I cannot say I would officially change anything.

Yes, I would have liked to be a different person.
Yes, I would have like to have gone on a different path.
Yes, I would have like to have been more loved.

But I do like the person I am right now.
I like how I can handle myself when I am alone.
I like how I can take the time to process my thoughts.
I like how I can get through the day.

I cannot be who everyone wants me to be.
I know I am not truly who they think I am.
I feel so alone.

Why can’t I be someone better?
Why can’t I be someone love able?
Why can’t I be someone worthy of love?l

I was never my own person.
You have conveniently put me here.
That’s all my place is.
I am not some middle child ***** to be your ******* support system
I am not some middle child ***** to be your ******* provider

You need my help.
I hate having to give myself up.
That’s all I ever have been.
You are not an important piece of me or my life
You are not welcome to stay as long as you like

Stop being the making others martyrs
Stop claiming I don’t understand
Stop talking down to me
Stop pushing me to do things you can’t

I don’t hate the situation
I hate you for putting me here

My life will be my own
I am not a toy on loan

Don’t think I need your help.

Every time I think of you, I still hold my breath
Not because I am awestruck
But grief stricken.
I never told the world my words,
My silence held me in a darkness that I relished in
The brightness of the truth hurt more than anything I could imagine.

I wish I would have told you,
The language I fought so hard to keep buried,
Wants to come and choke me for concealing it.

Why,
What did I do to you?
Tell me how much I messed up so I can blame myself,
It's easier than blaming you.

You still take my breath away,
You grab my throat and slam me against the ground,
I am purple and blue.
You walk away unscathed and unaffected.
You always told me I looked good in those colors.

You leave me breathless
I have no way to tell you now
I just want you to know how much I loved you.

Secrets we share, unspoken, understood,
Our souls are intermingled bit by bit
Letters stuck in cerement for livelihood,
Pushing more boundaries than you'd care admit.

Our acceptance transcends all others here,
You are the quintessence of my being,
Our intimacy may even seem queer,
Tender moments of love are freeing.

Any time together makes us cohere,
As one idiosyncrasy.
Natural feelings always reappear,
My hear belongs to you, take care of me.

You and I mother are one in the same,
We share the same oenomel Bates last name.