Alberto Ruiz: Favorites

Jan 2015 Alberto Ruiz

&

Jan 2015 Alberto Ruiz

holyoak

&

since you've been gone
i've written a few poems
& not a single one
actually says what i want
because i want to say
i miss you
& i want to say
i need you
& i want to say
come back to me
& you left the door wide open
i thought it was a sign
i thought it was some poetic way
of saying you'd walk back in
but now i realize
you just didn't care enough to shut it
& now i feel a draft
a small cold wind
whispering
"get up & change some things
she left you for a reason"
& now i come to find
that there were never enough ampersands
to keep you & i together

[holyoak]

Jan 2015 Alberto Ruiz

I'm so tired.

Jan 2015 Alberto Ruiz

Natalie Pugmire

I'm so tired.

I’m so tired of the *******. Of the “I’ll miss you’s” and the “I’ll never forget about you’s” because the truth is you won’t miss me and you’ll forget about me without even trying. You’ll say what I want to hear, you’ll get what you want, and you’ll leave. You’ll let me attach myself to you and then you’ll push me away. You’ll wonder why I’m being so crazy, why I care so much, when the truth is you knew exactly what you were doing. And you’ll **** her without thinking of me while I hold his hand and think of you. You’ll hear my name and smirk while I hear yours and am forced to catch my heart before it hits the floor. But no, no, don't worry about me! Go on and tell some other girl that she’s the most beautiful thing you’ve had the privilege to touch. Maybe, just maybe, one day you'll actually mean it.

#love #lust #relationships #tired

Jan 2015 Alberto Ruiz

You forced me to attend my own funeral

Jan 2015 Alberto Ruiz

Natalie Pugmire

You forced me to attend my own funeral

I told you I wasn’t perfect, but on your pedestal I stood
I told you I would make mistakes, but you didn’t hear a word
I begged and I pleaded for you to listen, but you would drown me out
So the day I ****** things up was the day you did more than shout
You wailed and screamed and cried, you held a funeral as if the pretty parts of me had died
But Honey, I warned you, perfection is not real
The disappointment you have is yours to carry, and is not mine to feel
As you leave you slam the door, trailing echoes of regret
I cover my ears for silence, but my thoughts break through in time
If you would have just listened, ******* opened up your eyes
You would have seen that honey, this came as no surprise
This disappointment is yours, and is not mine
For honey I’ve known that I’m not perfect for quite a long time.

#goodbye #perfect #funeral #disappointed

Dec 2014 Alberto Ruiz

I don't know why I can't see

Dec 2014 Alberto Ruiz

L

I don't know why I can't see

My heart is cold and my eyes are tired and I don't know why I can't see
I don't know why you can't see
My hands are shaking my lips are quaking the thoughts don't come the words aren't taking and I don't know why I can't be
I can't be what I see as me
Time flows and he goes and she won't throw words from her throat into the air I'm in despair I can't displace what's in the space behind my face
I don't know why I can't see
I don't know why I can't be me
Shallow breathing heartbeats receding the gentle pleading to keep you from leaving the spot that ought to hold my thoughts behind my face but still I race to fill that space with who I am
I don't know why I can't see
I don't know who I'm pretending to be
Tonight I fight with all my might to find a light to make it right but I don't know who I'll say I am I don't know what's in my plan and I don't know why I can't see
I don't know why I want to see me
Happy days and sleepless nights and times without even a slight clue as to who I should try to be
I don't know why I can't see
I don't know why I can't see

Dec 2014 Alberto Ruiz

I Will Not Shout You From The Rooftops

Dec 2014 Alberto Ruiz

holyoak

I Will Not Shout You From The Rooftops

i didn't want to turn you into a poem
i didn't want you to be my muse
you've ruined my mind and my pen
you've made me blind to inspiration
i can't hold the pages still anymore
i can't understand my own writing
your hair isn't a waterfall
your eyes aren't deep oceans
i'm not held here by your gravity
i'm not sure that your voice is music
you won't own me
i won't turn you into poetry

[holyoak]

Dec 2014 Alberto Ruiz

The saddest noise, the sweetest noise

Dec 2014 Alberto Ruiz

Emily Dickinson

The saddest noise, the sweetest noise

1764

The saddest noise, the sweetest noise,
  The maddest noise that grows,—
The birds, they make it in the spring,
  At night’s delicious close.

Between the March and April line—
  That magical frontier
Beyond which summer hesitates,
  Almost too heavenly near.

It makes us think of all the dead
  That sauntered with us here,
By separation’s sorcery
  Made cruelly more dear.

It makes us think of what we had,
  And what we now deplore.
We almost wish those siren throats
  Would go and sing no more.

An ear can break a human heart
  As quickly as a spear,
We wish the ear had not a heart
  So dangerously near.

Dec 2014 Alberto Ruiz

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Dec 2014 Alberto Ruiz

Robert Frost

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.

Dec 2014 Alberto Ruiz

The Road Not Taken

Dec 2014 Alberto Ruiz

Robert Frost

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Dec 2014 Alberto Ruiz

Let's Go Home, Wherever That Is

Dec 2014 Alberto Ruiz

holyoak

Let's Go Home, Wherever That Is

are you afraid of parking garages
do you think of empty parking spaces
with empty cars beside them
like your own compartmentalized mind
do the empty spaces scare you
like my own scare me
are you afraid of the dust
are you afraid of the ghosts
sitting where people once were
are you afraid of parking garages
are you afraid of the lonely silence
are you afraid of the concrete walls
that are more solid than anything
that you have ever created
are you afraid
that you'll be just as cold
just as lifeless
are you afraid of parking garages
are you afraid of where they take you
are you afraid of the airports
that you always end up in
missing those that never come back
are you afraid of parking garages
are you afraid that you'll park
and that you'll never leave
are you afraid of parking garages
are you afraid of the flickering lights
and your own shadow
bouncing in front you
are you afraid of going somewhere
and never coming home
are you afraid of your home
and when they asked you where home is
did you stutter
because you almost said someone's name
instead of a place
or is your home that parking garage
blank and grey
empty and hollow
are you afraid of parking garages

[holyoak]

Nov 2014 Alberto Ruiz

Locked Rooms Harbor Dark Thoughts

Nov 2014 Alberto Ruiz

nat

Locked Rooms Harbor Dark Thoughts

And the thought of you
razor in hand
tears on your face
and blood down your arms
Breaks my heart
I don't want you to feel alone
because listen to me:
You never are
your demons lock you in
keeping everyone else out
but we're pounding at the door
screaming "I love you"
Wishing we could find a key
Wishing you could hear us

You are never alone
you only think you are
please don't let your mind
be your downfall

{NR}