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 Oct 2014 Alberto Ruiz
holyoak
hands remind me of you
they can heal
they can break
they can create 
they can stand idly by
just like you
touch is everything
but your touch is more
it's a hurricane 
that can't break anything
a feather 
that weighs too much 
everything you touch hurts
it's only when you walk away
that i can mend
your hands were never meant 
to administer to the beaten
your hands delivered 
pain and suffering
masquerading 
as peace and safety 
it's not as though i'm surprised 
i suppose that dying 
is but a side effect 
of living 

[holyoak]
 Sep 2014 Alberto Ruiz
holyoak
if hourglass bodies
have taught me anything
it's that beauty
has a time limit
and it would seem
that you and i
were caught begging aphrodite
for just a few more grains of sand

[holyoak]
 Sep 2014 Alberto Ruiz
holyoak
white knuckled pallbearers
for open handed corpses
silent as the pastor
emotionlessly
reads the rehearsed eulogy
i learn that funerals
were never meant
for the dead
they were always meant
for those left alive
because you haven't truly lived
until you've died inside*

[holyoak]
 Sep 2014 Alberto Ruiz
nat
I swear I
Heard your name
In the sound of breaking glass
And the shards flying
Across my exposed skin
Felt eerily the same
As when your fingertips
Brushed my arm
And I'm reminded
As the blood drops
Hit the white floor
Of how you always
Left a mess
No matter where you went
But maybe the red
Leaving my body
Can take with it
The memories of you
So I can feel the pain
Without anguish or regret

{NR}
 Sep 2014 Alberto Ruiz
nat
I think I saved you
You told me I did
But as I reached
To pull you back
So you could climb up
Again
You pulled me down
And I fell off the cliff
To the depths of the Hell
You had overcome
You said that no soul
Should have to endure it
But I guess that I was never
Anyone

{NR}
 Sep 2014 Alberto Ruiz
B
And I swore to you
I'd be the one to hold us together
But now
I'm the reason were falling to pieces

Memories come back
The way you touched me
Electricity burning through my skin
Never wanting to stop

Maybe if I didn't raise my voice
And scream in your face
Maybe if I tried a little harder
To be a better me

But it's all me
I lost my temper
There's no sunshine after the rain
Just more overcast days

That turn into gloomy nights
Full of self hatred
Regret shame
I promise I'll never raise my voice again

I guess I never knew
The effect I had
In this battle of love and hate
But I'm starting to learn

B.G.K
 Sep 2014 Alberto Ruiz
holyoak
i'm the bone that you broke 
that never quite healed 
the same way again
familiar
yet slightly out of place
then you asked for a storm 
to break you in a familiar way
so i gave you silence 
and it was more 
than you could ever take
i write so much about grasping
at things i can't hold onto
like your hand 
since it's been slightly out of place
and now i'm not sure 
if i've been talking about you
or myself
they told me that the ink on the page
would replace you eventually
but i think i'm writing in your blood
and once the poetry 
is out of my system 
my veins will dry up 
and i'll look just like you

[holyoak]
 Aug 2014 Alberto Ruiz
B
Sometimes it hurts
Being in love with someone
Not because they hurt you but
Because you want them to be happy
And in order for that to happen
You have to let go
I realized I am the anchor
Keeping you to shore
But there's a whole ocean out there
You need to open your sails
Set yourself free
And explore
I can no longer keep you here
You're much happier set free
B.G.K
Tears rolling down my cheeks
This is not strength
I can do better than this
But sometimes
My heart and mind
Overflow
And I don't say a word
Not wanting to worry you
And I'm drowning in hope
yet ready to be crushed
by the overwhelming sense
of reaching the terrifying surface

And as I begin to sink,
hope turns to despair.
The world turns dark.
I inhale a fresh breath,
ready to start again.
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