AprilDawn: Poems

568 · Oct 2014

Peep Show

AprilDawn Oct 2014

not yet in full swing
just the odd tease
of
orange golden streaked
limbs
a seductive wrist flick toss
of ground leaves
among the mostly green grass
the peak
peeking slyly
from still bulging trees
not ready
for the full Monty
yet.

Looking out my front door the past few days , and noticing the beginning of the leaves turning.At this time a slow unfolding , like a strip tease.

#stripleaves

563 · May 2014

Gleam

AprilDawn May 2014

Gleam

I saw the bottom
of the kitchen sink
today
sleek  and shiny
no remnants of  past meals
or baked delights
everything tucked away and clean
my surprised face
reflected around  the shiny  drain
every once in a blue moon
it’s a good thing to see
even if only
a  few scant moments
before  another  meal
is conceived.

I hate doing dishes.A lot of things tend to soak for awhile.I have a dishwasher too...written in pieces over the past 6 years .

#badhabitsdiehard

561 · Nov 2014

Snow Globe

AprilDawn Nov 2014

Snow Globe

town
all shook up
only way
to sparkle today
in this gray haze
flurry flurry
what's your hurry
winter will to trap us
in a hot cocoa
cup
soon enough

It's still Fall ...but it was snowing yesterday. I felt like I was in a snow globe !

#firstflurries

559 · Jun 2014

Archaeological Dig

AprilDawn Jun 2014

Archaeological Dig

discarded pieces
from days long past
crumpled  memories
wallowing in
the absence of sunlight
a welcome  respite
for spaces ,places and times
that dredge up
bittersweet ache
on the blinding  blade
of a shovel
let  them lie in peace
just a bit longer
and perhaps
  the next excavation
will find me  stronger.

Those things you have to sort out as time goes by because you could not let them go, even just digging through lightly brings back both welcome and unwelcome reminders of those tangle of moments & memories we call our lives..

#memoriesthestuffandthingsaremadeof

555 · Jul 2017

Only things

AprilDawn Jul 2017

Only things

I like about
July
are multitudes of pink mimosa trees
on countless country
roads
with orange day lilies
running rampantly
along stranger’s driveways
air thick from
smoky spent fireworks
trigger thoughts
of sad
goodbyes
said way too soon

Too many anniversaries of loss intersect in July for me .

#spentfireworks

555 · Apr 2014

Awakenings

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Awakenings

Wispy blossoms
against the cerulean sky
voracious for sunlight
even rooted in mud
bodacious buds
surrounded by concrete
will not be subdued
they remain
perfectly poised
for ritual splendor.

Gulf coast late winter ,early spring on my college campus almost a decade ago.I was seeing so much around me , I was on my way to the me that is closer to now.

#spiritawakensagain

552 · Jun 2014

Front Door

AprilDawn Jun 2014

Front Door

late  one November day
a dog eared page
from another  chapter
came alive
while crisp leaves
swirled  and twirled
love
burst in
unannounced
so amazed
illuminated
fascinated
intrigued
complex
simple
the short list
fulfilled
can't catch my breath
afraid
brave
alive
pleased
impatient
out of my hands ,
into my  very core-
Welcome.

After Thanksgiving 2007 , the man who helped me find a new chapter in my life appeared . We went to high school together and knew each other somewhat.I had been alone and recovering from my loss for over 5 years at that point.I was ready to start looking. Love has lived with us for over 6 years now .

#loveliveshere

547 · Apr 2014

Lost Harbor

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Lost Harbor

You’ve been gone
for so long now
yet every ripple
reels you back in
I feel your dreams
die inside me
all over again

My late husband always wanted a boat, and never got one .We moved to Houston after his death .Every boat I saw did this to me for a few years .

#unreachedgoals

546 · May 2015

Blaze

AprilDawn May 2015

Blaze

a bright trail
of stark Spring sunshine
through the  bedroom
window shade
pry my eyes open
to see
***** dancing
dust bunnies
reminding me
that
spring cleaning
needs to  move up
on my  to -do
list

yeah....dust bunnies, dog hair and winter clothes have set up camp at our house .Got to get to it !

#dirtydancingdustbunniesgetout

540 · Nov 2016

My delicious

AprilDawn Nov 2016

My delicious

broken heart
made from all the finest
ingredients
baked to perfection
or so I thought
jagged crumbles
trail down my mouth
scrumptious failure
iced with
bittersweet defeat
never tasted
so divine

Even broken cookies taste just fine ...

#cookiefail

539 · Dec 2014

Paw Print

AprilDawn Dec 2014

Paw Print

Her life
flashes through my mind
the love clings
to  my heart
goodbye
minutes away
release
relief
regret
all tangible
grief soaked lines
savage my face
for a hound  girl who's
stubborn  grace
leaves this world today

Had to release my grand pup of 13 1/2 years to the rainbow bridge today.Couldn't afford to bury her or single cremation, only a cast of her paw print.Only pictures and loving memories are left .

#sophiesfarewell

536 · Feb 2017

In Collaboration

AprilDawn Feb 2017

In Collaboration

with yesterday’s fruits
suspended
through  time
and space
a little bit of this
a dash of that
well procrastinated
    till
escaping the mold
is mandatory
with just
a little
wiggle

ok , so I was thinking about how long things in life sometimes can take when you are waiting , and then while eating a jello salad I started to think about this poem...

#weirdobservations

535 · Jan 2015

Reach

AprilDawn Jan 2015

Reach

for the sky
limbs  held high
swirling  sunset
draped like a  cape
  about  rigid shoulders
finally
that   velveteen  night
sprinkled  with  ghost stars
hides your  frozen frame
for a few tame
hours
until  the haze
of morning
streaked
with  a tiny   tease
of  sunlight
highlights
your barren offering
Spring  seems so
far away
you stand firm
against
the naked elements
drawing
graceful patience
from
age old roots
in the slumbering soil
raising hopes
sky high
for an early
vernal equinox

Jan 24,2015 I do so love the easy elegance of leafless trees at late fall and winter as they highlight the coldest of seasons . The anticipation of spring is always joyous.

#bareeleganceofnakedtrees

532 · Apr 2014

Gray Daze

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Gray Daze

crumbly leaves
tell a tale of woe

their misspent youth

a mere haze of glory

here they lay

yesterday’s cast offs

whose  current  claim to fame

is  crunchy carpeting  for wildlife

while their mama’s branches long for baby buds

still swelling deep within

they remain
forgotten

forlorn

forsaken

to almost all

except  the rustle  of the winter winds.

Wrote the first version of this Dec 2013, then edited it Feb 19th 2014 to make more connecting words as it was just too choppy sounding.
Hadn't written any poetry for over a year at this point .

#winter #duldrums

532 · May 2014

Interior Design

AprilDawn May 2014

Interior Design

I wake up everyday
my eyes riveted
to the ceiling
as rainbow flecks
radiate from crystals
that reside in the middle
of the uppermost window

this bedroom marked “private”
on the door
has meant twenty-four months
complete control
freedom to design
every detail, every texture, every nuance
Handpicked

A  vivid palette
splashed onto every square foot
hoping to recapture
life’s intense force
while  it  drowns out
nagging shadows
threatening to swallow
My space

Italian ceramic mask- topped sconces
flanking the empty space
the mosaic mirror
I’m still learning to make
the gilded cream vanity
fit for a princess
still Waits

highlighted memories
fill dusty shelves and cling to walls
called Home now

my queen size bed use to sit quietly
in my guest room
rarely disturbed
now it harbors
my   dreams and fears
afloat on a sea of defiantly feminine
pillows and blankets

an eclectic mix of Me
comes out of every nook and cranny
while my inner sanctum takes shape.

In 2005 , about 2 1/2 years after my husband's unexpected death I began noticing how much life I still had left in me . I had been married for over 20 years and had shared a space all that time.I began to revel in making my own space , with no compromising on colors etc.

#innersanctum

531 · May 2014

Liquid Assets

AprilDawn May 2014

Liquid Assets

Gently shake
that sauce
if you
have a care
the ceiling
needs no spice
the curtains
look so nice
when they are
devoid of flavor.

A dinner scene at my home with my parents and daughter one Sunday meal in 2005 .Mom asked if someone could pass the soy sauce.So Dad did, and loosened the cap first.She did not notice that ...

#sauced

528 · Jul 2014

Sudden departure

AprilDawn Jul 2014

Sudden departure

from
your   cage of fleshly endeavors
closed so many doors
in my face
our future  dissolved
into nothingness
soggy eyes  blinded my
emergency exit
this heart shattered
buckling knees
could barely move
my leaden feet
managed to find
a precariously placed
cement gray
stepping stone
promising  only
  unfathomable desolation
into unknown destinations
   unsolved  mysteries
editing  personal histories
who what  why
riddle psyche and soul
onto  a continuous
loop

July 14, 2002 - now almost 12 years ago, is the day that lives in infamy in my and my families life.My husband of nearly 20 years was murdered in his office. Assailant and reason still unknown .Not a robbery. While my emotions are not as raw as in the early days & months the heartbreak of those first hours and weeks still resounds in me . Unless I get a memory loss disease ,will stay with me until my last day in this earthly shell.Tom , you are not forgotten.That is an ending none of us ever fathomed for you .

#missingyoualways

523 · Jul 2014

Access Denied

AprilDawn Jul 2014

Access Denied

home
was where his heart
intertwined with mine
the cruel flick of a wrist
made sure
I will never go
home
again

Never forgotten, my Tom

#unexpectedmovingday

520 · Jul 2017

Snapped

AprilDawn Jul 2017

Snapped

raw
green beans
this past afternoon
brought back
my Oma
full white apron on
in  the kitchen
one summer
in Germany
decades ago
window wide open
to the garden
sitting at the table
busily breaking them up
together
for her delicious vegetable soup
I'm  helping ,I'm helping
I said as  they broke
in my little fingers
her soup
a mere  memory
as she  stopped making it
   a lifetime ago

Oma was my German grandmother who I visited every summer growing up in the 70's , no matter where we were stationed ( My Dad was in the military ) we always visited her at least once a year .She died in 1982.

#ohsnapmemories

520 · Oct 2014

Crispy

AprilDawn Oct 2014

Crispy

brown leaf
whirls along
the road
disturbed
by golf cart wheels
heads turn
just long enough
to register
it was green
once

2006 poem , edited today.Lived near a golf course in the Houston area and saw a lot of folks running around in golf carts on our subdivision roads.

#leaflitter

519 · May 2014

I Stuffed

AprilDawn May 2014

I Stuffed

your goose
in the oven
made the skin crispy
just like you insisted
the orange sauce
bubbles furiously
as the wild rice simmers
and the salad
won't get anymore tossed
while you serve
the chilled wine
ignore
those pitiful cries
from the poultry-less pup
even if the pudding’s
a bust
there’s no danger
of being underfed.

When I lived with my parents and daughter for a few years after my husband's death , I cooked a traditional several course Sunday dinner almost every week.

#sauced

518 · Apr 2014

Shreds

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Shreds

no longer relevant
noisily devoured
by a gaping hole
stuffed to capacity
then shoveled
into a bin
marked for permanent exile
an anonymous
paper trail
that use to lead
to my life.

Getting ready to move ( which I did several times after my hubby died ) , and the busy work of saying good bye to things I didn't need to hold onto anymore fed through the paper shredder.

#scraps

508 · Jun 2016

Solstice

AprilDawn Jun 2016

Solstice

This Summer’s
dulcet legacy
ground
down to a saucy
red puree
to keep around
just a little longer
than the strawberry
June full moon
a last hurrah of local berries
little paler than the first batch
savored in the Spring
then again
when the apples are harvested
the reminder of your glory days
will linger
like a long lost lover's
last kiss

Our  local whole life food club we shop at regularly mentioned  that  they  would  most likely   not  be getting any more strawberries this season.  This made me sad .
We raced down  to get  one of the last batches  .So I could   prepare it to freeze  for a later date . Our solstice  with a strawberry full moon  was   a theme  I used as well.

I live for local  strawberries in the spring and summer .

#solongstrawberries #localfreshfoodrocks #bittersweetharvest

507 · Apr 2014

Butterfly Magnet

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Butterfly Magnet

Miniature tree
furiously fuzzy
pink and white
petulantly
blooms
between
curvaceous
imperial palms
reminds reverently
of a larger tree
in another place
and time

our potted baby mimosa in Texas.

#fuzzyblooms

507 · Apr 2014

Treasure Hunt

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Treasure Hunt

Long forgotten stash

of flavor bursts

await my
restless grasp

sugar jewels
cosseted from
bumpy pavement
elusive bag
emerges unscathed
by layers
of fresh found
knowledge.

Score! Unopened Jelly Belly beans at the bottom of my backpack.

#sweettreat

504 · Jun 2014

Dead-end

AprilDawn Jun 2014

Dead-end

They assured me
the 15 inch blunt
fingerprint- free knife
was wielded
with the stealth element
of surprise
in the midst of a normal
Sunday afternoon
behind a closed office door
he  never  knew
what happened
just dropped down
and died
my normal world
replaced by
a  true life  horror tale
my  knees
sparred  with gravity
while this   anvil of sadness
squashed my heart
wobbling  legs drove  me
mercilessly to  his
  serene good bye face
on a rolling table
with a sheet
up to
     his neck.

The day I had to identify him for cremation. It was him, but it wasn't.The second hardest day of my life to date.

#goodbyeforever

501 · Nov 2017

Cerise Noir

AprilDawn Nov 2017

Cerise Noir

those  fruits
always  boasted
such sweet  promises
every summer
they  arrived
at the fruit stand
  in town
wrapped in foreign writing
my dreamy eyed little girl
nibbled them
with red stained lips
she asked
her  gramps
one summer afternoon
if  they could plant
their own cherry tree
so he took her  to a spot
and together they did plot
to  raise cherries by
the driveway
the pits took hold
in the  rich  soil
as  they both thrived
tall and strong
it  littered
the front
of her grandparent's  house
with it's delicious bounty
we  stood  under the tree
every summer
we could come
as they  rained down
upon us
still going strong
three decades later
although
we have not
been around
for a great long while
to delight in
this
sweet
red legacy

Cerise Noir is pronounced "Serreese Nowar" , it's French for black cherries.My daughter, parents and myself always loved sweet black cherries and when we lived in Germany , the cherries would come in from southern France or Italy every summer. My daughter who was 5 at the time wanted to grow her own fruit tree. So she and my father planted black cherry pits. They took and for may years there were black cherries towering over my parents driveway ! My parents recently sold that property and we so hope someone is still picking them and not just letting them go to waste.

#deepredlegacy #cherrystains #familyhistory

499 · May 2014

Ancient Lore

AprilDawn May 2014

Ancient Lore

constantly rehashed
long thread spun out
every chance
chokes
Over
And
Over
Again
rewind button
never sticks
tape
never breaks
lassoed memories
drug in kicking
and screaming
allegations
insinuations
half-truths
blows the lid off
feigned civility
while anger
simmers savagely
under
pursed lips

Ever had a disagreement with someone who can't let anything go ?

#elephantmemory

498 · Nov 2016

Plum Picking

AprilDawn Nov 2016

Plum Picking

afternoon
under heavy laden
branches
ladders kept steady
with loving hands
watchful eyes
on
little helpers
filling baskets
with only the ripest
of fruits
too sour for nibbling
just perfect
for jelly jars
and visions
of sugar plums
spread on fresh baked bread

A humid summer day endeavor in 2008 , with a gentleman who passed away in July 2015.One of the ways I like to keep memories alive .
Written July 2016

#homeadejamdaze

497 · Apr 2014

Dusty Remains

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Dusty Remains

this  Hell
of a  life lived
not so long ago
in the boxing
of articles
you may still need
some day
the cycle  will repeat
as the dust is forming
today
is nearly yesterday.

Spent a lot of time moving after husband died in the summer of 2002 until 2008 .

#dustmagnetmemories

496 · Apr 2014

Uninvited

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Uninvited

The  dark corners
of my nights
undulate  into days
swallow  me whole
even the starkest rays
won’t light my path
nestled
between
my pillows
a creature
  born of  fear
coupled with
unvarnished reality
preys upon
my sleeping form
to pop
out of my mouth
Hellbent and
voracious
for my
bleeding soul.

The night terrors that haunted me in the years after my husband's sudden passing. I use to wake up screaming standing next to my bed.

#nightmaresthat #becamereal

495 · Jun 2017

Cameo

AprilDawn Jun 2017

Cameo

Never ever
has
anything
been so beyond
my reach
I know less now
than I did
15 years ago
back when this
unspeakable
horror
         happened
still grasping
for reasons
that elude even the
fiber
of an understanding
who ,what and why
reverberates through me
on repeat
    while sorting
dusty piles of pictures
                 from a life
that seems like a foreign film
a naïve version of myself
cameo moments
captured within
assorted snaps
your smile
profiled
many times  over
these are the  memories
I try to press into my
deepest mind
instead of  the weight
of ashes
that buckled my knees
in  a sleek
Cherry wood
     box
I gave
to your brothers
to keep

July 2002 I lost my husband of nearly 20 years and the father of my daughter to ******. Unsolved mystery it remains , and these thoughts creep out from the corners of my everyday life and haunt me regularly.

#reallifemystery #truthmia

493 · Apr 2014

Sometimes

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Sometimes

I feel savage
inside
unrestrained ferocity

gnaws
at my spirit
every cell
has to
wrestle
being devoured alive
by lost hopes
that go bump in the night
When Hate
stabbed
the light of day .

I am not prone to fits of anger, while I do get angry , these emotions were an intense grieving anger . I wrote it in 2005, it is all about the how& why my husband of nearly twenty years dying made me feel so powerless , so sad and so lost.

#victimized

489 · Apr 2014

Housecleaning Party

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Housecleaning Party

I think the dust bunnies
hate me
and play their evil games
in my cozy home
Vengeance is coming
wee gray ones,
a maniacal laugh
escapes from my face
as the ******* hose of doom
descends
upon their kingdom.

Take that dirt !

#gonnagetchasuckas

488 · Jun 2018

Lullaby

AprilDawn Jun 2018

Lullaby

fans blowing
all around me
little bits of light
peaking around corners
of the room
keeping it from
pitch black
blanket toss tango
piled between us
too hot
too cold
tired
just
not sleepy
myriad of sensations
magnified in a wakeful state
knots on the fabric of the sheets
didn’t I just buy these?
my knee hurts
is this a hot flash?
random unlinked thoughts
dance through my mind
as light rhythmic snoring
serenades me
from the other side
of the bed
turns into my lullaby
and I fade out ….

late spring nights, uncomfortably warm , a partner who snores ...but it's ok ...music to my ears apparently! !

#hotnightsinkentucky

486 · Dec 2014

Winter Lite

AprilDawn Dec 2014

Winter Lite

drizzles down
on
still crackly  leaves
never raked up
the thirsty  ground
drinks
pushes
mushy mud
globs
everywhere
not cold
not warm
just
wet air
hits those Christmas lights
they still  manage
to shine
blissfully bright

Gray , warmish winter this year.Whereas Fall this year we had early snow.The Christmas atmosphere is low key , sort of dull and forced this year* except *those bright colored lights...

#onlycoloredlightsupthenight

482 · May 2014

Blam

AprilDawn May 2014

Blam

Open up
Spill your guts
I said
with my fist
to the box
as I smacked
Away
I realize
scissors might
work
better

I am always greedy and impatient to open parcels/packages !

#ouchcardboardburns

475 · May 2014

Propel

AprilDawn May 2014

Propel

forward
I have to feel
  this moment
as it throbs  with life
cannot  take
a step or two back
without colliding
full throttle
into  a sad void
of hazy days gone by.

Written in 06 or 07 , finished today.Grabbing my future with two hands after tragedy , was something I had to force myself to do.Try not to live in yesterday.Appreciate the present and future , because I can.Not everyone has this luxury to be alive ....

#livethemoments

475 · Jul 2015

Sun Room

AprilDawn Jul 2015

Sun Room

rockers invited me
to set a spell
those hypnotic hummingbirds
buzz around
the sugar water feeder
right outside the window
by the wooden stairs
summer grass and rampant flowers
entice
the toddlers driving
electric cars
older kids
talking to each other
no cell reception here
adults loiter around the red barn
memories shared
stronger beverages in hand
it was almost like
any other family get together
Except
pizza boxes and pain
stacked the kitchen
while  the walls
displayed your conspicuous
absence
as
  we'd laid you to rest
with a 21 gun salute
just yesterday

missing Gary RIP
edited with my Eddie Jan 2016

#missinggaryrip

474 · May 2014

Send Out the Search Party

AprilDawn May 2014

Send Out the Search Party

This morn
freshly purchased
provisions
called my name
Cravings
swiftly soured
as all hands
came up empty
multiple theories
Extrapolate
the likelihood
that they
didn’t walk away
Alone

Sharing a fridge can be a tricky proposition.Family or not !

#purloinedtreats

471 · Apr 2014

Quota

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Quota

Scrambled  up
this  muddy hill
for just a peek
at that sweet   horizon
try to convince myself
that today’s the beginning
of something really  good
I didn’t use it all
  up yet .

Searching for good times again.

#pondering

467 · Apr 2014

Bittersweet Ache

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Bittersweet Ache

still binds me
to your love
frayed
but never
completely
torn

written 2005

#heartache

466 · Aug 2014

Ninety –Nine Degrees

AprilDawn Aug 2014

Ninety –Nine Degrees

slight breeze
queen palm trees sway
to a phantom melody
not even a squirrel
in sight
I sit safe inside
my air conditioned
home
watching the sky
melt

99 degrees
slight breeze
praying
evening cool down
is on it’s way
painted with a palette of pastel
horizons
sweltering
over my suburban
retreat

One of my Springs in Houston around 2005/2006.I had an in ground pool back then .Great for midnight cool downs....

#hotdaze

455 · Apr 2014

Sleuth

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Sleuth

I use to read mysteries
with such  glee
Nancy Drew always
found the clues
whodunits
wrapped up
in x amount of pages
with wailing police sirens
hauling
some miscreant off
just before that  last page is turned
whereas my story’s end
is still
Nowhere
in plain sight.

My story is real life.

#needsherlockholmes

453 · May 2014

Royal Pain

AprilDawn May 2014

Royal Pain

Riding lawn mower
**** trimmers
sit idly in the repair shop
again
this Spring
while sweet sunshine
soaks in the leaky skies
crazy growing grass
tall enough
for our  Lily cat
to  reprise her
daily
king of the jungle
role
wearing
a dandelion crown.

I swear the lawn equipment needs in the shop every time the grass begins to grow again ! May 2014

#springtimewoes

451 · Dec 2016

Unraveled

AprilDawn Dec 2016

Unraveled

Really
the longer you live
the more you shift between
the what is and what was
sometimes the transitions
are smoother than others
today I found myself
within a few layers
of my former life
interwoven
with my current experience
always a bittersweet mixture
somewhere half way
between gratefulness
with a touch of regret
and a modicum of relief
that so many frayed edges
were smoothed enough
to make it all stay together
for the most part
not sure where tomorrow is going
but right here, right now
just hanging in there
and not sure
how long the thread
is…

My life and times

#threadcountmystery

449 · Sep 2014

Bruised

AprilDawn Sep 2014

Bruised

but not  rotten
summer's
last ambassadors
drip  off my lips
glad my shirt
  is dark
and these  stains
won't really matter

Just ate my last farmer's market tomato for dinner tonight..Tuesday is already Fall.

#goodbyebites

443 · May 2014

The Days

AprilDawn May 2014

The Days

slip away
and I remember
even less
of you
my life has
melted into
tomorrows
you’ll never see

Yes, don't know if it's a function of surviving tragedy by our brains -I only remember certain memories not daily life as much anymore.Written in 2006 or 7 I believe .

#lifewithoutyou

440 · Feb 2015

Polar Vortex

AprilDawn Feb 2015

Polar Vortex

flexes
a choke hold
on our icy  slice
of the world
tonight's
  snowstorm
still a dicey
proposition
at least
some evenings
will be  wrapped in
rose colored glasses
as the sun passes
the horizon

this weather we are having....

#vernalequinoxorbust

440 · May 2014

Booth

AprilDawn May 2014

Booth

sanctuary
so far removed
from daily chaos
in a dimly lit atmosphere
occasionally punctuated
with  bright faces
laden down with
movable feasts
our eventual escape
finally came into  view
a glimmer of  hope
slid in  next to us
tipping fortune’s favor
onto our plates.

My daughter and I wanted to leave our extended family by 2006, we were longing for our own time, space and adventure. Many hours were spent in local eateries making our getaway plans.

#searchingforsafehaven