Heart thumping
Face on the desk
We're talking about suicide
And I know what comes next

She tells us not to look
We have to close our eyes
She says it's an anonymous survey
And I wonder if I should lie

Raising our hands is a yes
And everything inside me
Screams no while I
Try to calm my bouncing knee

I raise a tentative hand
When she asks if we've considered suicide
That tentative hand raise is the largest step I've taken
And part of me feels peace deep down inside

I carve the words
So carefully into my skin
The words that you say
Hurt me within
You say there just words
And they can do no harm
But look at my skin
I guess you were wrong

you know that girl
that really tall girl
with long legs that
her pants never
come past her ankle.

that girl that usually has
paint in her overgrown, nest of hair
and tends to stare at people,
attempting to absorb bits
of their personalities out
from underneath their skin
similar to how one would
absorb sunrays, she pursues
knowledge of others around
her.

that girl you didn't realize
was in your class until
you make accidental
eye contact one day.

that girl that remained
nameless. that girl that
slipped through the cracks
of the pecking order.

that girl that makes the
effort, but always goes unnoticed.

that girl whose always
too caught up in her thoughts
to see where she's going.

that girl that wears shorts
in december and jumpers
in july.

that girl is me

you can destroy my body and cut my skin
or invade my mind to "make me thin"
but i have gotten stronger,
i have seen the light
no mental disorder
is killing me
tonight


*/evjs

He saw her
From his window
One rainy day
She was smiling at nothing
And drenching wet
He waved

She was crying
Next to him
One rainy day
And he put his arm around her
And told her it would be okay

She took his hand then
And they would sit together
And knew that they would
Want no one else
No matter the weather

And finally they confessed
What was in their hearts
And I'm still as much in love
In every way
As I was
that rainy day

Monsters have to receive an invitation
Before coming inside
That's what I read in stories
But I never let you in my mind
You didn't come all at once
You came like a thief in the night
But you waited patiently
To start shutting off the lights
You manifested yourself
In comments my mother made
In that sinking feeling I felt
That cut me like a blade
Now that I think of it
You were always there
Reminding me of nights I cried
idontcareidontcareidontcare
You broke the rules
I never gave you an offering
But you didn't care
And now I'm housing all this suffering
I can't think straight
And all my walls are crumbling
It's permeable
And the rain keeps pouring
This sorrow is going to drown me
And I think I might just let it
In a place I can only hear my heart beating
Where I can't take any more hits
It's a truth I can no longer deny
As I'm swimming in this sea
I do not have depression
Depression has me