To think that I'd look at my phone
And hope to hear from you
To have a conversation
That brings a smile on my face
To think that this was once reality
What a rose colored memory

I'm not cut out for loneliness
For abandonment
Or for emptiness

I'm not cut out for lies
For betrayal
Or for back stabbing

I'm not cut out for love
For the brightness
Or for social interaction

I am cut out for being left alone
Being lied to
And being a social outcast

So tired
So sad
Feeling it all slip away from my grasp
Dull eyes
Fake smile
Hoping that this emptiness will either disappear or consume me
Poisoned lungs
Trembling hands
Fearing for the time bomb to go off
Hopefully heart
Naive dreams
Waiting for the light at the end of the road

I sometimes wonder
If he knows what he does to me
If he's aware of how I feel
When he stabs my heart with his harsh words
So uncaring
So poisonous
I sometimes wonder
If he knows he's the source of the coldness
That is making it's way through my heart

There's this thing in me
You can't see it
But I can feel it
Spreading through my body and
Consuming me bit by bit
The black hole of my feelings
Just waiting to swallow me whole

I guess you can call me ****** up
Because there is nothing in me
That is pure enough to touch
That is not broken
That is not tainted by the feeling of hurt
Confusement
Or angst
There is betrayal in me
Sadness
And anger
So leave the ****** up little being
In her cloud of broken dreams

Leave me in the dark
Hidden from the world
Don't shine your flashlight of lies to me
For they blind me
Disorientate me
Make me confused
So leave me in the dark
Because there I'm okay