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You only tell me you love me when your words are slurred and your breath smells like liquor
I could really use it though, I haven't been loved in forever
I need one more taste and one more flame to spark the iron in my bones

Even with my eyes open, fever dreams will find their way
I can feel you with my eyes closed, laying in your tangles
This isn't what I meant when I told you I wanted more
I was asking for novocaine; something to numb everything around me
What I got were feelings that tore me apart, those feelings never even laid a finger on you
I wish I never laid a finger on you

You're never around unless it's convenient
I'm never around because I can't seem to find my confidence
I just want some kind of closure, some kind of answer
You come and go and I can't tell if I want to tie a rope around you and go into the storm with you or if I'm better off cutting the strings

I know you're everything that's bad for me but
I've been so good recently, maybe I need to decay a little
A little sip or a small puff, all in the name of love
Because love is disgusting and twisted and drunk and misleading and--
No, this isn't love

This is a broken person trying to mend by finding comfort in discomfort
A broken person hoping to find somewhere else that's more uncomfortable than their skin, somewhere that they feel they would fit in well enough to convince themselves that their soul isn't too ***** to be cleansed

I sold myself to you and now there's no going back
You destroyed the receipt with good intentions but bad situations
I know we both want this but I really don't think we're doing this right, or at least I'm not
Maybe you don't really want this, I mean, you say you do, but I always had a bad feeling about honesty this deep
I laid it all out for you with a heart you could keep
But you're hiding it away from everyone else and not letting anyone see
I just don't know about you
No, I know everything about you, my mind just has a way of putting things that makes everything seem ugly

I'm sorry about this
I'm sorry about me
I don't want you to feel this feeling
You need what's best for you and I can't help but tell myself I'm not what you're looking for
I can't help but tell myself I don't need help

Please help me
I want you but not myself
I'll try my best I swear, as long as you let me kiss your neck and play with your hair

*TO THE ONE I ADORE, FOREVER AND EVERMORE
I'm so sorry
Like how there is a life
In every thing that exists
There is a home in
Every house that’s built.
You create many firsts,
Which you never will realize
Until you lock the door
For the last time.

You can never bang on those walls
Taking the anger out on it
You can never enjoy your book
By the side of the balcony and bird calls
You can never cook or boil
In the kitchen which now
Is lifeless without air,
The air of your food which it has been
Breathing for so long

The paint that came off a bit
Here and there, when you
Took off the stuck pictures
On the wall with dry stuck paint in the corner?
That’s the walls way of saying,
Take some of my paint with you,
Never forget me.

On those floors, you can never dance
Tap and tap and thuds

The switches will miss its pet pats,
There will be a darkness even
For lightbulbs, only for a while.

Hey, but they will move on.
They will move on with a new family.

You know you can never enter
Again as possessor
So forget not
To pack all your memories along
With your belongings
Before you lock that door,
For one last time.
sometime it is
in the act of writing
that we create the sense
of what we want to say

as if the process of articulation
    when we are fishing for the proper words
is generating meaning
inventing itself in its own genesis

leaving the poet amazed

sometimes even the readers
 Jun 2016 Andrew Siegel
Free Bird
Always pay attention
When someone else is speaking
If it didn't mean something to them
They wouldn’t talk about it at all

Always listen closely
For the answers you are seeking,
May be closer than you think
Found in the ramblings of that call

Imagine if you will
A world where everyone cared
Where they leaned ear in intently
Instead of filling our heads with doubt

Maybe we'd all be happier;
Collectively less scared
We could solve all of life's problems
If we just heard everybody out

You see confidence builds greatness
Yet we continue to put each other down
Jealousy and rage keep us from turning the page
Even when the story could teach us something profound
Outside defining beauty in utter stupidity , for it changes every second
Playing guitar , but the whimsical melody defies the proper , mechanical method
Allowing thoughts to paper with no mathematical logic , coded messages of the broken hearted , static symbolism out of synchronicity
not unlike basic relationships that suddenly scream bewildered with
newfound intensity* ....
Copyright June 4 , 2016 by Randolph L Wilson * All Rights Reserved
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