just remember
all forest fires burn out
regardless of casualty count
and revolution causes wars
in the minds of cowards
and if bringing your hips closer to mine and you
a speech
I am the child in the front of the room
focusing on everything but what
I should

goodnight

there's a reason my past left bruises
there's a reason I spend most my time tuning out my surroundings
there's a reason I cannot get myself out of my mind
do you dream of me?
or am I a symmetrical reflection
of the reasons I curse my own history?
will I leave a bitter taste in your mouth?
will you spit my name out like asphalt?
is my foot on the back of your neck
or are you naive to what love truly is
are we both?
my insides twisting in knots
repeatedly checking the clock
waiting for and dreading the day that you admit you never loved me
will you hold your head high?
will you clench your jaw until your teeth crack and ****** your gums
at just the whisper of my name
will blind yourself
just to forget the way my eyes swelled when I asked you to stay
corner stores will learn your name
as you pay for a remedy to mine
I wish these headaches would quit
I wish I would stop writing about you leaving when you're on your way to my doorstep

fading out with each rhetorical question
on the cutting board
keeled over before a threat was articulated
senses failed and I got high off of your body pressed
against mine
with flames on our lips
we could have given up so easily
and why didn't we
we were both so young
too naive to chase a single whim
rambling on about our own anxieties
comparing scars
the night the clouds came in
and I couldn't think anymore
and the downpour
I couldn't hear you
it sounded and felt like gunfire
pointed downward
the downpour
the violence of letting go

i am not a poet
i am ashamed to stand in front of brilliant minds and present my writing
i am nothing more than a caged bird
with unsteady songs, trying my hardest to sing
but with each melody that escapes my chest
i am drowned out by the better
the older, the wiser
i am nothing
i am mediocre
i'm sorry