it is a long time since the sun shone in long and low

like that, says the bear.



does this mean it is spring now? it is such a pretty

room.



yellow.

A vessel becomes the

planchette of depths,

moved by the underbelly

of a storm.

Drawn all the way out,

to know how it's seen.

The bloodless spelling

of its own name.

Did you love me?
Or was it just my laughter at your jokes—
my habit of giggling, even at your half-shady pokes?

Did you love me?
Or did I just have the time?
Did you think, “Yeah, she’s not half bad. This could be just fine.”

Did you love me?
Or were you just scared—
tired of doing life alone, craving a body that cared?

Was it real for you? Or just another game?
Was I a plot point in your story
because the chapters had gotten tame?

These thoughts still haunt me—
and the truth I’ll never know.
Mostly because I’d never ask—
and I wouldn't survive you saying “no.”

Sometimes empty, sometimes full of feeling
Escaping from fear, yet, hesitant of the freedom
Looking away from the glaring light
That flows through the soulless skies

Outside there's rain
Pouring till the warm fear-ridden skies run dry
There's rain that can't be let inside the crevices
It'll flood prairies to drench a paltry mind full of vice

The heart doesn't respond to the warm smile
That kind, beady eyes and an understanding nature offer
On a cold, dead Tuesday night
It doesn't catch on fire in the damp air

It is paper thin, a fragile, brittle being that sways
To the light breeze that blows out the fire
Deep inside, whose warmth
It was never accustomed to, long ago

This twisted vessel with its worn sails
Buoyed toward the ocean for too long
I've been through these preternatural waters
Countless times, always turning back in vain

Sailing into the unknown amid the heavy gales
Hurtling into the distance where water turns into vapor
Levered by every wave that pushes along with the tide
I'm tethered by a thin thread, I turn to my heart

Now wait, from day to dusk
Come night, the stars will disappear
As more questions haunted me
They'll burn the battlements of your mind

Time often harrows those with the will to live
It brings with it profound sadness
And that's the narrow strait pushing us ahead
The oceans aren't meant for us

The mind ought to pour itself into logic
Against all notions, challenging the hindrances
Beyond all reasonable doubt
Building faith forever and ignoring the emotion

Despite having little hope left inside
Drowned in the oceanic scapes of blue and white
I'm washed by the distant sunset
Where the sun draws a line through blood red skies

Where one world ends, maybe another begins
To some the horizon may be worth reaching
But this is beyond the reach of my mortal vessel
And the mind can't fathom the distance

Yet it can take on raging storms
There is no moments of stillness for war-torn ships
So many have retreated into the night
Abandoning the journey

Hesitant on returning
Remaining blind to the brilliant sight
The piety disappears soon after
Only leaving behind a disturbed mind

Benign, hapless skies look upon the fierce eddies
That once threatened to carry them underneath
The way back takes with it the lilt of song
Only leaving behind a disturbed mind

The mind can take the beating of an arduous voyage
So show courage
In the face of utter defeat
Revealing the Achilles' heel of your spirit

You'll never hear the surface crack
But there are screams within the fiery depths
And I fear Death will take what I love most
When the structure falls, the rest won't hold

Still suspended in time
Still seeking an eternal sleep for the mind
So many times, the divine sages wander away
Into a dark copse of patterned leaves and interwoven roots

That the mildew has bowered the empty house
As gargoyles lay dry in a vast garden of vacant roses
Now barren, the thorns stick out
Scarring a mind in a state of constant fugue

It isn't my fault that this mind is ravaged by demons
It is shackled to the past when we waged destruction
It isn't my fault that the soul is a dusty tomb
It is at the mercy of time - a brief life of its own

Death will see the parts of your life
That you once held dear as memories
All as part of the incinerated earth
These possessions will become complete strangers to you

Erasing a fraying mind with pain
You'll spend years shifting mountains
So that swelling waves can fill the deserts once again
The sullied spirit can cleanse itself

Your dormant mind will never recover
From a lifelong journey of seeking forgiveness
The jagged ridges of rocky shores will hold back the tide
And soon, the dam will break unable to contain the past

Letting the waves of passion turn into violet roses
A violent desire turn into bruises
As virulent streams settle into the ocean
You'll be left with the remains of your soul

With every skipping heartbeat
There's are pauses echoing into the unknown
But like everything else, it is made of ether
And you carry it now for the rest of the way

If it means a glimpse of eternity
A moment of beauty
Then I've elevated myself in this love
It is a sinking feeling to be weightless, at times

Back into the unknown
Kicking, screaming, and tearing at the seams
The soul has fallen into an endless void
That the heart calls darkness

That the mind calls folly
That the world calls faith
That the memory calls love
And some of us call it an ocean

Are you really that curious
About what lies beyond
This gate
Where the moss collects?

The trees have kept it
In their shade for a reason
Away from the world
Of changing seasons

Are you really curious
About whereto the river flows
Moving through the inner works
Of a forest flourishing with hope?

The sun barely shines over there
It is hidden away from the world outside
An entire terrarium tucked away in the Cosmos
Safe from the narrow minded

So, when you're in doubt
About how much you're worth
Think - this is life
In all its glorious darkness

Has the kindness of others
Ever helped you walk a step more
When you gasped for your last breath
As a blade came closer to your neck

When you were in the depths of vengeance
Did the inner turmoil vanish with a kiss
Or was it a breeze on a solitary evening
That made you hold back the tears

It is in the crumpled leaves beneath our feet
As countless trees die, year after year
Left barren by the fires and seasons
That give us comfort when we're alone

On a distant mountain
Mist
Settles
Little birds flutter
Their wings carrying the wind
In their feathers

Coursing through the rushing river
Streams glisten
On the surface
Fish
Hide
Deep inside, away from the light

Birds sing
Their loneliest song
Hidden in the leaves
Of tall trees
Upon the meadow
Just at dawn

The trees
In autumn
Voiceless
Rustle
With the breeze
In a soundless stupor