Your list keeps growing and growing...  Like I said, nothing like a bunch of pretty faces to distract you.  Girls sure are beautiful.  I'm sure you're catching a lot of their attention, just as you had hoped.  I can only imagine the flirting.  Unfortunately, I have yet to receive any of your attention or desire.  I guess since you gave it to me constantly for a year and a half, it's a little too boring now.  Silly me.  I have continued begging and begging for you but I am overjoyed to finally realize I deserve so much more than that ****. The memories were beautiful, you were beautiful, I was beautiful and most of all, we were beautiful.  We were so ****** beautiful.  But now my face is sunken in, my eyes are always bloodshot and my lips are constantly cracked open and bleeding.  And we certainly aren't beautiful anymore. Take me back to the last night we shared together; I often wonder how you slept so soundly...  I wonder why you didn't kiss me goodnight when you knew it would be your last night to kiss me.  I wonder why you chose to go to sleep instead of watching one last movie with me.  As I sit here, typing this, I laugh at myself.  I laugh because I see how blinded I have been.  I deserve someone who fights to make it work. Who doesn't think leaving is the answer. I deserve someone who always chooses to stay.  Who is sure of me only and always.  Well, at least I am now realizing all of these things.  I am so ******* dumb for sticking around like I have.  I will read this when I feel the urge to text you.  I will read this when I think, "maybe, just maybe he wants me to reach out to him." Because you don't need me to reach out to you.  And it's very evident nothing good comes from contacting you.  I am sick of this loneliness and I am sick of thinking you're the only one who can fix that.  Especially when you're the ******* reason I'm like this.  Hmm, I wonder if this is the mad stage I've been told I'd eventually reach? I never thought I could

I can't believe you still aren't ******* back yet.  And I really can't believe all these random girls are more up to date in your life than I am, when 2 weeks ago they were never in the picture.  Two weeks ago we were laying in bed smiling.  Today, you won't text me back or say "I love you too."  You say it's not about them and quite honestly, I somewhat believe you.  I believe they are good distractions and I believe you use them as such.  A pretty face can sure solve a lot- almost all but a broken heart.  And, God, I sure wish I didn't feel so lonely because I understand why you need to be distracted.  I wish I could be, too.  But attention means nothing, if not from you. And I've found that every time I try to think of dating in the future, I now have all this criteria that needs to be met.  Dark curly hair.  Tattoos, everywhere.  Guitar player. Recon Marine.  Thinks the way I gasp at everything is cute and not annoying. Always holds my hand.  Always makes me feel at home.  Not afraid to tell me when to pump the brakes.  The list goes on and on, but I think my point is clear.  You see, even now, it's still only you.  And if there is ever a time I will not crave you, it would be now.  In a room full of attractive men, my eyes would not wander off of you.  Forever swooning.  Just as I continuously promised.  My love, they say to trust your gut.  And my gut is clinging to your every word, promising you will come back.

Plath may have stuck her head in the oven, but that's because love makes you ******* mad. Being completely captivated with you has shown me just how mad love can really make a person.  I love you.  I love you so ******* much that I would tear open my veins for you.  I would crawl to the core of the Earth using my bare hands if it would make you stay. Darling, I love you. And despite my best efforts, I have yet to wash you off my skin.  The body takes 7 years to fully shed a layer of skin and quite honestly I can't wait that ******* long for the remnants of your touch to finally go away.  

Look at the mess I am and tell me you love me just the same. Tell me you're sorry for leaving, I won't make you beg.  But please, tell me you're sorry.  Tell me you want to come home.  I know how hard you're fighting the urge to not pick up the phone and call me.  I need you to know it's not too late.  Look at your body and tell me you don't see my fingertips all over it. Remember that. Remember how I held you when you left me. Remember how I held you and not me. Remember how I have loved you through this.

Grab my waist and keep me.  I know your hands are aching for mine.  I know your heart is aching to feel whole again.  And God, I am so in love with you.  The thought of you loving me has always been a reason to wake up.  In a universe with over 7 billion people, we chose each other.  We could have any love story in the world, but I don't think there's a more beautiful one than ours.  There are infinite paths to be taken and my heart breaks for every path of ours that do not intersect.

My love, please don't forget about me on the good days.  I know the bad days will have you missing me, but I hope the good days do too.  And I hope you love me enough to come home

Let me tell you about the days I prayed to God, begging for Him to show Himself.  I plead and I plead.... "God, if you are real, make this pain go away.  Allow me to feel whole again."  Every time you leave, He's the first person I call and I feel so selfish because that's the only time I ever call.  I only need Him when you realize you don't need me and I don't like the person I am because of that.  Or how I beg my mom to drop everything just so I can lay in her bed and get ****** with her every time she asks if I'm okay. My heart is all over the floor and anytime anyone other than you tries to pick up the pieces I swear those pieces break even more.  I hate that I've become so hostile with everyone that's not you, even though everyone but you is trying to put me back together.

I've even broken all the clocks because waiting around for you is driving me up the ******* wall.  And time is the last thing I need to be angry with. I could spend every second of everyday, reliving every moment we shared together and I would still be crying out to God, asking Him to show Himself and keep these moments going.  
My love, I could never tire of you.... And I'm starting to believe that's a curse

Every moment, I wonder, what will be the last thing I ever write to you? What will be the last words of mine you choose to read?  When will I first wake up not clenching my chest and reaching for my pill bottle? What morning will you not be my first thought? What night will you not be my last thought? I can't even imagine the day ever comes for any of these things, but I do know one day you won't care to read my ****** poetry.  

I know one day, you will be busy and I won't cross your mind.  Or maybe you'll have another lover in time and she will make you believe in love all over again, so you will stop checking up on me.  She will despise me for being the first into your heart.  For being embedded onto your heart forever.  And I will despise her for having your heart when it is all I crave.

Tell me, what is it like being the best and worst thing to ever happen to a person?  I used to be scared to cross the street because I knew I wouldn't care to stop and look both ways.  I would leave my car unlocked late at night and get back in without checking the backseat. And the ocean scared me because I always get ahead of myself.  I knew I would swim toward the horizon until my arms gave out. I knew I wouldn't be able to make it back to shore.  Growing up, I always had the trickiest time finding my pulse in gym class because it was so **** faint.  But I swear my heartbeat has never been near as profound as it is lying next to you.

Lover, please.. it's not too late to be gentle with one another.  I know things are hard and I know we have become broken.  I know two broken people aren't supposed to save each other, but what if that's wrong?  We, better than anyone, know the maps throughout one another's body, we know just where the cracks are.  What if we are both broken for the sole reason to mend one another?  My love, let me kiss you back together... Do you not want the same?

I need you to realize that the bottom of every bottle you drink will never be filled with love. Darling, please, put the bottles down... I know it seems like it's been raining for weeks, but I promise there is sunshine coming soon.  

I hope you know every time you smile the entire room lights up.  I hope you know simply thinking of your laugh is making me smile, now.  You made a broken girl write love poems when all she thought she was cut out for was over dramatic suicide letters.  And trust me, she swore that day would never come...

One day, I hope we can stand together at the top of the tallest building; and not wonder what it feels like to hit the ground.