i want to feel you
in every breath i breathe
but when i'm around you
i often forget how to
and find myself
breathing you in
by the lungful

i feel safety in your arms
i can see the sky through your eyes
and your arms have begun
to feel like home

i forget to breathe
but your fingers
tight around my throat
remind me how to

it's easy to miss you
because my arms feel so empty
when you're not in them
and there's nothing here
for them to hold
that's nearly as grand as you

you're the kind of boy who handpicks flowers
instead of buying them
the kind to arrange them yourself
from the ones in the garden you feel
are the prettiest and the best

and i'm glad you've picked me

i want you to grasp at me
and dig your nails into me
and tell me you can't get enough

i want you to hold me
when it gets too cold outside
i want to feel your skin
against mine,

i want you to be well fed and nurtured
to be happy and healthy and well
and i want you to be proud of me

lying on the floor of my bedroom
blowing smoke circles in the air
and the window open to let in
the cold,

i listen to songs that remind me
of you, and use the memories
to keep me warm at night.

Just because you're comfortable doesn't mean you're safe
Although you keep quiet more people want to know your name
But all they want to do is know
they don't care to learn how it feels coming out of the curl of a lover's mouth
they don't care how it was turned against you when you were smaller
And how you made yourself smaller and smaller trying to disappear forever until you realized it only made people see you more and more

They want to know your sins
They want to know your signs
The number on the scale
The color of your *******
What your tongue feels like
Information without emotion
Emotion without care
Care without depth
Depth without water
But you're thirsty, so so thirsty

So you drink
Drink until you're comfortable
And you let out more words than you mean
And you *****.

oh, babe, i know this is late
significantly after the fact
but as i've only now given myself time
to think, to let go
this is when it's coming out

oh, babe, i know you hate me
i've seen the words you've written
you can deny them, take them back
but it's too late
i know how you feel

oh, babe, i'm so sorry
it wasn't very kind
placing stinging words
in places where i knew you'd see
i was so angry, so sad, so frustrated
and i didn't know myself

oh, babe, i truly am sorry
to have made you cry
it's not what you deserved, not what you needed
and not what i wanted at all

although that was the problem, wasn't it?
what did i want?
i still don't know, babe,
but i know it can't be you
not anymore
because i'm lost, craving the love
you were so willing to give
from the heart of a boy
who refuses to give it
who can't give it
who wouldn't give it

so i seek out affections from the hearts of boys who could never love me
wrap myself in it, shield myself in it
use it to wipe away my tears
because it's harmless, isn't it?
we're just friends.

and maybe i would have loved you,
if you had given me more time
but i wasn't ready
and i wouldn't be ready
until it was much too late

and maybe i could have loved you,
if you had been less intense
your designed love was much too fast
                                                   too quick
                                                   too easy
                                                   too harsh

and maybe i should have loved you,
because you would have given me your all
invested every minute you could into me,
and truly loved me with everything you could


oh, babe, i'm desperately sorry
for tying your heartstrings around my fingers
along with the promises i didn't keep
dragging you along through every wave of emotion
it was an ocean you didn't need to see
but i knew you loved the water.

to be the equivalent
of a three room studio apartment
with a TV set three times the price of your rent
that makes up your sad little world
is such an incredible insult

I am worth so much more

it's in your head, darling
it's all in your head
it isn't real
you're making it up

you're so paranoid, baby
they don't think about you
not nearly as much as you assume
you're making it up

you're so pessimistic, honey
no one can be that bad
you're perfectly normal
you're making it up

you're so conceited, gorgeous
loving boys with your toes in the water
when they're up to their necks in you
you're making it up

you think too much, darling
no one analyzes this the way you do
no one cares as much as you do
but oh, what if they did?

there's a layer of dust on your furniture
and your things haven't been touched

when you come home
you'll still be miles away

the years we spent in constant contact
were too easy to drop
and fade away

but this doesn't mean they were nothing to me
our late night chats and our cups of tea
you really, really did help me

you struggle so much with your identity,
because you base it all on appearance
just like we both used to

i can't remember when we stopped talking
somewhere between a rainy day
and a random wednesday

it started this way because we were busy
at least that's what i told myself
but really it's just i'm getting better
and you aren't

(and i feel so guilty for that,
you deserve to be better
just as much as i do.
but i don't think
you want it,
yet)