Dreams do not deem to come true
So it seems
In reality’s timeless charade
I am stuck standing still
Despite effort and will
Amidst all of the progress not made
These failures and trials keep on stealing my smiles
I am lost
Knowing not where to turn
I’m o.k.
Just not well
And if this is not hell
Then why do I suffer and burn?

So weary, my soul
Why can I not let go of this hopelessness?
Am I but ******?
Loneliness keeps me caged
So blank are the pages
Words unspoken forsake what I am
The song is alive
Crying out from inside
Why can I not cypher the tune?
How can I set me free
From my heart’s misery
When I no longer know what to do?

I devour myself
Heart and soul
With words I have so long needed to say
They’re buried inside
Deep within this scarred hide
And they just can’t be spoken today
The time has not come
The fight’s not yet won
I’m still losing myself in the fray
When all I can do
Is to think of but you...
Are you close
Or still so far away?

Sat here between seasons
Summer flowers withering
But autumn yet to hit
The sun's dim light slowly fades
As thicker clouds invade the sky
And my hands shake
While I start a new journal
Page one of a different life
Filled with nervous excitement
Because somewhere down the line
I will finally stop
Stop hurting
Stop hiding
Stop running
Stop lying
And start smiling
It takes time, it takes strength
It takes courage that I don't know I have
But I have to try to shake my dead leaves.