from inside the valley, looking up will reveal
a fortress of mountains
protecting our homes, and pointing to the
endless shades of blue above

but today, it is trapped
within a dome of dense grey
unrelenting grey

it brings noisy, manic winds
knocking the temperatures down
by a few degrees but

the still air is scarier
that silence is louder

as the clouds grow
as we all wait

06.04.24

my insides are hollow
and painful to the touch
like burnt flesh

but when you have
become nothing

any pain that you feel
becomes you

my pain has finally swallowed me whole.

05.06.24

i'm so disappointed that
i can't even find the words
but are there any to find
in the first place?

because I have this familiar feeling

a feeling that comes around
when there really isn't
anything left to say but
"goodbye."

03.09.24

we're just friends with memories now but

my heart remains stuck to you
even after my mind abandoned you
even after i said goodbye

i'll let you go someday
but I'll let my love stick around
for a little while longer

06.03.24

as soon as i climbed onto my roof
the sun hid nervously behind the clouds

its rays of heat were
replaced by the cool breeze,
a musician,
which rustled the trees,
its instruments.

slowly the sun began to shine between
the shadows of the leaves that watched
the wind wrestle with the returning heat

06.03.24

is there any chance you know of a place that
i could rest my pain, for just a second?

i know i can hold it but it is dreadfully heavy
and i am more exhausted than
words can describe

is there any chance you could show me
somewhere i do not have to be strong?

21.02.24

let the shards from my soul
shattered by you
tear into your thick flesh

then, let those wounds burn
in salt from the ocean
of tears i have cried for you

and dissolve in the poison
that drips from my blackened mind
and chokes me, as it pours
out of my tired eyes and into my mouth
agape and screaming in the pain
that you gifted me

i want you to hurt like you hurt me.
i want you to hurt like you hurt me.
i want you to hurt.

01.15.24

i flinch at your gentle touch and
i brace myself for your kind words

with one hand, i grip
the door handle
ready to run

while you hand me
your heart to hold
with the other

i can fight how fast i'm falling for you
because i've never known love without war

i won't fight how fast i'm falling for you
because i've never known love without war

01.14.23

i miss you at the strangest of times.

no…
i continue to miss you all the time

my great love
i’ve come to accept this is who you are

i miss you even when i was sure that
i had already let you go.

01.12.24

i have been no stranger to love
but i have always been an alien

because i've never been loved
in a way that i understood

i've always looked for love in hints
craving the closest translation

but never truly understanding
why i can't be loved
in a way i know

22.12.23

for a few, fleeting seconds
i cried like a child

i let the sound of my wailing
take up as much space
as it demanded

i let my gasps fill my lungs
with as much air
as it needed

to continue bawling abashedly

sending out sorrowful groans
that echoed throughout the house.

and then it was silent
again.

30.11.23

i remember how your words
shaped your lips when you spoke
but no longer the sound of your voice

i remember how you smiled
with all of your teeth like a child
but no longer the sound of your laugh

but even if i did, i'm sure
your voice has changed by now
and your laugh is different, isn't it

i'm forgetting who you were then
i'll never know who you are now

i didn't realize you could become
even more lost to me than you were
when i lost you

27.11.23

i seldom find myself
writing about your absence
but your presence remains
my unabating muse

the way my heart is stuck in the mold of your fist
because you squeezed it too tightly, for too long

24.11.23

i'm trying to keep you
at an arm's length away
but you're gently grabbing
my outstretched hand

you're trying to pull me
a little bit closer to you
but I've buried and planted
my feet in the sand

big steps, baby steps
i'm not light on my feet anymore

it doesn't really matter now
that my love has turned into
a familiar field of landmines

it doesn't really matter now
that every step i take feels like
the beginning of the end

24.11.23

i am loved like water on the coast
pulled in slowly, building waves
that inevitably crash me into the sand

can you blame me that "i love you"
sounds like the beginning of the end
while the ground cracks beneath me?

can you blame me that "i want you"
sounds like a familiar echo of heartbreak
that always makes its way back to me?

i know it's true that i'm easy to love
but after a while, i can't help but wonder
if i am equally as easy to leave behind.

if i am equally as easy to hurt.

"i cannot love anymore," i tell you.
while i desperately wish it was the truth.

17.11.23

i ran from our our love
bleeding and bruised because

you couldn't stop loving me
and i couldn't stop letting you

02.11.23

while ashing and outing,
i sit crisscrossed writing
as that 2 a.m. fresh air
wrestles my smoky breaths

7.23.23

whether your power
comes from weakness or strength
by warmth or by fear

anything that allows you
to live a lie for love
must be destroyed

07.15.23

but to be in love with the wind
means to sit as she comes and goes
you must stay

through rains and thunder
as she will never tell you
when she has truly gone

until she's lost in the storm
that washes away the trace
of your love in the air.

08.06.23

the heat rushed to my head
while the dark trickled up my leg
rolling down when yours only needs to go up

05/12/23

i can't collect your love
there's simply no more space
for square kisses in my circle heart
so don't let it be emptied for
"my own good"

03.18.23

don't refuse the hate
you have for me
it keeps the loose thread
on my old socks
from being torn away

03.18.23

Hannah, please, stop allowing

her

to be the sole muse of your poetry
and your past
to be the muse of her through you

but that's not your name, is it
Hannah

and that's not who you are.

03.18.23