should have never believed you
when you said 'everything was going to be okay'

I'm watching them bury you six feet deep
and all I can think about
is how we can meet again

I know if you were here
you'd hold my arm down
and whisper in my ear
'don't shed a tear, you'll survive'

but you're not here
and no ones left to pin me down
it's me and my brain
and everything is a sign
telling me-
'you're better off dead'

no doubt about this one- definitely dark and not something, someone normal would write on there bday... anyways comments, feedback :)

April Nov 2014

Stand on Me

I’m on the floor clutching my chest
You stood on me for years
Every second, imprinting my soul

The blackness is creeping on the edges of my sight
Green grass and the sparkling sun lies miles away

And more and more
I can taste the blood on my tongue
bitter and strong

You were here
And I can’t forget- rid you of my memory
I need to breathe
Why did you think you could stand on me?

feedback welcome x

April Nov 2014

I'm the Girl

I'm the four year old girl
who pointed to the funeral home and said, "that's where my dad lives"

I'm the five year old girl who stopped speaking all together
who rather have them figure her out than let them know, her world is cracked

I'm the ten year old girl
whose seen every kind of doctor, yet still not okay

I'm the sixteen year old girl
who has made progress, her world is coming together, but somewhere along the way she lost the most important piece

I'm the girl who wants to sleep, fall into the total darkness

but I'm the girl who won't give up
and somewhere out there
is the boy who will be happy I used my stubborn ways

*someday

feedback always wanted :)

#life #up #give #wont

April Nov 2014

I Can

I can wrap my arms around your middle
pull you tight
feel your heart beat

I can scissor my hands through your hair
savor the strawberry scent each strand gives off
feel you close to me

I can carry you anywhere
hold you like a glass vase
feel just how fragile you really are

I can
But I won't

You told me how he once held you so close
your airways were blocked
and the tears leaking down your cheeks were a plea
you said his touch was fire
and every now and then your hands burn in his memory

He didn't listen

and now I'm here
and I can listen
and I will hear every sound your chapped lips make

most importantly I will wait,
until I can be the man
you deserve

I liked how this turned out, but this meaning was not the original thought for this poem :)

#love #sad #abuse

April Nov 2014

Hope Gone

staring cold eyes
cut my skin in two
a shrill siren blares
there touching
mapping my skin
my eyes surrender to the black

fake exuberant smiles
prepare to tantalize me- shackles and all
my lungs are quitting
there sweet laced tone seems to get louder and louder
my hands are erratic

my fake smile is long gone
there patience has been buried

I'm a part of the bland walls
and the midnight silence
h o p e l e s s

a weird one- trying this new thing where i use more powerful words to get across emotion ha