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Yanamari Dec 2023
Be nothing
Feel nothing
Hear nothing
See nothing
Static
Cut.
Yanamari Dec 2023
The hurt will never die
Rather, just temporarily put off
Whether forgotten
Or numbed,
And in the presence
Of remembrance
And vulnerability
How could one's entity
Fathom experiencing anything
But heart ache
As vivid as yesterday,
Last month
Last year
A lifetimes worth of
Sorrow,
Betrayal,
Hurt and
Withdrawal...
How could one's soul
Forget the pain?
PersRef: InstBloEl-Co
Yanamari Dec 2023
Angry distasteful stare
Eyes squinted, affronted glare
Dismissive
In all her care, uncaring
Unwanting of any responsibility
Associated with falsehood
'You're unreasonable'
Emanates without being spoken

How can you begin to even think for yourself
Think of the validity of your perspective
When you're caught overwhelmed and mocked
Belittled in what you think is fair
And I'm stuck with that stare
And you without a care
So often I'm labelled over-sensitive, overly emotional, undermined. It makes me wonder how many people out there would treat my emotions as I'd want them to, with the care, understanding and attentiveness that I desire but do not often receive. Makes me feel distance from those that should be dear to me. Makes no sense, when I'm asked why I don't talk as much as I listen.
Yanamari Dec 2023
Drawn out silence
The seeker and the sought
What would the power imbalance have been
If the sought could only speak

It's overwhelming
To expect and expect
Only to receive silence
Deemed unworthy of attention
Unworthy of acknowledgement

Silence
What would the conversation have been
Had there been even a single word
Uttered
In response
But silence
And a refusal to reciprocate
Such that should they eventually speak
Their words begin to take on that emptiness
And the void grows larger
And already
The upset begins to lose itself in an endless void
And you're stuck in place

How could you forget
When all around you is that silence, resounding
How could you forget
When all this time your ears desired, awaiting
A response they'd never have.
Yanamari Nov 2023
Loud and young
My voice rung
Free in its burdens
Overwhelmed in yearning

Loud and young
My voice blurred
Mixed and buried
In unsettling surroundings, unheard

Silent
Alone
Unmoving
Lost

Whisper scream
Moon for company
Burdens blur simmering
Over clawing emptiness

Slurred speech
Between few
You know
I know you

Like a poor man's stain glass art
Salvaging beauty in broken sentences
What sense would you tell me it would make
To break glass of different colour to make a singular beautiful piece
When that is all I have to work with,
Broken glass
And no glue to piece them
Trying to consciously choose words that are a little cryptic is my usual style, sometimes it takes more time and sometimes it comes naturally
Yanamari Nov 2023
On the back of my hand
My arm
Knee
I leave a kiss
Lingering
Free
Warmth spreading
Goosebumps rising
Mind settling
Floating
Grounding

My love
What more can I give you
What more can I show you
At the limit of my being
My love
What more can I fault you
What more can I demean you
Knowing the fault of my character
But struggling to fix it
My love
Love you so that
You love me
My love
I often think about the story of Narcissus, the youth who spurned his suitors and chose himself over all else...
Yanamari Nov 2023
Limit my interactions
Think before I speak
What purpose comes in order
Will the words that escape my mouth
Hurt me more
Or will they take me to a more peaceful place
I know the dance
I know the steps
My body feels them ingrained
And so maybe this time
I'll take a moment to think
Pause
Before my body moves along
With the tune being played
Pause
Before I step on broken glass
Because I forsook shoes
In a room that I took as familiar
Pause
Pause
Why does this keep happening
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