There's a beautiful coffee shop,
I can't wait to show you.
I presently sit outside.
Here I come to spend too much money,
but there is no other place like this.

Monumental moments have transpired,
over the exotic coffee,
on top the perfectly finished wooden benches.

And I hope you love it.
I hope you'll like the sounds,
the people,
the conversation.

I hope you enjoy my tendencies to sing in public,
to get overexcited and to speak in some other person's
high pitched voice.

You are out there.
You are coming.
No matter how long it takes
I will believe in that.

We run with flames in our hearts
in our hands
in our voices
in the lands,
We stand on the rocks letting people know that
we are here
that we don't stand for us
that we stand for them
we've—been here
we've—slept here
we've—loved the soil
every inch of its worth—here.
And to think that we'd step off our Rock, now?
For every one of us that They knock down
They exude monsters out of the cracks in Their teeth
laughter roars
money pours
They've created unspeakable wars
Let us be.

the eyes turn over fingers
turn over wine and flesh,

teeth tasting and small
inside the hips

(where my mouth lives
with 2 blades of youth.)

Here they come now!

Giggling up the sidewalk
On their way to my front door!

Masses of costumed gremlins
Tumbling, Pushing, Squirming, screaming bundles of fun.

On their way to my front door.

Sticky faces, Painted faces, Horrid Hairy masks that hide happy faces,
Upturned faces

Grinning ear to ear in anticipation of some goody
Tossed into each sack

On their way to my front door!

looking back, you never wanted me.
you said you wanted a good democrat to take home to mama.
you wanted a trophy.

i sped all the way to campus.
i'm sure i went over the speed limit.
you couldn't wait one more hour.

i wouldn't say yes.
we had a date, but i couldn't say yes.
you need the answer, don't you?

i have never let another see me naked.
others have taken my clothes, but you took my shield.
i trusted you with my vulnerability.

in the afterglow, i wrapped my arms around you, a hand on your chest.
you made big promises and big plans that we both know you couldn't keep.
i trusted you and told you i'd see you after work.

you said you were so tired.
i offered up a bed, but you said you needed to think.
you always need to think.

i woke up three hours early so i could stop by your room before class.
i wanted to cuddle, you told me to stop it.
i thought you were joking.

the text still lives in my phone.
i didn't want to make it official.
so you didn't want to make it work.

you never wanted me.
you just wanted a status update.
you didn't care who you dated.

you were gonna use me.
i was gonna be the girl you could show mama.
i was gonna be your prize.

it's better that it happened this way.
you are not who i thought you were.
i am not who you wanted me to be.

-hm.

"I guess–I don't know–underneath it all I'm just a romantic. I've loved (I will always love), and I suppose when I'm dead someday that will only be what's left: some vague echo of a moment I shared with someone. But really, and truthfully, I loved them in that moment.

And I will live, who knows how long, but I will live and I will carry in my heart those moments. The tasting and touching of those moments. I will hold them in my heart, and in my own way, I will always love them. Each one. Each moment and tongue.

It is sad and it is wonderful–that I got to have any of them at all, and that I got to have none of them. But that's probably on me–I'm not always the best person.  

I don't know, I guess I'll just keep trying. But please know I loved them. All of them, in their own way.

I'm sorry for who I am. I'm sorry if I ****** up. I just wanted to be happy. I just wanted to taste someone's skin and live.

Maybe tomorrow I'll die. Who knows.

Anyway, I love you. Goodnight."