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Feb 2016
i still remember the string lights and
the just cold enough weather that made
me want to move closer to you

i remember the butterflies and the
weak feeling in my knees as you
kissed me for the first time

i can't forget the time that we got
pulled over just hours after you asked
me to be your girlfriend

falling for you was as terrifying as
riding a bike without training wheels
for the first time, but as rewarding
as realizing it was worth it if i fell

i guess maybe i got a little to

comfortable

i guess i thought since i had been
given a taste of what love was like
i was entitled to the whole thing

that was my first mistake

where heaven was once a place on
earth with you, it was now the
gates of hell from which you grew

why is it when it comes to love,
i must love with restraints?

why is it that every time i take that
leap of faith i'm met with the bleak
reality that loving someone to your
fullest capability won't make a
**** difference in the end

why do i find myself working
so hard to keep someone in my
life who doesn't want to keep me

i remember knowing that after
all my efforts to be good enough
for you, i still wasn't enough

i just really hate that people are so
content with throwing away love
like it's a toy that you can leave
and forget for whatever duration
of time and come back to and
think it will still be there

sometimes i get tired of waiting
because it seems like every time i
take that route i am discarded only
to have to pick up the pieces by
later on

lately it has been getting harder to
pick up the pieces, its been harder
getting up knowing that even at
my best i know that i'm not good
enough

*and that hurts
allison joy
Written by
allison joy
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