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May 23 · 64
Shall We
Erin Roma May 23
Believe me I tried to match his enthusiasm. God, I really tried to
Guess I lacked in that department, my apologies beau
This is slowly becoming a big inconvenience, don’t want to
He knows I’m up to something yet he didn’t let that get in the way
Yes, I’d love if we continue this but without ever going forward just stay

I could see he’s genuinely trying, though I appreciate the comfort
This wasn’t my plan, because I have way too many misdemeanors
He can perfectly sense it but what can I say, I am in the motion
Five good mornings are better than one and five questions
Asking me how my day went, will drown out that unnecessary tone

People say I got a thing for authority figures
I just find it beguiling for someone to be MORE
So I’ll just settle for guys older **** I like it when I win them over
I like it when they latch into me like they’re pressured and hopeless
Or they’re rejoicing in my youth, funny how they become careless

Oh yes. Thirties and they’re thirsting. But then again eventually, I’d never bother
They’re good enough to bury that one real deal that I cannot grasp,
It’s good for nobody, a mess no one was ready for, a sad canvas
Now, gotta try to manipulate my narrative. They chase me, I want that
This is the calm. The fun. What the real deal fails to have and ***** me over, somewhat?

That is why only his, will never fill me completely
Let’s make this several so that I’ll not be lonely
I wish I could let you off the hook immediately
But not when I’m still getting away from that one real deal
Pitstops after pitstops, until I made my mind. Shall we?
Jan 13 · 70
/i hate to observe/
Erin Roma Jan 13
i hate your eyes
i hate how evidently they lack sleep
i hate the fact that it makes you look cute it makes me sick
i hate the way you pronounce words
i hate that it echoes when i read my notes
i hate your kindness, i hate your smile
i hate it when i actually start to try
to move past it and make a fresh start
then you’re there suddenly leaving a fresh mark
i hate that you know i like you
and the power it has over me
i hate it when you text me just when you feel like it
i hate to convince myself every **** time
it’s going to be the last
because it most certainly feels like it
i hate the impatience i feel because i have no right
i hate the butterflies because they’re the bad kind
i hate that they consume me, rush through me
and i lose my focus, severely
and (*sighs) i hate that i might like it too
i hate that you told me we could form some connection
i hate that i believed in it
i hate not knowing why
all of a sudden there’s a change of tone
when last night I could have sworn
you shared a delicate, intricate piece of you. why?
i hate to swim with questions
did i do something wrong, did i overdo it
i hate that i don’t know what goes in your mind
i hate that once in a while i imagine the possibility
but most of all, i hate the fact that you’re just plain nice to everybody
and there’s nothing, special in me
i hate that i’d have to see you again soon
i admit i’m afraid because i hate
that what i wrote to you, will still be true
i hate that i’d have to pretend all over again
it’s daunting to me
but it’s going to be just an easy task for you
i hate that you’ve become a pretty big chunk in my phase of life
and i hate lastly, that i’m just an insignificant detail to you
May 2019 · 142
The Purge
Erin Roma May 2019
She paused. Again. Hoping to gain another strength before she forces all these wastes out of her. One last sigh before she sticks her ******* into her throat and let her body pay for all the gluttonous thrills she can’t help with. For having that omnipresent urge win over her and throw her into a feast. That is the absolute worst. Because that’s when waves of regrets come flushing to her. She feels so panicky like the world’s falling apart. And now her eyes is watering with tears, her throat is sore with all the strain it has gone through, her abdominal muscles aching as it repeatedly contracts. She is stuck in this endless cycle of being deprived and depressed, drowning herself in sinful indulgence, feeling a tremendous loss of control, filling her self with unforgiving remorse and finally hurling those horrible monsters she just opened her doors for. But it’s the only key to make her hate herself less when she looks in the mirror. It’s the only convenient solution to experience the stuff she has been dying to taste without harming her goals. Everybody talks about positivity and loving yourself but she lacks the ability to stress how hard it is. She’s at the point in her life where she can not be okay with how her thighs look like wearing jeans, how it’s just as big as her father’s who is taller and more muscular than her, how she gives the best smile she thought she projected in photos and looking more like her whole face is swelling. How she goes crazy terrified of some numbers that increased. She did not know what they said bore far more greater value until those moments. It waved flags right into her face and snapped her into the reality of how hideous she has become.  And now she met metamorphosis. Those comparisons that drive her to run fifteen extra minutes to her half-hour routine, that made her enjoy exhausting herself knowing that she will burn more especially with a bit of calories to arm herself. Quite often, she wakes up in the middle of the night, belly’s screaming with gnawing sensations and she can’t deny she is very glad of it because she knows when she steps on it tomorrow morning, more will be lost. It signifies hope is coming and let me tell you, it FUELS her. She has learned that the only way is to make those numbers go down. Those numbers that define her. Those numbers that equal her self-worth. Those goal numbers that she believes when she finally reach, will be the only thing that could give her the ecstasy that she desires. Because with every intake, she felt emptier and with an empty stomach, she sensed fulfilment. Alternating between these two universes she ultimately craves, where in one, she takes absolute joy without ever feeling guilty in finishing her medium rare steak to the bone and the other where she wears herself out hoping to be closer in shedding the unnecessary, excess part of her to the bone.
Nov 2018 · 883
courting the martial
Erin Roma Nov 2018
really? a bit of a stumble? no.
to speak of that she’s missing,
now that’s an accurate blow
yet an understatement begging

could you do better than that, mate?
listen, it’s a deep audible breathing
the inadequacies painfully adequate
visions maimed, blindly wandering

a kind of pretty something she sought
called for distraction from degrading thoughts
what once was a careful fancy plan
in a swift stroke, now it’s coming undone

her walls echoed the how’s and why’s
pouring the frustration in that thing she sought
yet it proved to be a more frustrating cry
sweet candies and spoiled foods all for naught

in those small pulses of validation she felt
longer vibrations of self-pity linger
praying ****** hopes of forgetting as she knelt
someday the kind she needs may He bring her

what she aims starts to decay
blisters and battles where her loyalty lay
drills and ceremonies and flying planes
remains untouched, but still aspired everyday
courting the ambition  like a lover
now get  me out of here
Erin Roma Aug 2017
I never would have thought your whole existence could carry much significance in my life. There you were, standing, introducing yourself in fifth grade while I sat interested looking at you.
2. Have i ever told you that you are a great big ******* sunshine. Your good-mornings remind me a bright day ahead and boy you even make late night-talking so LIT my eyes are glowing yeah (from the brightness of the screen apparently)
3. You're a Virgo. I'm a Gemini. They've always told that earth signs do not always get along really well, with us, signs of the air element. And here we are proving them wrong. We're so much opposites yet we're more like magnets.
4. You wholeheartedly accepted my rainbows, supported me in every way and made my mess seem less of a storm.
5. Imagine lying down on flower fields at 6am. Listen to ****** hiphop songs. Think of the word wonderful. Watch a movie abundant of corny punchlines. That's being with you is like.
6. Together, we become investigators, actions analysts and psychological advisers when it comes to the people we like. Offering impressions and psychic predictions just so we could be sure we're hitting the right track.
7. You're the apple to my pie, you're the straw to my berry. You're the dirt in my eye. You're the Tom to my Jerry.
8. Fall down seven times. Stand up EIGHT. No matter how petty or serious our fights are, we're gonna mend it my best mate.
9. I am your biggest fan. Just like that.
10. Lastly, I know you're never into poetry and **** yet I made you one just like how I can't comprehend how you create art pieces so beautifully or just draw a single line so spectacularly. I'm always in awe. You give me glee.
to my handsomest bestfriend, happy birthdaaaay
May 2017 · 501
Musick of All The Beats Yo
Erin Roma May 2017
I tried to pluck some strings
Listened as hard as I could
Stared  at the song written before me
Yet the lyrics don't mean a thing as I stood

Cowering behind these bars I built
These melodies I've worked so hard to fake
So that I, myself, can lose in it, believe in it
A vibrato my soul needs to make

I grieve for the lost times, for a wrong pitch
Into many delusions, I sink, I sink, I sink
It's hard to make something out from pieces
We sang all of the chaos it made in chorus

"Seem" fuels a very powerful belief
It's real, spoken in hushed tones
Yet when I try to form some harmony out of it
It's very evident, the tunes don't exist at all

Time ticks and it still keeps me guessing
Even the world couldn't comprehend a thing
And so all the notes died unprivileged from the truth
We'll never learn what's real. Will we?
Mar 2017 · 343
Erin Roma Mar 2017
We both like red
He's captured by its vibrance
While she dwells on its gloom
Truth is I love maroon

We both look good in it
Yet your sight belongs to another
He let a wide smile and she does too
While I stare in peace, holding myself together
Feb 2017 · 277
Cold Fire
Erin Roma Feb 2017
She's beauty, she's rage
An end to patriarchy
Such a labyrinth
Jan 2017 · 345
but who ever loved ordinary
Erin Roma Jan 2017
you share a splendid resemblance with enigma and i guess no matter how insane i try, i am just not the alan turing to crack your code
you are impossible
and unfortunately, i'll always be playing the imitation game trying to win this great war with myself
Jan 2017 · 396
Erin Roma Jan 2017
Have you ever seen two worlds in contrast? One is just a plain sight. Never demanding anything so extraordinary. While the other one consists of billions of possibilities that you'll give up learning Math's permutation and combination. It's beautiful actually. You could say that it's pretty tiring but dimensions are a whole lot of fun. One afternoon, you're only reading a book in a bustling train. Never feeling that cozy in a long time. Being surrounded by a crowd temporarily makes you forget that you're lonely. Next thing you'll know, you're standing in total darkness. The loud chatter of the person you sit next to, suddenly fades into deafening silence. Hehe but don't worry you are not alone, darling. There's a smiling demon beside your face. He's quite delighted to see some company.

It's strange right? But I love strange. It's just the kind of level I need. You'll get the hang of it. The most exciting part is that it drives you out of your comfort zone. I hid there and hibernated but I learned that it did me no good. Okay **** now where was I? Oh yes, I have to tell you the ******* thing about myself. I, Erin Roma, am miserably bursting with dimensions. And it's all a slippery *****. No, I don't want to hear my skull breaking again. I'm done with that. But the question resurfaces, is he done with me? Because I still feel the blood in my forehead. It hardened so much that no matter how determined am I in wiping it, nothing ever happens. It just stays there.

The voices in my head linger. No, I'm not some lunatic killer. Hmmm I might be someday. But right now, I'm just plain lunatic with her spectacles shattered on one side standing on the top of a cliff, staring into the emerging horizons. I still wear it though. The glasses, I mean. Because you'll never know when will it strike again. The world is full of capabilities. The sharpest light sawing back and forth, ripping through the pupil in my eyes, just before it dilates. Was it salvation? Do I need some saving?

No, you couldn't possibly be referring to God. That was so 10 years ago. This real world slapped at me. Now, it's gaping its doe eyes on you. Watching our every move. Threatened by the fact that I'll go back. No, I'm not turning myself into an obsessed idiot again just so that I can solicit something from Him. I was a hypocrite back then. One of those judgmental little ****** dressed as righteous disciples.

I'm ignoring all of it. The ghosts nagging me, engulfing me in a vortex. Should I go back to the plain world? Back to the life of pretending to be things they expect you to be? I'm  a non-conformist and I've suffered way too long. Enough of the zigzag that you're currently dealing because of me. Eyes closed, I'm starting to grasp where I am going.




I laughed back saying "BITE ME."
Dec 2016 · 740
Erin Roma Dec 2016
different streaks of brushes
pulsing lights of distinct hues
swaying to the wildest beats
not a single care in this world

sweat running through skin
carrying a scent so awfully sweet
my arms enclosed around his neck
eyes closed, the end is near

drop dead in the ocean
lying calm in the waters
my lips into his
no purer touch than this

television muffling the sounds we make
drunk on music at this delicate hour
scars on my body, you trace it like a knife
awakened senses, bustling with life

playing me gently like a lana del rey song
though i can still see the nervousness in you
i thought it was cute, your shivering hands
then we both smiled and it's enough reassurance

clinging, holding onto your muscular back
leaving claw marks as we drove higher
good ride, can't barely breathe
to the extremes, i am so ready to die

both knowing we could end up in a violation
to a maximum speed, we agreed to accelerate
but for the first time i felt secure
im glad to be helpless, im glad to be hunted
Dec 2016 · 262
Erin Roma Dec 2016
you are a dream. my guilty pleasure. the jaguar i needed to drive off a cliff.
the satisfaction of throwing away the luxury just before it loses its beauty. desperate to desist our connections yet fully aware that i'll be lifeless in the end.
Dec 2016 · 296
Juan Emilio
Erin Roma Dec 2016
I lost my virginity looking at an art
though my innocence remains in its meaning
You told me stories and how you love art so much
I asked you "Why don't you love yourself?"

Fragments, broken shards, i'm a fractured bone
but to my surprise, 'twas still blending, exhibiting symmetry
could you imagine how quickly a rupture may turn to rapture
A chocolate misshapen ; melting, dripping into a mess

Its impenetrability is what amazes me
No matter how sharp I became
I just can't get past its protective bubble
If i plead, would you let me in?

I swear, just one look, a glance maybe
and expect me to make a thousand poetries
Perhaps, can I make it my home?
And I'll sleep my remaining days away
Dec 2016 · 321
The Agony of not Knowing
Erin Roma Dec 2016
When I woke up, groggy from the previous mind adventure, I knew I was still deep in slumber.
Dying to unveil what satisfies my deepest questions. How do I get out of this labyrinth? A pilgrim with nothing to hold on to. Not so sure.
My very own sanity is a hurricane. Severely obsessing over the slightest bit of your imperfections. Don’t you know my heart hurtled? When you called my name?  It rode a space shuttle, plummeting in loops when you tease me with those sweet little things of yours. It was ultimately extreme. It screamed. Screamed so wildly because it wants to stop and at the same time, it feels so high that it could reach the seventh heaven. Now, does it please you to see me struggle? You win.
I wander the insides of this hideous monster and wonder what it’s like to be outside. In the real world. Maybe this is the door to something, something  cinematic and magical. Maybe things would be rough before it goes smooth and velvety. Yeah maybe. I forced myself to believe.
I have made several attempts for a sweet escape but every fugging time, I am always lured to come back and get trapped again.
Your presence is an intertwining intoxication and remedy. Maybe, I shall get you arrested from making me suffer from an euphoria that you hit and ran. Or maybe not because I enjoyed it in some way. Your sadistic crime brought me so much damage that my brain rejected to function properly.
Now I’m feeding on pure delusions that I could still recover and get back safe. Safe into paradise that I initially think you were. It’s like thinking that you’re taking the right path to heaven and suddenly it gets darker, uglier and before you know it you’re about to experience hell. Hell inside a maze.
“Please wake me up. His pull held me captive so tight.” A voice echoed with a blur.
I can’t grasp whose is it. Ever since I came here, I hardly recognize who I am.
Dec 2016 · 3.0k
Erin Roma Dec 2016
A yearning she cannot fathom
A whole 'nother level, she was mind blown
Hoping to blind herself with deception
Perpetually drowning in confusion

Said that she would never again be ****** with your sorcery
So everyone told her to be extra wary
But I guess that's a quality she lack entirely
Now she's drowning in confusions, perpetually

She never planned a pursuance
Though the force is strong, 'twas only a nuisance
She saw your face, she was caught in a trance
Perpetually drowning in confusion, an abundance

This animal is in dire need of suppression
And so she did, filling herself with depression
But then the prey showed a different sign of intention
Now she's perpetually drowning in confusion

Your sudden interest seems unfitting
Could it really be? So close to believing
It opened more, showed more, she's heeding
In perpetual confusion, she is drowning

She was taken aback, this impossibility
Yet you opened it wider, the eventuality
Or so she was led to believe, the absurdity
The confusion is drowning her in perpetuity

Doubts, doubts, doubts were running
In her head, seconds from wilding
But you calmed her fears, ever growing
Deeper in perpetual confusion, she's drowning

With every positive response of yours
She was driven crazy, hoping for more
For a moment, it felt certain, she was sure
Perpetually drowning in confusion, no more

Now her true self was put into question
For the longest time, involuntarily shunned
Is she truly worthy of this identification
Perpetually drowning in confusion

She was quite lost in traffic
The signals were all but messed up
Wandering around like some lunatic
She's clueless of what's true enough

Perpetually drowning in confusion...
You were a swimmer...
Yet you never even bothered to save her.

— The End —