I have cared, loved and cried so hard that my mother swore
I cracked the skies.
I have emptied bottles down my throat and
felt my wrists erupt like volcanoes.
I have carved the surface of my own skin;
to free myself from the burden and shackles of my own body.
I have been left countless of times by a lover who did not love me for my own personality nor loved me because I wasn't a good
enough female to have a chance in being his spouse till the Hereafter.
He told me that we weren't a match made in
Heaven nor was this universe even mine to begin with.
I have walked through the different aspects and corners of this earth,
I might have even walked through fire and water before
I could even realize that I was burning from all the
tears that broke loose from my own glands.
I've met ghosts that have brighter souls and smiles than me.
Laughters that filled their minds and hearts with never ending happiness, one in which I have always longed for.
So do not tell me that I am strong, for I am not, for as long as I am breathing.

I do not know what you see in me
Be it the good or the bad
Be it the happy or the sad
The prospect of life can be in many different ways
However you're never open to any of them;
You try to bring me down in so many ways possible,
what is it that I have that you do not?
What is it that makes me different from you;
If we're talking about how inevitable love is,
I must say that you have won.

if only i had the courage to tell you
about all the hidden thoughts and feelings
that are kept inside of me;
how much i never want to let you go
every time we part on our separate ways,
every time it’s time to say our goodbyes’
without realising that it was our last one.
if only i could turn back time to when you
were just nobody and somebody who meant
the whole world to me.
someone who was willing to sacrifice time,
effort and space for a little introvert like me.
if only and if only i could turn back time to
when i was all alone with you;
when we were speaking about the universe
and how you thought that nothing is inevitable.
when we were speaking in a series
of smiles, laughters and giggles;
as we read each other’s eyes and emotions,
making out stories and predictions of
what was going on in each other’s brains.
but there isn’t an if only, and there will never be.

What do you think about hands?”
I have no idea how about you tell me-
I could still remember how stubborn and reluctant I was;
God knows how much I just wanted you to force the words out of me,
How I wanted you to be a part of my thoughts.
Funny thing is how I finally gave in;
“I think that hands are the most inevitable creatures on earth;”
Despite that you’ve never understood what I meant,
what intention I had beneath all of those words.
As days and weeks pass, there was no ice left to break;
all that ever came out of me were tears.
I could hear my heart break as you left;
it sounded like nuclear bomb, it sounded like you.
I was so naive to allow you to do that;
to allow you to go on and be free from all of the life’s shackles.
You left me behind as if nothing happened,
after opening up to you and letting you see the
hidden parts of me filled with guilt, agony, anger, jealousy and love.
I showed you the universe, the stars and how the collided with
all of the words that I could possibly find.
Stitching them together as if they were about to
uncover a hidden message or puzzle telling you that
you were my long lost one that I have been anticipating.
“What do you think about hands?”
I ask myself again and again.
Repeating the words till my mouth feels numb from
the words that I try to make out but I just can’t.
You almost grew in the darkest parts of me.
That includes my hands, my heart and my lungs.
But you were long dead and gone even before
you could start to grow into something beautiful.
I’ll wait;
Despite the number of years that it will take
for you to realise that I have been waiting
eagerly for your arrival in my life.
Waiting for you to stay permanently and forever in my life;
no matter what the circumstances are
no matter what the life has in stored for me,
I will still wait;
and for that, my hands will always remind me of you.