I have scars vertically placed on my arms from the kindness of a rusted razor blade

don't be alarmed,
   I only tried to **** myself.

I have bruises on my knees from the rocks placed on the train tracks

dont be alarmed,
   I only tried to **** myself.

I have rub marks on my neck from the rope that broke like a small piece of thread

don't be alarmed,
   I only tried to **** myself.

I only tried to **** myself, that's all, go back to tweeting.

i'm humbled being here
and i'm not sure why

i'm visiting
so i'm allowed
   right?

   so many
the stones seem to go on forever
and i dare not step on one
   no
that would be disrespectful
   inconsiderate
so i walk around
  sometimes hop
if it's last minute

and i find him

here
   alone
  a grey stone
     a military stone
a proud army man
but how proud can you be
   after the fact
i clean it up
   the stone
brush off the dirt, dried leaves
   so i can look

   and i look

reading his name
my heart skips a beat
    my throat constricts
my stomach hurts

i miss him
       my dad
i surely, truly
unapologetically
   miss him

but it doesn't really matter, does it
he's not coming back
   he's gone

  and i'm left here
to figure things out by myself

and it hurts.