a cool breeze
miles of sand to herself
why would she ask
to be not alone
people, things, crowded her

like unnecessary clothes worn in the peak of summer
she was already hot
itching to shed her skin
but she knew
beneath everything
an ugly her existed

and if they saw

the skin she built would not shine
no
not anymore
she couldn't risk losing
everything she knew

am I trash to you?
because at 3 am when the moon is at its highest peak
the white noise is breaking down my walls
my throat is raw
screams shatter the pillow, beneath my tear stained cheeks

I wonder
what it would be like to be with you
to hear your unsure words
see those crystal eyes meet mine

but it's 3 am
and I'm alone
And I know the answer

in the silence
our thoughts are the loudest
they're the creaks of the floorboards
letting us know
we are not alone
whether the voices are good or bad
the silence really will never invade our minds

they always say someone is out there
your hero
the savior of your nightmares
but what if
no one is out there
what if they got it all wrong
what if
i have to be strong
because I'm the only one

I told my brother on the first of May
if the tidal waves swallow me whole
if the bags beneath my eyes darken
my weaknesses start to show
don't let my past grow

I said don't you understand
the flower can only flourish for so long
until its time
to be
eternally gone

a week later my brother wrapped his arms around my bare back
he told me
even beyond the time
my heart beats
and my thoughts flow
I will love you
*your spirit will always grow

Dear Dad,
...

Dear Father,
...

I've tried so many ways to say this
so many sentences
details to add
details to delete

i never seem to get it right
I will never be satisfied

I think I found my answer
they speak of hands embracing
sparks flowing from finger tip to finger tip

and that's just it
I can't even get satisfaction over a letter

why

because you will never read it
that's why I can't find the right words to say
because there's just to many words
that will flow
without any meaning

and I just can't let that happen