I used to see more than the cosmos in you, your eyes held them.
Your lips a forest I could spend my whole life exploring & die still not having enough.
Your hands roots of a rose bush seeping into my chest & to my heart.
Sharing your nutrients to help me grow,
Your mind the greatest unwritten poem, the greatest work of art that'll never be exhibited in an art gallery, even if it were to be put into one your dying wish would that it be sent to a public gallery that didn't charge because you hate capitalism.

But now you are a great big ball of old flame, high and mighty in the sky.
There's a huge distance between the two of us but I can still feel your warmth radiating from you & the dark when you are away. But you are the sun, staring or thinking of you hurts my eyes & the pain shoots to my head and throughout my body.

The time I spent trying to win your heart is the equivalent of the time a pregnant person would take to give birth to a premature baby.
And the time I've had these feelings is the time it would take such baby to learn how to walk.

So I hope she loves your floral dresses & the way your poetry echoes in the fullest of rooms. But most of all I hope she loves you.

Because you acted like all those who came before you were ******* , but only knew my side of the story, and from my side of the story you hurt just as much as the black haired girl who got me into drinking after she broke my heart.

saying*  *i love you  out of habit vs. **meaning it

All those who fought with silence,
Used their words instead of violence,
Tattooed scriptures upon their thighs
Battled the lows with ballpoint highs,
Burn away the fracture pieces,
Iron on the tainted creases,
This purging was our way of survival,
Poet's own parables a secondhand bible,
This was love, this was hate, this was rage,
This was anything we could confess in midnight haze,
Dream out loud all you silent eyed fiends,
For this was nothing but the fuel of the machine

Is this life real
My mind can't accept that it is
After so many years of torment
After so many years of agony
Is this pain free life real
Every step I take these days feel like a dream
Every person I meet seem like a figment of my imagination
(takes a deep breath)
I just can't believe that I'm still alive
All those years I swore I'd do it
Repeating today is going to be the day I end this misery
Hiding the true pain I felt inside from the outside world
Just smiling and waving hoping one day someone would finally see through this lie
Then again I never really wanted to die
I just wanted my life to get better
So maybe just maybe this life is real
Maybe just maybe I am still alive
And my heart just needs to accept reality
This pain free life I live today
Well...maybe it is the real I always wanted to live

you look at them once,
and automatically you
know everything there
is to know.

but what gives
you the right?

the right to label
someone based on
their sexuality,
their mentality or
their physical appearance.

who said you were
important enough to
judge others?

you are not the
high or mighty.

so stop acting
like something
your not.

we circled each other like strange, timid animals of prey
you’d never seen me crazy
but you’d never given me a reason to try
so discarded you mark me
shelf me as that little girl who’ll never understand



now here we are parked in your car
the orchard is quiet tonight
echoing the silence we are disrupting
before you can take my hand and preach your lies
I pop the door and take off

you sigh believing me to still be a child
until you get out to fetch me
and in the dark you see my top before you
do you question what’s underneath me
like you do what’s under the rest of my clothes

no where in sight is the little girl you once knew
intuitively you head toward the pond
contemplating new baptisms
or finally cleaning off layered dust to find reality
wondering what tragedies I’ll bring you this time

do I still make you feel like a young boy as I jump
in the water covered by mere splashes and starlight
are you surprised by the me I am here
that the me you barely knew was fraud
or rather only a mask as painted as your own