if I could pour myself so deeply into your empty vessels
imagine the overflow of wonder that could come of combining
with someone whose are already full

how foolish was I
to make myself think
you had any claim on my body?

my hands will spin gold thread
regardless of whether you are there
to cultivate it for comfortable clothing

my eyes will gleam
the stars of a night sky
bright enough to guide myself home
time and time again

my skin will soften
for the right touch
whether it is that of another
or my own fingers pulling for answers

my hair will be the ribbon
that ties me together
and keeps my pieces as one as the world tries to dismantle me

for I was allowing you into the sanctuary of my body
but it was never yours
never has been
and never will be

and I promise myself
that I will always stand
at the gate of my own garden.

it is so foolish
to think
that you were the one who made me whole

when the force
that tore me apart most often
was the act
of trying to stitch you back together

you are hard to read
but I have spent centuries
looking for pages like yours

it is a week later
and I finally breathed my own air this morning
and not yours

thank you
for liberating me

"he'll come back" they told me
"you're no good without each other, you're meant to be"
but you know what?
i don't want to ******* hear it
because he couldn't do me the courtesy
of telling me when he fell out of love with me
when it was all i asked from the start

he couldn't do me the honors
of keeping me from wondering where he was when my mind raced for softness
he couldn't bless me with the knowledge
that i'd better stop planning my life around what he wanted me to be

but he didn't make me who i am
he didn't make beauty and warmth shine from beneath my eyelids
even when I am at my worst
he didn't make my mind the source of strength and comfort
it has been for all of my short life
that has felt longer than he could imagine

and he will be just fine
in the arms of another
and that will stop hurting one day
when i realize it wasn't me
who set fire to a future i was so blindly chasing in the dark

and i will trust one day
slowly but surely
when i can be confident the arms wrapped around me
want to be there wholeheartedly
and that they truly want to weather storms
of any magnitude
as long as i am at the end of them

so excuse me for saying this
but i am still full of so much good without him
and if he's no good without me
then he should've thought of that a long ******* time ago

do not let him take a part of you with him when he leaves
you will receive no portion of him to carry with you like an unlucky charm
and he does not deserve any bit of you if he declares he is leaving


you cannot think of this as a loss of your other half
for you are not a half but a whole, passionate, ferocious being
with teeth sharper than he knew what to do with
a love stronger than he could’ve ever returned


and one day
he may be prepared
but you must let him know that it is too late


for you will find someone else
who lifts from the knees to take on your heart
and they will give you stability
and they will carry it well
and you’ll be strong enough by then
to carry theirs in return


and you realize you are two individuals
and not fragmented halves