I kept your note in my head
And I hear it every time the pitch scratches through my ear
When the music isn't enough and the speakers start to buzz
I'm counting my cards and I'm planning my next move to fall in love
I lost my best friend, but also my dove
Don't know when I'm going to push you away, and say enough is enough

Fall caught my attention
Seeing the beautiful leaves stray fleeting
I've been biting at your heels for so long some may say I'm teething
I'm young and my hearts still beating, people say I should jump and drink and **** until I'm bleeding
But all I want is dirt roads, a home, and a season that's never fleeting
I want so much some may say I'm needy
Some may say I'm always day-dreaming

Keeping this inner monologue, going to keep myself from thinking
Sometimes it makes me feel bigger, sometimes I feel like I'm shrinking
If I'm inflamed, don't inquire a doctor, just grab me some cortozone
If I'm crying, don't ask her why, just hang up the telephone

Go to church to ripen your life
You’re layered like an onion, hard to get past the tusk
You’re riding in the back of my hearse
On a bed of colloquial sins
Let me ask, does it hurt your back?

Let’s open the book and contradict
Get through a few pages, this books a bit thick
Pick out a few verses that I’d like to call my favorites
We could sit there all day, we could politik
You could become my favorite little hypocrite

We could take the definition of love verbatim
We could boast, keep a record of wrongs
I could preserve you in the carbon chamber of my mind
If love never fails, then love is never patient nor kind
Ball and chain I will bind every loose end I can find

Kneel your head, darling, at the call of a pew
Have you prayed today? You’re looking a bit gray
Your skin is thick like a damp haystack at the end of May
You’re here to stay with me, I will undertake all the pain for God's sake
Mumble my vows while you sleep next to me
Thread the needle when your falling part
Sew you up like my own work of art

You’ll be my masterpiece, and I’ll be your master, and you’ll find me some peace
I will be the only one to awe at your greasy hair and your cold dead feet
And we can take back that one time you wore a white dress at the courthouse
And all the times before that, that my hands snuck under your blouse
I’ll be ****** if I do, I’ll be ****** if I don’t
What’s said is done, I found this book too late to make it count

I wish you'd make me do everything you didn't want to do
I wish you'd boo at everything I tried to do
You can be the audience, I'll be the fool
Because I want to fall in love with you

I want you to hurt me
I want you to stain my sheets and I want you to sue me
I want a divorce, I want to feel blues
Cancel your plans, we've got some misery to do

We can do it like my parents did
We can stay together for the kids, but I know we'll lose
I don't care what you choose, I don't care what you do
Because I want to fall in love with you

How many more clues do I have to give you
Destroy me, destroy you
Let's fall into love like skydivers with no parachutes

It's the way he touched you
You hated him but loved it
It's all the things we can't talk about
Breathing behind the blinds of your closet, and in the darkest parts of your head  

Mangled in your memories
Caught in the middle of your dark fantasies
You love him but it feels so **** good to feel different
Hiding in another man's bathroom on your knees  
What he won't know won't hurt him, but it'll hurt his insecurities              
  
You won't say a word but the media and the magazine's are yelling at him
He's pouring his scotch just to find a friend, and it's a lot like his mind when it's alone, it's pouring over the brim  
Cascading into mountains flying over top his head

You're a desperate little doll just stuck in your thoughts
Cowarding in the corner of your room hiding behind all the things you bought, to make you feel better
His income is incoming but his do's are doubts and shame
Everything's warmer near the fire, but the warmth will drive you crazy when you catch aflame

You're stuck inside a telephone booth and the copper wire's split
It's everything you want to say, it's all the things hidden underneath your beard that's turning it gray
Sometimes it's better to blow the flame out, but you'd rather stay lit

Everywhere I see people protesting beliefs
We see no pockets but yet we know they are thieves
They ask where the flowers have gone
But they are the ones holding a flag in front of the sun
We have seen this before, the news shows us bombs and guns

But maybe if we could speak other languages we could hear the news from their fathers and sons, and mother's and daughters lungs
An air they speak that we have not breathed before, unbiased, unscathed from the media and their **** lobbyists
It is a suffocation like no pain or sore
When blue skies are scary and metal birds only fly straight
What building would you collapse to escape this fate?

Education is nothing if you learn from one room
Or one language, or walk in just one pair of shoes

No, we must know what we know not and be who we aren't
When we haven't one idea of what it is to be a whole, but just one part
Yes, we're different but we can learn that we aren't
Just give it a chance, that's a pretty **** good start

**** that guy and his silly little flat hat, and his ******* drunken chants.
  
Yeah, **** his dysfunctional mother for raising him like that, that twisted little ****.
  
Hell if I had a chance I'd probably go back in time and punch his alcoholic father right in the cumquat.
  
**** him and the way he uses his women, what an ***.

He probably learned all that when his parents weren't around and he had all that time to pass.

Wish I could go back and kick some sense into his little lame ***          

Look at him crushing all those beers with his dude-bros out on his little fratty patio.

Look at him trying to be all complex taking those art classes about 'Versachio,' or some Italian ******* playshow.

**** him for his cat calls and his belligerent ego, **** him for being such a jewel covered under miles of limestone.      

For being interested in art and love,  crowded in the corner of a house he can't even call home.

**** him for wanting to be accepted and admired instead of being alone.

**** me.

Misery is like black chalk on a black chalk board
When paper's my only friend and my pen is my sword
Or a cocked gun loaded with cheap bullets
Doesn't matter where it's pointed, the only way is forward
I don't know how to let out my demons
They're echoing inside of my skull

Your Greek lips could melt souls
Your heart is the only thing that makes mine feel whole
But I can't get to you, I'm still inside
Because your body makes my head a void
When I look at you, I can't look anywhere else
You're so there I feel destroyed

But I can't get to you
You're on the other side of the Berlin wall
And there was never a revolution
I've got nothing to break down your institutions
And my social policies tumble in your presence
You're my lord, and I'm just a lonely tenant
Wish you'd save me, or kick me out
Now doesn't that sound religious?

It's so hard to get to you
When I have to get through you
Because I'm old school in your new news station
I'm an antenna in your static field
And all of my memories are in the radio waves
I can't hear them, but I feel the vibrations
Wish you'd save me from you
Beautiful architect of my world

Where do I seek when all of my friends are antiques
Crooked in the face, a little oblique
The Human Condition is a special boutique
Riddle in with cash for souls
Anything to fill the hole they could not
Buy them out just to watch them rot
You'll see their lives more complex then once thought

There's a board game for those like us
Rolling die and choosing cards
It's much like Russian roulette, but with car crashes and house fires
For some the game may end in a pyre

But if you win you still don't win
You just play the game till your bones melt through your wrinkly old ******* skin
But if you sin enough, you may make the wall of no return, just like the rest of my friends

I walked away from that blurry night
With my back wrapped nakedly in soft silk, tossing and turning in a fight
Your brother in so much pain and your mother in a scurry to find her words
You tell me it's alright, and that there's nothing to fear
But anybody who knows you knows the lies you mend are sincere

I wanted to leave your family there in the fog of that old apartment building and resume myself to the lone cars sifting through the highway by 407
But I knew that I wanted you to follow me to share that peace I've found in the the hours past eleven
And as I walked away on a familiar stranger road
I turned around to expect your goofy smile, a smile that read you would come back with me to see my life
I called out to you, and let my words fight the silent in the night
And as I turned around, all I found was you and your mother far off in the corner of my sight
With a *** and a garden trowel, and you said to me that you'd bring it light
Although your father was never there, and most of your life you'd spent scared, you planted a sunflower in the mourning of his leaving glare
And like northern lights, did the sun rise that morn, when you told me that you wish, like this sunflower, that you could be borned
That although hurt and never to let go, you'd make the best of it, to give light to your scorn

If only I could learn from this, to make the best of everything as you do
But maybe I'm just still waiting for you to come back with me so that we can start new
So that you and I can watch the sunset, and I can find light too

You feel like you're losing yourself when you stop and look at yourself from 3rd person. Most do it unintentionally, but it's because we're constantly being observed, and we don't have the ability to observe ourselves to closely. One wonders, if one is a part of this pseudo-intellectulist culture uprising in these newer generations. One wonders if one is pretentious, but we know we're all trying to sell ourselves. Life should be a fight for ones own pleasure, but we're constantly trying to please others, and that's not how it should be. From a different perspective one forgets who he is, and has to relearn himself. Life becomes a game of masks, but we will never be our true selves unless we learn to put down the mask and be. We need to be, and not become. Because being is that of in the moment, and becoming is that of a 3rd person nature, that of a different perspective. Because we cannot accurately pinpoint who we are becoming, only who we are being. And that is why we are whoever we are at the moment of everyday. This is why we as humans are so beautiful. We are able to alter ourselves at every moment of everyday to become what we've always wanted to be. To be the person that we transpire.. **To be.

If science is what works
Then why do you trust those casino clerks
With their robotic arms and all of their clockwork
How elusive a round clock that makes you think you can start over
In a time where people feed you their linear lies, but you forget when you're sober
Yes the clock sounds in circles, but darling you're getting older

If science is what works then why do you try and paint with water
You've got a beautiful canvas, but you're as unstable as a teeter-totter
The shower head will spin and spin and as amphibious as you feel you may never grow fins
Where you will find yourself on the bathroom floor, made a mess of wine and gin.
If science is what works, then why do you binge?

If science is what works then where do you find yourself in between my pen and my paper
When I struggle to smith words out of granite and slavework
Where imagination paints pictures in more colors then my lead
When I don't know if you're the one guiding my hand or if it's all in my head
Maybe you're a projection, and maybe in my writing I have found a self objection
But if science is what works, then why could you never decipher my sincere affection?
Why do you get along better with those robotic clerks
You and I must be more complex than clockwork
You and I must be more intricate than my own art work

How have I been concious this whole time
I've been driving but I don't remember it, caffeinated eyes, too much on my mind
It was better when my thoughts were more closely knit
When I wouldn't lose myself and I could just throw a fit

Those were the days before the days of death and decay, maybe even back when I would pray
But I don't believe in Jesus or his dad
See he's been dead for a while now, "my bad"
Otherwise he would have intervened, unless he got mad
His omnipotent chi, is turning into an omnipotency, if a consciousness can create everything then why can't I if I can see
I am god, can't you see the light I give off when I allow you to breathe?

Must not be, because my whole life's been a fight
I guess I better pull over and wrong all my rights
Maybe it would have changed my course in life, wouldn't that have been a sight?

If God needs them up there, then I must not need them in my life
Sorry Gary, I'm so selfish for wanting you here
I know you were in pain, and you were in fear
Just miss the talks we used to have over a couple of beers (queer)

I remeber the call like it was yesterday
Your daughter, my bestfriend since my freshman year, called me with tears on her mind, calm and uncollected with shock running through her like her heart monitor couldn't find the rhyme

I said what's wrong and she told me to sit down, she told me you took your life and I couldn't even wrap my head around the idea, you, gone, how did he do it, did he drown?! You wouldn't, you never, you didn't. I replied you're kidding me right, and she didn't respond, and you were.. you weren't there, I know you had gang green man, but you just quit the fight? How do I explain that feeling man, I can't even vent if I can't decode my own speechless rant.

It left your wife heaving, I listened to it every night. Your son will never forget the morning he walked in on your body and couldn't even fathom your death when he never saw you leaving

And Brittany, she loved you, there's  nothing more in life she wanted then to see you when she graduated from basic

I'll never forget the night I helped your son Andrew carry that chair down the stairs with his hands trembling from the thought of it, he'd seen so much blood he'd rather see in gray, and I played it cool because I loved them just like I love you, and the saddest part is for some sick reason I forgive you.

Life is fragile, they tell you about that when you're little, but you never really realize that till it's found you
Like the world shattered into something more real, and it's coming to find and drown you

They like to tell me they're all different
But they all talk in tongues
And I like the way she walks away
When she's on her way to fill up my whiskey
With the ice she chipped off her heart

Am I seeing into you, or are you as transparent as your father
Is it a dead star I taste on your lips
Getting caught up in what you could have been
Getting caught up in what I could have been
And what you left
When you stumbled out with half your clothes this morning

You're the kind of girl who makes me disgusted by my own love songs
And you may be good at flirting, but you're no poet
You left this morning and left the door open
And I haven't worked up the courage to get out of bed and close it

Sick of gamblin'
When you get sick at the end of the night, and you just leave all your tokens in the money robot
Maybe it's somebody else's night to get lucky, you think
I've got a number written on my hand, and I hope it gets washed away
Because moments like you don't ever stay as long as the pain

There's a hole in my stomach
Everything I swallow gets stuck inside of me
All the cheap drinks and the whispers that escape your fragile smile
All the lies inbetween the kitchen tiles

A ghost from my past is playing with fire like an iconoclast
And I'm trying on a new identity, yeah I'm looking through my wardrobe for a different one everyday

Seems like the only thing the music critics see is new adjectives to leave
You're the prettiest puppet I've ever seen
But somebody else is pulling the strings
They're the one making all your words sing

My pockets been spent, but I forgot my wallet was in it
I lost all my power, now I'm mute every time you throw a fit
You're angry because your mind has become a cinema of hypothetical skits
Because you're thinking about it at night, and in morning with your oatmeal and grits
Trying to knit together a torn pocket, you're sitting where you sit, the only thing you've ever done about it is gotten lit
It just keeps tearing apart, you're tearing apart, you're getting sick of it

Do you remember '95 when we were caught in that monsoon
On that cloudy street corner when the moon peaked through
And we could see each others souls
We were like pale ghouls in our youth
And I loved the way you moved

You smirked and said you'd never forget
You said you'd remember this night forever
Like the way the cracks on the sidewalk looked Like a heart next to the bench we sat on
Like the name of the street, and every how every second fleeted faster with every palpatation of your heart
When we thought we could create things because we were quoting Jean Paul Sartre

We laughed at the irony of the songs that came on my iPod
And what our parents would say when we snuck back in at 6 in the morn
It didn't matter, you were everything I adored about the world
Because even after your death would I go to that street corner and see you soar
In the wind you were, always there
In my arms, grabbing my hair
Your weathered soul will always be fair
My ex lover whether you can hear me or not, I will never forget, I will always keep this ring on my finger

Dead TV channels and corn puffs on floor like skinemax and taxes on the poor
Stained coffee tables and sunlight through the glass pane door
The aftermath of ****** and scores
All of us have some kind of drug in our veins and pores

That ***** outdoor patio, with the edgy tattooed girls
Where we used to turn over chairs to find pearls
The 90% would always put us into a swirl
The moonshine would always help us unfurl

Saints on high our porches rumble
Where secrets held are worse than those under the Vatican’s
But we’re as dead as the mannequins
And we’re lost to our ambitions that we humble

Like kindred souls around a fire we lost ourselves to gravity
Our mornings filled with sweet nothings, our nights with serendipity
Where we found peace and home in entropy
In the lull of a dogtown in the middle of the world

Council of my mind
Why do we gather here today?

The wraps around your hands are weathered from your anger
Your passion is whimsical as the wind of the lower valley
Why is it you bounce between boundaries like the hellish grip of possession
Has your confidence not found its way to its obsession?

I've lost my way, yes I know, it's the silence that creeps into my veins and into my bones
That makes me so fragile I could break with the throw of a stone
Most of the time I can move forward like fire
And every breath of vanity feeds oxygen to the fire
I could singe every tree in the forest, but what I seek is hiding in the ocean
I could not grasp her attention for more than a second, it would take a lovers potion

Have you not seen what you have put yourself through to grasp something you can't feel?
You couldn't catch a fish if you had a pole and a reel
Why do you try to can the sardine when you do not have the seal?

I do not mean to keep her in a cage, all I want is for her to be free

Can you not see how happy she is,
Maybe you should leave her the way she is before you scare her back into the sea
Let her roam the land, let her be free
Asking her to dance would be like putting her on a leash

But if she accepts the dance I will not hesitate
If it means her feeling caged then I will join her in fate
It will mean the beginning of a new era bound by heart and by hand
And the end to an era shaped like an hourglass, running out of sand

Sweet recluse
Hiding beneath your sheets
Pale body, shaky heart
Nobody will hear your bird noises in that room
Nobody will sing back
So lonely, I heard you talking to your insomnia
Will we have to cancel Christmas again
You won't see New Years if you're still looking over your shoulder
Please come out your cocoon, cause it's getting colder
Without you

Hotter than a two dollar pistol
On the wake of an eve
The sun burns orange on your eyes
With a thousand tons of divinity
You try to define
But you're only faithful when you can't concieve
When the moon comes 'round
So will all your lies and ***** deeds

Whiskey on the rocks
Colder than your own heart
Casting shadows on your regret
That's the only way you get past
After the sun sets

You kept asking me if this was a test
But you're the only gambler in the family
So what's your best bet
You turn into a different person
At the turn of the moons crest

But who could ever blame you
You are who you are when you're at your best
Trying to take the bad with the good
Till you drink yourself to death
And I am the one to carry your burdened cold body to It's final God ****** rest

Have you ever stared at the wall so long it started to swell
Thought so long you put yourself into a circle of hell
Sitting there on the front porch in your underwear with a cigarette hanging out the corner of your mouth
Breeze flowing through your hair casting your gaze at  splotchy clouds and roughed suburban shingles that line your crooked vision
Haven't shaved or showered for three days
You don't even smoke but for some reason you like that taste of nostalgia
Grades are in the trash, and you don't even have your chess pieces aligned to start playing
Thinking through ever girl you've used, and every other bar you've been to
Now you're stuck
Sitting ***** with a **** eating grin on your mug
There's never been a more lonely sound then the muffled wall sound of two people who are not
Helps you picture the perfect playground for your imagination to take off
Something that speaks in a language you can't decipher with your own clever English
Put down that pencil, to get out of this you're going to need more than a writing utensil
Where are we going to now, you ask?
Dunno, somewhere new, that sounds pretty good.

We're on the verge of breaking through to another side
But you let to soon for us to even say goodbye
We weren't too close, but we could have been
If only we took a moment to understand

So why don't you wake up and get out of that car
So we can rest aside in peace
Because it's better if you just turned around and left a crease
In the corner of the diary you lead
Before you get a papercut, and cease to bleed

Although not a sister of mine
You were the sister of many brothers alongside
That I have grown to cherish, and to love, and to guide
That all wish they could have talked you out of that ride

And as our bloodline runs cold, sister,
Please remember, I wish we could have set our differences aside.

Chewing the same gum for a while now
Late nights, and parties, and fights
About time I spit it out,
Douse the fire, and flare the smoke out

This is an S O S to brain control
We're getting a lot of alcohol down here
It's time to exhale and breathe in fresh air
Kid, you mys as well dig yourself a hole

I speak words, but my words wear masks
They mean more to me, you'll never see what's underneath
Maybe they'll be clearer after we share this flask
And then I can wake up in the morning and breath

And I'll be ****** if I see you show up to my party
I was just trying to reach out
Now my veins run like a still river in doubt
My heart has beat itself out

Should just leave you alone
All I'll ever be is a change in tone
I think I could love again
But the doubts already been reflected in my lens

People are probably more right about me than I've never been
I thought my past was supposed to tell me what I want for my future
But that accident was more than a fender bend

I try to take all the bad with the good
I figure if things happen, that's how they should
But when everything's going okay
Where's the success in that without having to pay
Everything that was ever great becomes transparent
And you lose sight of something that was so opaque

And with the lack of imagery
How will we find symmetry
Your side is perfectly alined
And mine is all white washed from the pine
Don't tell me you're fine
Without me your personality subsides
A man is nothing but his confidence
But you're too caught up in your pompous dance

Even though you're not mine I never want to look at another skyline without you by my side
Sunsets with silhouettes of big trees or city lights or the milky way
What is it that I need to say
Or should I say nothing and let the universe have its way

You give me your time of day here or there, but I wish for days where we can be a pair anywhere
And forgive me if I stare, but I'm just looking for a sense of clarity, here or there, in the dimples of your smile or the way you may play with your hair
Because I don't know if you love me like I do you, if you're saving me for later, or if you even have a clue

Because I looked into you by letting you look into me to see if you could find something worth saving forever
But you got scared, and now it's something we don't talk about, ever

I don't know if you're acting or reacting, but what I feel is chemical, like the way my hairs stand up on my body when I get close to you
Or when I feel so complete whenever I tell you something I tell everyone
Like you're the only one it matters to tell

But who am I to tell you who I am, you can already see part of me in you no matter how hard you push or shove
And no matter what you choose, even if you don't love me like I do you, you will always know in the back of your head that I was the guy you should have loved

But that's not how love works, it's non-sensical
Like a black hole that warps light around it
I'll be wrapped around you like obsessed photons
But you'll never let me in

Caught in a scotch sunset with black chalk trees
Castle thoughts in a mind that scrapes the sea
They call me clouds, my face is blinded
My face is lies, but I hope to find it

Looking blank TV head
Antenna metal like aluminum sheds
Every squeeze and every bite
Of every guy on your promiscuous bed
Sheets that wave while your body sings lies
And your mother whispers her last lullabies

Cutting ties, no formal dinner
Back to bed, mapped hair, mind running on paint thinner
Head so tough, beat sounds a bit dimmer
Kisses only danced lists of wishes and hopes for a sinner
You'll never change, your touch will always simmer

I wonder what it would be like to not leave a note
And have you piece me together
And if I could watch you do it I wonder what you would say
Would you paint me in warm colors, always happy, always caring, never selfish?
Or would you speak to me in hatred through the thin fabric of life and death that we so willfully hang upon
Would those selfish emotions absorb you like they did me
Would you hate me more than I hate myself
Because you loved me for you or because you loved me for me
I don't know if either is better

I'm not always happy, I don't always care, and I am selfish
You don't know me, I dont think you ever will
And I don't want you to, I am evil
I am cynical, I am angry, I am the opposite of empathy
And I think under all that ******* you are too

Maybe it'd be a good lesson for you to see me drift into a quantum fluff
And become all the blips that crowd your radar with existential superstition
And I hope that it's quick, I don't want to see anything flash in front of my eyes
I do not want to see my life pass me by
I don't even want to say goodbye
I just want to be.. No thing.

I never knew myself till I met you
Because I noticed how much of me has become a part of you
I loved connecting with a person so different
Until I realized the difference became the same
And the frame became askewed
And I saw that you weren't you, but a part of me was inside of you
And that's why I wandered away so long ago, with out a clue

Sometimes you forget how to live cause you've been dead for so long
You put your personality in a shed, you couldn't get out of bed
Everything you said, was lead, it dropped to the ground
It wasn't heard by the herd, like you never were around
Makes you want to pound the ground, make your presence known
Cause you're invisible till you pretend like you're wearing a crown
In this town, you gotta be someone you're not, just to get around
That's the kind of vibrations you need to feel, the kind that make the world feel sound

But am I just being loud, or am I actually down?
I can never tell, that's why I'm vigorous
Carry the thought over a couple-a-cigarettes
Or more, try to hit the subject in the core
Get caught up in the question of love, find myself in lust instead
Calloused by the alcohol that's why I feel so dead
Can't ever deliver if I'm thinking about my deliverance
From evil, send me a message so I don't have to deal with these questions
Sick of treading water, wish I could just make some sense

Call me a pope, because life's full of inquisitions
But I feel more like I'm just trying to cope
Or maybe my life is just a test disguised like a lesson
How will I ever know if I'm just stuck on replay, never to find out my acquisition?

"Well it's not me, it's just my decisions"
If you're gonna keep the blueprints then why aren't you building your way out of this prison
Looking up at that glass ceiling is hard to do when it's transparent
When the only thing you've got inside of you, is the only thing that's chilling

Wish I could bend space to match the structure of your face
Untether myself from the ripples that have us destined to be separated
I don't want to be Doppler effected by you, longing for the highs you made me feel
I can put down my bowl and my alcohol
When you're around I don't need anything to make me feel like I'm falling towards heaven
Sometimes I feel like I cant stand it, till I remember you're on this planet

Who'd you lose your breath to this time
Are your feet in the air
Or is the time you spend just spare
Are the notes erratic or have you organized your fall
When you're just wasting time till you fall down
You're a tremor queen without a crown
You're the crust to my core on a planet where no shore meets another shore
I see you over there, but I ask myself "What for?"

Skidding across green waters
Feet like projectiles
Mind seas of the west Nile
Delta ideas pouring through sands as they falter

Yes, I'm a bit troubled
The belief is there is no beliefs to be had
But only ideas passed and doubled
Lock it away in your brainsafe, lad
Can't do it when I'm the only one with the code
Lost in the winter and the cold huddled
It's the only pain killer I have

Everybody's picked apart in here
Not prejudice but constantly pre judging
I'd like to think it's a weapon for self defense
Break it down till everyone's predictable
Condense, haven't had a break from these thoughts since
I forced all those sheep over the fence
Hence all I can do is dream, attempts

Dilute me and drink me up, everything I do  is to cover up
Muffle your voice with brain noises, passive aggressive shut the **** up
I wanna know you, but first I need to know me
It's your turn, tell me how guilty you are
Tell me about who you are under all of your scars

You told me once that your body is a temple, and today I saw it crumble
Your turrets fell to the ground as you joined me in hand and hip
And you jumped from the cradle into my arms
But your palms shook firm like mahogany as you slipped out from your floral silhouette
I held your heart in my hands as it was beating
And you captured me like the Garden of Eden
I never knew you, not all of you at once
Not until today when you revealed every contour and lesion
Every little cadence beneath your breathing
Please don't let this be us peaking
Don't let the years pass by in fleeting
When you start to count your seasons in freedom
Because one day you will reach the end of my imagination
Where people raise pickets of indignation
If this cannot last forever, then shall it be my resignation

I guess you've heard it all
All the sweet cliche romaticize
When they tell you you're the most beautiful
You just roll your eyes and sigh,
It's they who ruin it for the other guys

How am I to convince you that in such a short period of time
You had taken a mime and brought out someone much more sublime
You taught a man with so much inside sounds he never knew he could make
And when there was nothing left to hide
All of his dark emotions had subsided his heart quakes
And his heart filled with something, that for once was one sided
He knew he loved you, at what was something practically first-sighted


There are no tears, his eyes are dry
But maybe that's because he never got to say his goodbyes
Instead he's stuck with a pain inside that was greater than before he met your evil side

But did you lie to him, because you led him on
You confided in him
When tears ran down your face and you told him that he was genuine
Or was that just something cliche of the feminine
Have you ruined it for the rest of them?
He's lost and confused, and often thinks of you
I bet you with feelings as strong as his, he'd make his way back to you
Some how, some way, how will he ever convince you?

Broken glass reflects me
Every time I see a mirror it's impossible to believe
My expectations float upon an unpredictable sea
When will I ever have something just for me

Don't know what's to blame
Can't seem to see the beauty in the universe that I like to say I believe in
When it's clouded by nihilism and insecurities
I think I believe in love but I don't think it believes in me

And they'll ask you how you are
But they only expect one answer
They're not around at night
They don't know my cancer

I play paradox trivia at the break of dawn
Ask myself questions unaswerably
What is this light on my doorstep
What is this eclipse in my mind
What is there to find in a blind spot
Thought my dreams would give me some answer
But I just start over
Hope is a four leaf clover

Watching movies with the volume low it led to an episode
My life gets foggy when I begin to realize it's more like a TV show
And I'm stuck in between scenes, static grows
Who needs music to tell you you're alone
When you're stuck inside your head, it's the only night you've ever known

And they'll ask you how you are
But they only expect one answer
They're not around at night
They don't know my cancer
"I'm good."

Built on a pyre a man of death
A man of belief, searing away from his flesh sheath
A sword of fire, a song of wind
His body is carried into the thin

Night is certain, the moon reminds us of this
Even during day the waves may be ruthless
But without a day's work a night would be fruitless

You are a child, you are bliss, and you know nothing like the rest of us
We can never know a thing for certain
We can only see shadows through a curtain
So believe away and know that you will be safe
We can see what we see but never know why
Nothing is true, nothing is a lie
But would it be stupid to say that we all live in the shadow of the same God?

I take the time everyday to drive outside of my mind
To drive and leave everything deemed important aside
I dream, but I couldn't leave it all behind

They call themselves roots, but I've seen plants walk before
They say they've a heart under that trunk
And they sure as hell can't leave

And the clowns leave the circus to play games
They leave the world to live under a new name
Making jokes that no one ever hears

It's 4 passed 2004
And you're so little hiding under your hair
You're so careless, teenager, you're coming of age in a pretentious rage

And our parents close the blinds
And they changed the codes on the safe when we had almost figured it out
And the paradox resumed, as we got our guns from another house
And we blow holes in the sky
Just to show God we didn't need him to learn how to fly
We blew holes in their brains just to show them what really dies

Let me tell you a story that’s told, a place that’s dark and filled with brimstone
A place that can feel hot or cold, a place where brightness can unfold
Where men abroad are worn thin, some seem to think about little else, but skin
And as they walk their walk and talk their talk what they truly want passes like a gust of wind
The body and mind are acutely fixed, they lose their footing, they’re crossed and tricked
Head strong yet clumsy, tempered like an iron bar, these men will tell you what they think from afar
No real who’s, what’s, where’s or know how, their tongue trebles, it declares, without care or clarity, it cracks like a snare
Preaching strong and wide and broad like the big churches of St. Sinclair singing songs throughout outdated speakers, oh god
The opinions of shepherds are often the rumors of sheep, trapped in gossip like the bonds of viral news excused for tweets
They wear it on their arms and nationalize their pride all while being humble, they claim, but knows not who it harms
They make a point to point fingers for points overwhelmed with the poignant denial they pass off as practical
Cracking irony with their minds white washed from the wash and their thumbs I mistake for calloused ******
This human condition we oft’ know well, is dying right under our nose
Medicine won’t help those who are only concerned with what happens above or below

What is light? If I turn it on, you will see
If I turn it off how am I sure if I cease to be?
It's within this arc that time bleeds
The only time that we can be in two places at once, at vastly different times
Where the resonance of stars still chime

You said time travel was impossible
And I told you, "Maybe not for you, no."

I saw you on the horizon, when I was laying on my back
I was looking at the big dipper, while you were speaking to the southern cross
I can't feel nor touch you, but you're in the wind
And you're whistling Indian hymns

I wish that I could see in your direction
But maybe you are the reason this side of the earth lacks perfection
Would it be foolish to capture your affection and hide it for a needed smile
Cause you dot my life like a melody, bouncing in and out of existence
I fear one day you will crescendo and fade
Like dark matter, you're always hiding under some kind of shade
But you're nothing short of an accolade

I can't find words for your affection
That's why you're the only untitled poem in my collection
And I'll riddle till the day I can grab the grass and touch the moon
Make the world look small, hopefully that day will come soon
Till then I'm just some lanky goon, paining my way to you

Did my finger slip, did I trip on my rhythm?
I killed your soul, with the sleight of my hand
When I had to be, I had to be so **** pessimistic
I told you you'd never understand

There's needles hidden in the ground
You're either hurting or you're calloused
And I'd like to say everything in the world is balanced
But I've run of of things to feel
I had a lot of things that I've wanted but I've lost my fishing pole
And all the string in the reel, when all those ambitions swam away from the shore

What does it take to convince people that I'm lonely and not dependent
Because you feel alone when you can't feel at all
Like you're just here to breath more air into this big blue ball
And float away into the atmosphere

What I wish to feel is beyond my own comprehension
That's why the feeling between real and fake becomes my tension
Where is the reason if life is just a lesson
When I'm dead and gone maybe I'll reach an apprehension
As my ashes journey into the corners of the world
I'll know then, when It's truly a feeling, beyond comprehension

I walk through the cold to see you on your break
I climb through these mental obstacles to be with you, christs sake
They call this **** love, but when I'm left to my thoughts
Everything comes to shove

I told her I want her to be free, that the door on the cage was left wide open
But a few months passed and I started calling her mine
And I couldn't help but close that gate and surpress her ambient shine
I just wanted her to myself, I wanted to drown myself in her love, I wanted to be the only one to see her at her best

See in the beginning I wanted everything for you, and when you opened up to me all I wanted was everything about you to myself, you don't get to choose
See in the beginning I was a stand-up guy, I had funny jokes, little punch lines, and a thing for you, I had everything you wanted, and I knew that.
I abused that, baby, I abused that.

I want you to be free, but you see, I have some problems with me.
I have a problem reconciling my path with yours in this ocean.
Because where in the hell is my compass when every direction looks like North
Where are we, and where are we going
I couldn't make you walk the plank, but maybe you'll just jump overboard

And in the beginning I told you it'd be rough waters
And maybe I knew you weren't the most skilled of sailors
But at least I had faith in something

I cannot conceive of not being
Therefore I cannot die

I think you think to much without doing
And when you're on the brink of it, it's enduring

It comes to you in a different light, but you're on auto pilot and that's the flight
Till you land and if you lost your sight, you can't let yourself think anything but that you're the one who's always right

Let's believe that you're okay, that's the impression you give off when you pretend to pray
There's something you know you want, but all the delegates vote praise nay
So fragile flower won't you let love and lay
Stop thinking so much, just give praise to every day