outside,
the evening tries to paint freckles over our
skin until the light starts to dip
low behind the trees.
we sit on the steps of the front porch
and greg says
well you'll never find yourself someone if you
don't learn to be a bit more ambitious.
the sun melts across the
skyline while mom slaps him with a gregory
wayne you leave her alone in that
i-have-raised-six-children-and-i'm-tired
tone only she has.
it feels like something is stirring deep
inside me. like there is a
current building in my stomach and rising
toward my lips with each pressed back i'm
gay i'm gay i'm gay but i tamp that down,
instead tell him i feel like i'm boiling because
that's somehow more normal.
just what's causing that in ya?
my hum is eaten by dad stepping out on
the porch, lighting a cigarette and filling the
empty section of my step.
pop i think this one's a little different.

Death stirs all ways like the wind
like something getting up to go,

and like the wind death doesn't
leave anywhere alone,

but where it is he travels with
whoever take his guiding hand,

gladly will I wait until
                     I die to understand ..

I gaze upon your beauty
Breathtaking in its wonder
I lie nestled in exquisite solitude
Beholding your majesty
King to my Queen
In hushed reverence
Dominating my vision
Noble in simplicity
I surrender myself to your moment
Giving up my heart
Abandoning all sensibility
Knowing you will never forsake me
Lulled by the gentle flooding
Of desire to never leave this place
Or your fascination

(C) Pixievic

Oh what is life if not a thrill,
To crawl, to walk, to run downhill,
To mumble, crumble to old age,
To this end I shall live my days?

To be unseen, to be unknown,
To be afraid to be alone,
To toil to scrape a living wage,
To this end I shall live my days?

Or yet, to pillage viking halls,
To barrel-roll Niagara Falls,
To greet a shark without a cage,
To this end I shall live my days!

Oh what is life if not a thrill,
To this end I shall live my days!

When you apologize and never forgiven
You treasure those old friendships even though they'll never be right again
A mistaken that could be forgotten
Wrongs that will never be right
Make things normal again always a fight
Always in the heart this friendship fell apart
Depart grow apart awhole new start
A friend till the end never forgotten no need to pretend

17
untold horrors
Innumerable errors
Front of no worries
Inside of painful flurries
Fighting down the guilt
The pain
The fear
The anger
The hate
Of actions
Of the past
Present
Full of resent
Never being good enough
For self standards
3 times
3 full restarts
3 times failed
Sadness
Not being able to be
What is needed
Knowing those laid to rest
Would be ashamed
And Enflamed
Being a self
That is despicable
Unreadable
Disagreeable
Unchanging
Lacking the will
To change
And fulfill
All that is wanted
Knowing that self
Is broken