i can't live down
how i don't live up
to the level
of love

i compete
with a she
i can't see
and that
they won't show me

so instead i leave
and them to grieve
and me to dig deep
the grave
for when
the grave
agony
lets me leave

please

let me leave

push me to the edge of my seat
sit me on the tip of my tongue
tilt till i trip to spill brims i overfilled
creaking on the verge of pent up tears
and brinks of insanity that ceased to be

i freed the fear
and felt my fleeting feet
flee to defeat
the feat of defeat

as days i see
decrease
and time on me
decrees
indefinite sleep
in peace
i for once and finally
can rest
at ease
deceased

i swept yesterday under the rug
let horrors of tomorrow interrupt
and the love they say today erupts
every new day from dusk to dusk
hates how i lay here dulled by dust

lying
like i’m smiling
trying to find
the fine line
lining all
across the truth
hear how my heart
here hoped to die when
tyrants tried
my tired mind and
mine wasn’t
triumph
tell my youth
sing in the silence
break into timing
see
truth wasn’t lying
when she swore on
me and you
she’d die when
our time did
it never lies
this time
it’s true

i am sorry
for the bruises under your eyes
i'd say i wish they were mine
but we wear the same sleepless wounds
pretending all is fine;
there's blood in your mouth,
your tongue tastes like copper
it's like kissing pennies
but far, far softer.

i am sorry
this is not the life you were promised,
baby eyes wide with wonder
as your mother's words tried for honest;
i wonder if she knew
what the world would bring unto you,
the things your father would do,
the ways his friend would ruin you
all the wasted love
and all the terrible tears
looking at the sky above,
empty bottles counting the years

a highly praised one
raised right by my homemade love
came to shame the pain we come from

time’s been and still is too tough
i drink enough till i think i’m enough
fill my gut till i’m drunk on your love

just enough
to forgive
my blood

like my heart drops
my tears form clots
and the humming stops

i can’t sink or sing anymore
write or stream my ink anymore
i think it unlinked from my thoughts

i don’t think
i can outrun its bars
my verdict from the world

i’m not what they deserve
vermin in their herd
i heard

im what makes
their perfect
imperfect

so summon my courage
kiss my sober kosher thoughts
till i sink slow to kiss this morbid
ocean floor.

not in heaven
but when i must admit
myself to hell it’s
been where wit’s end exists

i need a drink
the double vision it
sets me on a single path
where there’s no room for quits

its true the price is this
cancerous abyss
of self-absorbedness
but sad certain agony
is better than inconsistent bliss