I held the firefly jar
So tight
It broke in my hands
All my wishes
Took flight

I finally washed my bed sheets.

But on Mondays,
I still water that ******* orchid.

That beautiful blue *******
blooms a new hue every week.

And every week, I am forced to remember
(how could I forget)
how I watered and waited
for a new you to bloom—

not one more beautiful,
not one more suave,
or more handsome, or clever—

but the one you assured me was ripening, quiet
like the beautiful ******* before me.
The one that would love me,
despite being lifeless
for giving you all that supports me.



I thought about throwing it out

but every week,
the orchid keeps its promise.

I daydream briefly
and I think about
the softened, muted features
of a female, screaming silently
and tearing at her shoulder blades.
(who is she, who could she be)

the softened, muted features
of an abandoned cardinal mother,
screeching at the loss of scarlet lover.
(where is he, or could he be)

the softened, muted features
of myself alone and sleeping,
finger tucked inside a book
I haven't read about self-love
that I just like to tuck my fingers in.
(how am I, how could I be)

*I don't know why
I want to tell you
but I do,
I really do.
I think my heart
is in an okay place
and think that
yours is too.

I was just a little girl
About 5 years old
As you made your second attempt
On my persona
Pushed me on to the table
And forcefully started
Removing my clothes

It had not been enough
That I had no compassion
Zero empathy
For what you claimed
To be sorrow over loneliness
go play with your own friends

Bet you had none.

The understanding came to me
In a split second
As I saw the blue light
Within the depths of my heart
Growing larger
Gathering power

I knew now
That I was not
To plead
To beg
To ask
But to demand
Like grown-ups demand

stop

The command left my lips
With the intensity of the Source
Compressed in to my lungs
Tears came to your eyes
I approached your sobbing body
And you ran
Like cowards run
Never having layed a hand on you
The blue flame saved me

And left me with no memory

You
Me
No more people
Not even three
Just you and me
Walking along the sea
Talking about things of days
Walking in a salty haze
You look at me and then
I wake up
Sad and alone again