Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Jul 25 · 34
little steps
allison joy Jul 25
today she will make a goal and achieve it, her health on the line

the tightrope might bend, but it will not break

for the sun is hot, but her drive for change is a fire that burns deep

so the slow burn begins

the time for change is here and it is in the form of a girl who weighs 330 lbs

so the steady loss begins, the scales begin to tip

she will achieve, conquer, and defeat the tired days and the hard days

it is a steady fight

so no more waiting, wishing, or wondering when she'll get there

because she's already on her way

maybe the gym is intimidating, but so is living a life where you wither away

so she tips the scale

walks a mile in shoes that have waited a lifetime to be filled

and see's her future in the horizon.
Feb 2020 · 78
you had me at hello
allison joy Feb 2020
I remember being a little girl and dreaming of Prince Charming, lying in bed awake wondering what it would be like to fall in love and be loved back, and then I met you. 21 and naive, I fell quickly, I never expected you to catch me, I never expected to love you so deeply... but I do. From the first moment I saw you my heart knew that it had found the one. I am so incredibly in love with you and by in love I mean that everyday I wake up and I ache for you in the most simple and innocent ways. Like in the mornings when I’m laying in bed, I ache for you and wonder what it would be like to wake up in your arms everyday, I wonder what it would be like to turn around under the covers every morning and be able to look up into those absolutely breathtakingly beautiful hazel eyes that I love to get lost in and rest my head on your chest.

Without knowing it you’ve patched up parts of me that I didn’t even know were broken. You’re my safe place, my best friend, and lover all wrapped up into one. you have the most genuine caring heart I’ve ever seen and you’re the most determined and supportive person that I’ve ever met. You inspire me to be a better version of myself and I’ll always do my best to do the same for you.

In my darkest days you’ve pulled me closer and on your darkest days you’ve learned that I’ll be there, no matter how stormy the clouds look. You calm my unsteady hands, you make me relax my shoulders. You feel like home and I think that’s why I miss you so much when I’m gone. You have taken my wrinkled pages and smoother them with care.

I want to make a promise to you, right here and right now. I promise to be there always and show you a love that you’ve never known before. With me you can always fall because I will always be there to catch you, you’ll always be safe when we lie down for bed because I’ll scratch your back and hum songs to you. I promise to hold your heart and keep it safe with me always. I promise to do my best to be your safe place, as you’ve been mine.

Your smile has brightened the darkest corners of my life that I didn’t even know could be reached and you give me hope. You give me hope that despite all the obstacles that have been put in my way I can overcome them all and so can you because we will always be by each other’s side. T.J. you’re my punk, my goober, and my baby cakes and I can’t wait to spend many more years making memories and sharing my life with you. I love you so much, or should I say, “... I have very strong feelings for you..”

With all my love,
Allison
Dec 2017 · 153
modern day romance
allison joy Dec 2017
whiiiish*
message received

the moment i opened his message i sealed my fate
his one message turned into many
i began looking at my phone in anticipation of his name popping up
we’d stay up late talking and laughing
his banter always one step ahead of mine
it was a first
the first time i’d fallen hard and they had fallen back
then everything fell apart
there became less and less calls
maaaaybe 1 text
and then nothing
my heart slowly broke and unlike how quickly i had fallen
this feeling was not going away anytime soon or fast
a modern day romance
ghosted and back to swiping left and right again
colton
Jun 2017 · 955
a reminder
allison joy Jun 2017
the leaves are coming back and you're not.

not that i expected you to stay anyways.

goodbyes get a lot easier when you start

writing them as you begin to fall.

but this isn't a poem to depress you.

this is a poem to put things in perspective.

a reminder to dip your toe in before you

dive.

a reminder to keep your heart under lock

and key until you can be rest assured you're

giving it to someone who's an expert in

playing for keeps.

a reminder that love is not defined by the

length of a relationship, it's defined by the

strength of it.

a reminder for me personally that worth is

not measured in pounds.

a reminder that you'll know when he's the

one.

a reminder that genuine love is being each

others bestfriends.

a reminder that their laughter is your

medicine.

a reminder that you'll find yourself

wanting to explore life with them by your

side.

a reminder that even though love doesn't

always work out, you'll have some good

stories to tell.

a reminder that it is better to have lived it

and regretted it later, than it is to not have

lived and always wonder what you missed.
Dec 2016 · 270
not like the movies
allison joy Dec 2016
this happens to me every time. i'm never the 1st choice, 2nd choice, or the 3rd. a classic case of i like him, he likes her. it's like a scene out of a movies and i'm tired of playing the role of unrequited love.

scene 1: we meet and i get this nervous fluttering, like i've been repeatedly punched in the stomach, but in a good way.

scene 2: he meets me and has and has always known her, but it seems that when the attraction starts some ****** up gravitational pull makes him gravitate towards her.

scene 3: i'm in a daze talking to you after class, but it's different now and i can tell when we're talking that your mind is obviously elsewhere.

scene 4: you're holding hands and i can't help but turn around and walk away because that was supposed to me.

scene 5: you find out she has a boyfriend back home, so you break it off. i guess now both of us are alone.

scene 6: you still carry her books and walk her to class, i trail behind you with my head down and a heavy heart because i still want you so bad that it hurts.

scene 7: you're different now, broken down from unfulfilled promises and i just feel like screaming at you, "I'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME."

scene 8: you slip your hand in mine and pretend like everything's alright, but when she walks by your grip loosens and i feel like i'm losing you all over again.

scene 9: i became what i didn't want to be, only this time i was the 2nd choice and not the 3rd.

scene 10: i don't want to keep on playing pretend and i don't like seeing you playing house with me when its painstakingly obvious that you wish it was her, so i let go and say, "catch her if you can."

scene 11: you chase after her like a bat out of hell and the tears fall freely from my eyes.

scene 12: what else can i say? we just weren't meant to be.

scene 13: it's been two years and you're still going strong, who am i to mess with that?

scene 14: i may have seemed like i've moved on but the day you left i cried so much i'm pretty sure that i'm going to need flood insurance.

scene 15: i hope you're *happy
May 2016 · 359
dont read this
allison joy May 2016
i've been wondering what it was like
to have words pour from your
fingertips like the cup of coffee he's
probably pouring for her right now

it always had a bitersweet taste to me

and so did he

the acrid taste was already enough
to make me falter

and when he came around she stuck
her foot in the door and her nose
up to me

no need for a going away
party

no need to bereave the death of
what could have been

i was already reading my eulogy
in tears at his mothers house

no cliche will ever get close to explaining
the sound of my feckless heart shattering

no one will ever know how much it
hurt to watch as she serpentined herself
into my place in his heart

so i grab my keys and drive

i end up on the side of a backroad
with my car turned off and a perfect
view of the days darkness creeping
in

i want to call him and scream at
the top of my lungs about how
he's trapped me in this
secret hell

but i know i've already lost
him anyways

so i get back in my car because
i and everyone else knows that
wishing on stars hasn't and
never will work out for me anyways
Feb 2016 · 272
hurt
allison joy Feb 2016
i still remember the string lights and
the just cold enough weather that made
me want to move closer to you

i remember the butterflies and the
weak feeling in my knees as you
kissed me for the first time

i can't forget the time that we got
pulled over just hours after you asked
me to be your girlfriend

falling for you was as terrifying as
riding a bike without training wheels
for the first time, but as rewarding
as realizing it was worth it if i fell

i guess maybe i got a little to

comfortable

i guess i thought since i had been
given a taste of what love was like
i was entitled to the whole thing

that was my first mistake

where heaven was once a place on
earth with you, it was now the
gates of hell from which you grew

why is it when it comes to love,
i must love with restraints?

why is it that every time i take that
leap of faith i'm met with the bleak
reality that loving someone to your
fullest capability won't make a
**** difference in the end

why do i find myself working
so hard to keep someone in my
life who doesn't want to keep me

i remember knowing that after
all my efforts to be good enough
for you, i still wasn't enough

i just really hate that people are so
content with throwing away love
like it's a toy that you can leave
and forget for whatever duration
of time and come back to and
think it will still be there

sometimes i get tired of waiting
because it seems like every time i
take that route i am discarded only
to have to pick up the pieces by
later on

lately it has been getting harder to
pick up the pieces, its been harder
getting up knowing that even at
my best i know that i'm not good
enough

*and that hurts
Oct 2015 · 753
callous in passing
allison joy Oct 2015
i didn't know that losing sleep meant losing you too.

how could the hours upon hours i spent sleep deprived, bleary eyed, drunk off your opulent words, mean so little?

were the words you said just a myth?

just lies escaping your lips?

all the evening stars leading to a early morning sunrise, did they mean nothing?

why is it that your words were more comfortable than my bed?

why is the thought of not talking to you far more fear inducing than the test i have early in the morning that i did not study for?

the bags under my eyes,

the slowness of my step,

the drop of my head on my desk,

all worth it.

every second speaking to you was a gift.

and then you were gone.

and i thought that i could finally sleep again.

except that's the funny thing,

i'm not.

even now i'm still losing sleep over you,

even now?

there are tears on my pillow.

even now?

the words that used to rock my world make me terrified of the goodbyes just as we started our hellos.

and now,

callous in passing we remain.
a collaboration of words between lexi smith and i
Jun 2015 · 576
it's going to be alright
allison joy Jun 2015
please don't let me fall in love with scrawled
notes on napkins and don't leave doors open
when you have no intentions to close them

and please quit acting like it's okay to love
people haphazardly because one day you're
going to wake up and wonder where your
heart left its pieces

i want to apologize for not fitting into the
mold of someone i'm not, but i refuse to
chisel away parts of myself to remain
in ephermal ecstasy

a long time ago i made a promise to
myself that i intend to keep, and that
promise is to leave fairweather people
where they belong and find my sunshine,
my light

so i'll raise my standards while you
lower yours, because i still have a heart
that yearns for love

all your heart ever yearns for is pain

so tonight i may go to bed with a
bruised heart, but hey at least it still
beats, now i really can't say the same
for yours

but finally you're left with a heartbreak,
that this time you really couldn't afford.
6/19/15
2:37 AM
Feb 2015 · 407
Easy Burning
allison joy Feb 2015
you never stayed with me until morning,

always leaving before you could leave a trace,

always leaving before my heart could become your place.

i finally started carrying a knife in my pocket so i could cut

ties with everyone who left me like you did.

you left me feeling like an unraveling thread,

coming a little more undone with every broken promise

that resounded with the words, "i'll stay."

my seams ripping with every, "i never loved you."

how many other girl have you said that to?

i'm tired of being the equivalent of a warning label on your

carton of cigarettes, never caring who you burn.

knowing that they're already killing you,

just as fast as you're killing me.

the worst thing about you is that you made it look easy,

and i personally should know that

loving you was never, and never will be **easy.
Jun 2014 · 844
your wedding day
allison joy Jun 2014
the day i get an invitation to your wedding and it tells me to wear white, i'll wear black, and when you ask me why i'll tell you that i feel like i'm attending my own funeral.

i'll sit there and wonder if you ever hear the sound of broken promises resounding like church bells at a wedding for people that weren't meant to be?

when you're standing at the altar saying vows they'll sound like death threats to my ears. you'll look at me and mouth the words "im sorry" like pulled back triggers on a gun.

i'll remember i was bulletproof until your eyes looked at mine, and then i became the biggest target in the room, and this is why you'll always be a lesson in broken hearts.

i loved you like a forest fire that was out of control, like there were a million firefighters trying to put out the spark we had and someone just kept adding fuel to the fire.

i tried so hard to conceal my butterflies like lighters , unaware that you'd already stolen them from my pockets and extinguished any idea that things could've ever been different between us.

now i understand i was just a broken metaphor to you and it makes me mad that i used to spend most of my time of daydreaming that maybe i'd be the person you spend your last breath saying "i love you" to.

when its asked if anyone has any objections i'll smile and say, "i loved him to," and just like you did, i'll walk away.
Apr 2014 · 523
kissing the rain
allison joy Apr 2014
i like to think about the way rain hits windows because it reminds me of you. i was the rain and you were the boy who never stepped a foot outside. you stayed locked inside like a castle. no matter how many times i cascaded raindrops like tearfalls you could never seem to see the beauty in them. you were terrified you'd become the echo of thunder and that you'd never be heard from ever again. but you were never one to be something so insignificant. i wish you'd open your door and realize the reason i kept coming back was because you had the potenital to be lightening. you could brighten a whole room just by walking in. you made me realize that there was beauty in such simplicity. i knew you were the one because you secretly loved watching thunderstorms. the first time you cracked open your door you were holding onto your umbrella for dear life, like you didn't know what would happen if you actually braved the storm. you were hell bent on thinking the words "natural disaster" were tattooed permenantly on your chest. i tried urging you to come out with promises of washed away fears and kisses in the rain, but you were still hesitant. it was like you were waiting for something and i didn't know what else i had to offer. it was then you decided to come outside and i couldn't understand why. you came up to me and dropped that ******* umbrella and took my hand and said, "can't you see i was waiting for you to let down your guard, you put up walls like windows and made the rain fall like floods around your heart, you were the one who wouldn't let me in."
Feb 2014 · 587
some goodbyes are hard
allison joy Feb 2014
have you ever realized the color of your eyes resemble coffee beans? already on my mind as i take my first sip. i keep finding myself looking across the counter to where you stood just a couple months ago, where our lips danced as if they knew it would be their last. when i thought forever was an unspoken agreement laced in between our fingers. my apartment is as barren as my heart the day i saw you with her. you told me she was a mistake and i remember saying "so were you." by the time you were gone i was already cutting your face out of our pictures. sometimes i miss the way you could make me feel breathless with just a look in your eyes, spending our nights listening to playlists you made for me, but now when i replay those memories all i can hear is broken records and static. i still wear the locket you got me for our 6 month anniversary. it stays tucked away because im afraid to be caught wearing it, or get that feeling a kid gets when he has his hand in the cookie jar. i guess you could say a lot of things aren't meant to be, just like you and me.
Feb 2014 · 612
burned love letters
allison joy Feb 2014
exposure to you was the worst thing that could've happened to me, you taught me wrong and that it was good to hurt. you told me i wasn't good enough, that i was an introspection of disaster just waiting to happen. you weren't ever a loving hand to hold, you were the hands that burned me. you told me i was spiteful, naïve, and that i sang all the lyrics to your favorite songs wrong. you always walked around with balled fists and eyes darker than the embers sitting in the fireplace from love letters i wrote you that you didn't even pretend to read, in that moment i'm pretty sure that i burned holes into my shoes from staring at them for so long. i tended to tiptoe around you because you cut my lips with broken promises and gave me swollen black eyes. when i was with you i learned that the truth hurt because with you i didn't just get a slap on the wrist, i got 3rd degree burns from the words you said to me that are forever burned into my heart. i can't remember the last time i took a breath without getting choked with the hands of a man that was supposed to love me. the day i packed my bags was the day you told me malevolence would follow me wherever i went, i chose not to believe you. but i was wrong because you can see the burns, bruises, and cuts to prove that you kept one promise.
Jan 2014 · 765
a tale of unrequited love
allison joy Jan 2014
ever since middle school my aorta knew it had found you, but you denied it for no more and no less of a quarter. you had nothing to offer except for a handful of broken promises and it was painfully obvious that you had set out to hand them to me. like a jigsaw puzzle i was to be left undone. there are pieces of me that are still scattered on the ground, waiting for you to come back and put me back together again. as time goes on i'm stuck, frozen on the idea that you and i could ever be together. its cold where i reside, on the outside looking in. you have the key to get inside, but you give it to anyone but me. i feel as if  i'm window-shopping for something i could never have. this one-sided love feels like stepping on sharp glass, never knowing where to go or step next. left or right? its a maze that never ends. when i'm positive i can find my way out, you throw me off. i think there's a spark but it turns out to be equivalent to a faulty 4th of July firework. i think it's time to put out the fire that never burned very bright, but if the ashes ever rekindle, you'll always be my light.
Jan 2014 · 2.0k
him, the coffeeshop, and me
allison joy Jan 2014
as i sit in the café alone, reading, and drinking hot tea
i look over and see his brown eyes staring back at me
he notices me and makes his way over to sit down
and in those brown gorgeous eyes, i'll surely drown
we talk for hours until the café has to close its doors
i jot down my number and make sure i've got yours
he takes my hands and says "we have to do this again"
and there are so many sparks between us, its insane
i immediately blush, nodding and saying "okay"
and i know it's pretty obvious im a goner anyways
you give me a sweet and tender kiss on the lips
i hear your voice telling me not to give you the slip
i smile and realize it will always be..
him
the coffee shop
and me.
Jan 2014 · 1.1k
the kind of girl who will
allison joy Jan 2014
1.)   make him coffee everyday and know exactly how he likes it

2.)   have a playlist of songs solely that relate to him (listen to it everyday)

3.)   know things about him that he doesn’t even know himself

4.)   pretend to sleep while he’s over (actually fall asleep)

5.)   lie about liking him

6.)   give anyone a chance (i mean him)

7.)   cry herself to sleep because she realized he wasn't the one

8.)   not realize every poem shes written lately has been about him

9.)   play the memories over and over in her mind

10.) never let him know how she feels because that would only complicate things

11.) give him advice, even if its not what she wants to say to him, but it’s for the best

12.) kiss his scars (she knows where he’s been)

13.) regret every word she never said (theres alot)

14.) always wish for him at 11:11

15.) always fall asleep faster when he’s by her side

16.) sing every song in the car off key with him

17.) kiss him and mean it (tells him she doesn’t)

18.) want him so bad it hurts and be content with being just friends (so she says)

19.) spend her nights lying awake retracing her lips because there once was a time he had kissed them

20.) let him call her and tell her that they’re better off staying friends (she’ll agree, hang up and cry herself to sleep)

21.) act like nothing has happened the next time she see’s him (maybe hug him a little longer than usual)

22.) close her eyes and take a deep breath (tell herself she’s okay)

23.) google the symptoms of a broken heart and realize her diagnosis is him

24.) know they’ll never be anything more but  stilll hope

25.) be by his side no matter what


(a.f.)
Dec 2013 · 1.8k
fitting in
allison joy Dec 2013
i can't stand all the lying society does
and all the while they do it just because
the words they say just to fit in
little do they know my patience is wearing thin
i think that they're all egotistical,
their stupidity has become a ritual
maybe if they opened their eyes
they to would be surprised
they got so caught up in life
yet their actions were in strife
balling my fist as they attack my flaws
that's fine by me because i can fight my own brawls
because i realize they have people pressuring them
and all the while just to fit in.
Dec 2013 · 580
two
allison joy Dec 2013
two
sitting in the car as it snows outside, thinking about you two
i mean i'd be lucky to just meet one of you
but how unfortunate i turned out to be
because i learned neither of you had an inkling of love for me

boys i've loved for some time
how come its been so hard to make them mine
how can i fall for two completely different guys
i seriously deserve a nobel prize

one of you will always be my cup of tea
the other will always be my drink with "no ice please"
but the story doesn't stop there
my heart realized this was something it couldn't bear

so forced to choose at my recuse
my heart turned out to be a bomb i had to diffuse
so i stepped out of the car and into the night
after hours of thinking in the pale moonlight

i knew that i had come to a conclusion
that neither boy would ever be my solution
i went home and threw myself into an oblivion of tears
because it sunk in that i'd lost the boys i loved for years

(a.f.)
Dec 2013 · 2.9k
equality
allison joy Dec 2013
how come we struggle with equality,
when everyones looking for lifes perfect quality?
society cuts down gays down and reprimands,
forced into silence by a government that doesn't understand.

why cant they can't marry?
i mean come on, is gay marriage really that scary?
people should be who they want to be,
not be hiding in a closet unfree.

it's not polite to point and stare,
seriously, why do people care?
they're the same as you and me,
their ****** orientation is just different to some degree.

society needs to take a good look inside,
we need to support LGBT pride.
because supposedly we are "free,"
but how come thats not how its been lately?

(a.f.)
:) x
allison joy Dec 2013
i wonder why i'm here
maybe its my purpose to just disappear
i want to be free to do whatever i want
and lets be real its not that easy to be blunt
this feeling i have doesn't seem fair
i want to be happy, its not that i just don't care

i'm feeling like a puppet on strings
and i can't bear to wait 'til freedom rings
one way or another i'll find a way out
that's a promise, let there be no doubt

so many trials, hits, and misses
you go against my judgement and my wishes
i'm only so strong before i break
question is

how much more can i take?

(a.f.)
this was me a few moths ago x
Dec 2013 · 911
you
allison joy Dec 2013
you
sometimes i think i should have been
mist so i could rest gently against
your skin, but i'm a tidal wave
and you don't want to be pulled in

the way the moon hits the water
which is a lot like how these
feelings keep hitting me, slowly
they come and slowly they go

the ocean parts us to where
we are on different continents,
but we are two hearts as one
forced apart by harsh waters
and the thoughts that we stay
up way to late thinking about

like last night with my feet
dangling off the dock above
the pond,  the goosebumps on
my skin where your warmth
should be, it was then i realized
how gone you really were

laying out under the stars
where the crickets play their
symphonic sounds, i thought
i saw you so i blinked and then
pinched myself, convinced it
must have been a silly little dream

that dock by the pond is
now where we sit with our feet
dangling above the water
and when the goosebumps come
back, you are there to warm me

you came back to me

(a.f)

— The End —