being introverted actually has nothing to do with drinking tea or reading a lot
all it is? being cooler with small groups of people than large.
where the heck did people start thinking introverts were these glorified
manic pixie dream girls that lounge around all day writing poetry and drinking tea and feeling lonely?
i don't know. maybe i'm dumb or pretentious, but to me, being introverted has nothing to do with tea.

i am a dreamer
idealistic, optimistic
the one who imagines her life will actually turn out how she wants

i am the ideal girl to marry, apparently
according to these heteronormative results
that are based upon me knowing how to cook
and liking to sleep in and wear t-shirts
that seems like ******* to me

i'm not the ideal girl to marry
who would ever want to marry this?
who could i ever want to marry?
to wake up next the same person for the rest of my existence?
to never get a moment to myself?

sometimes i look at her
and imagine my life working out the way it's supposed to
and waking up next to her every morning
and dancing together in sweatpants
with messy hair and fuzzy breath

maybe

settling down in the suburbs
a balding husband, 2 kids, a dog
an office job where i get paid less than the man doing the exact same job
never leaving; stuck.
i can't live that life. i think i would suffocate.
i want a life where everything is fresh, exciting
where i have things to look forward to and every day is a new adventure
maybe i'll be married, maybe i won't
a job where i can travel, see the world, learn new cultures
a job where i can be creative and feel empowered
i can paint the world, splash the globe with fiery reds and let every single person know
i am here
i will leave a mark
**i will not be forgotten

1- i'm scared i'll end up like you when i grow up
#2- i'm scared i'll forget our time together
#3- i'm scared you'll go further in life than me
#4- i'm scared we won't keep in touch once we graduate
#5- i really want you to be in my life
#6- sometimes i feel like we don't even know each other, but we're best friends
#7- i like your attention but don't like you
#8- i don't know what i'll do when you die
#9- i compare myself to you obsessively
#10- i think i really like you

i want to be the person you run home to tell good news
i want to radiate constant sunshine and be warm
i want to be the counterpart to your sarcastic demeanor;
the one you can open up to and let me see you raw
i want to be a person who wakes up every morning happy to be alive
i want to be a writer
i want to be an artist
i want to save the world
i want to make a change

romanticizing you was probably my biggest mistake
after all
you can't fix me and i can't fix you
two twisted, sharp wrongs don't make a soft right
i look into your eyes and see myself
and i hate what i see

someone said your name the other day
while i was passing her in the hallway and
a shiver ran down my spine and
down through the very tips of my toes
and the possibilities and potentialities rush
through my head as i imagine
movie marathons, with our toes touching under a blanket and
snowball fights even though we live nowhere near the snow