I was wondering at night when my solitude took place around my existence.
Then, I think of you and a smile form on my visage.
When a supermoon illuminates the night,
You told me that I am a poetess.
The one who takes pleasure in singing composed poems and lullabies,
until I fell asleep under a myriad of stars.

I saw a photograph in a room, the same place where we were supposed to lay down before. It is still fresh in my memory, and I can't help but smile whenever I remember it.

You were a person who avoided taking photos, and to get a shot, I needed to make my whole effort by saying how cute you are.

One night while we were staring at the sky, you took our photos, and I felt how happy you were. The smiles on your sweet face are genuine, and then you whispered, "I love you."

You asked me for a photograph, not knowing that it would be the last thing that I would hold whenever I missed you. I felt the pain of losing you. How am I going to face the world without you?

I won't see you forever in my eyes, and I will only reminisce about our memories together by that photograph. A lifetime where I could no longer touch you nor hear your voice.

My love, your genuineness is reflected by that photograph. If the world can't keep you, then I will keep you in my photograph. The love we shared has a special place in my heart. Until we meet again, my child.

You have coolness.
I saw it in your eyes.
You have warm.
I feel it with your touch.

You maintain your calmness.
But I know your fears.
You are so gentle with anyone.
It is difficult to know the difference.

I am afraid to ask,
and to know the answer.
What is in between us?
What am I to you?
What are we?

I was like a leaf bud falling from the branches of a tree during autumn, melancholy on the arrival of summer.

Have you heard her cries when the night passes?
Have you noticed her fears of failures and disappointments?
The childhood losses on her way, teenage skips on her process, as she needs to act like an adult who weighs heavy baggage.

Her angst and anger issues resulted from the pressure, to be always strong, don't make any wrong. She is like a parent to her siblings, and a caregiver to her aging parents. She is always being misunderstood, the one who is always blamed for other family member's wrong actions.

She is not healed yet from her past trauma, always putting others before herself but they neglect her feelings. Her bad temper identified as her negative traits not knowing the reason behind it.

The truth in this situation, she never wanted to be the firstborn. The one who witnessed every moment in her life that put her under tremendous pressure to be perfect in the eyes of her parents and a mature role model to her younger siblings.

She always needs to be at the forefront of every situation, the one who needs to be the first one to try before the other. Like a person who tastes food first, whether it has poison or not, but never releases the negativity that accumulates in her whole existence because she started to view taking help as a sin.

Her parents told her that they never worry about her, as she is independent and responsible, but little did, they know that their first child can be vulnerable too. It's tiring to handle aggression and disrespect after all the sacrifices she gave to please the people who never saw her effort to be a substitution for her parents. She is not allowed to expose her weaknesses and vulnerabilities, not knowing that she doesn't know how to take of herself because she is busy taking care of others. After all, they still called her bratty and an ungrateful child.

Afraid of having her children because of cycles of this trauma and the burden they put on her that leads to her attachment avoidant. She is afraid to trust even herself.  If you know how she perceives life with her own eyes, perhaps, you will understand the reason why she behaves like that.

She is a child too that needs to love and be understood.
She is your eldest daughter.

All these years, I wore a mask that was suited to other people's validity. I tried to ask for their acceptance to feel significant until it made me suffocated. Losing myself and emptiness felt in the depths of my heart. There's a hole that could never be filled by others. Behind this mask was my true self until I realized that I didn't need to hide anymore. I didn't need to cover myself from the world because love had found me.

The love I have for myself filled the hole inside my heart, exposing the true tenderness and goodness of the soul. My precious soul despite scars and imperfections, I know that I was beautiful. This love I have for myself surpasses all of the doubt and insecurities, uncovering the mask I have worn for so long, and embracing my uniqueness. This love nurtures my existence to be the best version. This love will keep me living.

I am thinking about the song, you played a while ago. It captured my attention the same as the rhythm of my cold iced heart, that warmed once more by its lyrics about romantic adventures along the mountain and sky.

I remembered the words you uttered as I was captivated by your lips. Even though those words are ambiguous, I'll try to understand them. The triple times you said those three words mean everything to me.

I felt like I was trapped by the love before I realized the whole idea of it.  If you mean it, then I wouldn't doubt your love as I don't want to be hung by the gallows of sorrow if ever you break me.

The beauty of the sunset and we were surrounded by greens. You serenade me with a mellifluous song you composed as our eyes met.  You are so serene while I am narrating the moments of us in my poetry that describe the time you tell me you love me over and over.

One of my classmates told me, "Why are you always on their backs?"
"Why are you always following them and they were going, laughing without thinking of you?"
"Do you still belong to the group?"
"Are you okay to be like that?"
That'***** me hard. I don't respond since, within me, it's all true.

She spoke, "I am here because I have something to tell you."
He replied, "What is it?"

She told him the sentence that she wanted to tell him for a long time.

"Let's stop seeing each other."

She let go of his hand and starts to walk away, far away from the place she has memories of him, knowing that she will never see him again. The man who brings pain and joy to her heart. Never turned back while tears fell into her eyes. She let go of him, the man with whom she was in love the most.

He just stared at her, doing nothing, because he's never loved her.

You were on my mind.
I saw wonderful things with you.
However, I doubt it.
If I have the opportunity to witness it any longer.

I love you truly, that will exist.
Even if I saw death right in front of my eyes.
It won't change.

If God allows me to do so.
I swear, I'll find you.
In paradise where we can be together,
where there is no pain and death.

I'm so sorry, my love.
I regret not being able to come back home.
My home is where you are.

I was enthralled by the reddish moon blazed as it moved into the earth's shadow to conquer heaven, and I was completely at ease to gaze upon its light.
However, it is obscured by a thick cloud until it vanishes, which results in complete darkness.
My heart kept on yearning to see it again as my love continuously swung by the wind until it reached the sky.
Eagerly anticipating, at the right time, the upcoming eclipse.