I've been struggling for quite a while trying to find a series of words to express my happiness in a series of situations.
It's not that I am unhappy. It's simply the idea of happiness doesnt hit you at 3 AM when you're halfway through a mental breakdown, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle back to get rid of the breezes of air that rush through your memories turning your heart into a shattered piece of ice. Happiness is not wishing you were still young and foolish, letting him convince you that he's still in love with you.

Happiness is living with your cold heart on your sleeve, dancing in the rain even if it's just metaphorical, and loving a guy that will never love you back when knowing you'll probably end up being hurt again. It's sitting across your laptop trying to find the right way to explain when you're happy to a bunch of sad souls sitting across from their screens too trying to find refuge in other people's words, trying to find hope that the happiness they're looking for is found by someone else and that they will eventually find it too.

She's the type of girl that isn't single for too long.
She loves the way she has learned to love, hoping one day she'll find someone who has loved as much as she has.
She'll doll herself up, date 5 boys, pick one, and decide that she will love him.
She doesn't feel anything, she waits for the day when she's so predictable that she ceases to exist, but the sad part is that she only fell out of love 2 days ago.

This is a little appreciation that's nowhere near how much you deserve for what you've given up of your life to give us a life.
Everyone talks about birth being the most painful thing in the world, and even though I have never experienced such pain, I know for a fact that there are pains more harsh and harmful than this. The pain of a man you thought would love you forever to criticize you and make you feel like you are less than the queen that you are. He tells you that you were nothing without him when everything he is, is a product of the time you have invested in him and his long and your lonely nights.
I have dreamt of you leaving so many times, finally a caged butterfly set free to finally live the life that she deserves, but I realized that us, your kids, are the ones caging you. As much as I would love to see you be free it pains me because I know that there would be no way for me to show you that the time you invested in me has become a product of something you can be proud of. I am proud of how strong and beautiful you are after all these years of sadness, suffering, and lack of appreciation. You live with a family that you believe to be selfish, and we are, but all the times I thought of leaving and never coming back, I cry at the thought of never seeing you again or letting you down. I love you more than I could show, and so much less than you deserve.
What I'm really trying to say is, everything good that I am, is all because of you.

Rhythm is what brings my senses back to life.
Heart beats
Tapping pens
Clicking of shoes

But somehow I was lost in all of it when heart beats turned into a cry for life and emotion
Tapping pens became my desperation to think of something to say when nothing could be said
And the clicking of shoes is the sound of me walking away from everything I thought would make me happy.

So let's all raise our glasses for new rhythms
New beginnings
More endings
Better heart breaks
And more pathetic lies to tell ourselves

Have you felt so alone and out of place that the voices in your head don't know what to torture you with anymore?
You don't love anything
You can't feel anything
You won't let anything in
It's complete silence and you never seem to breakthrough any of it.
People tell you that you need to find something as a continuation.
An "after" to all my sad poetry
A higher pitch to my sad low singing voice
Happiness again in running around in my room singing and dancing to my favourite song.
The loneliness has scared me so much, it seems comforting now because at least it gives me something to feel.

All the feelings I thought I had for you seemed to disappear faster than my will power to fight for you.
Being doubted is nothing but a selfish way for you to push me away and test my patience but it has never done you any good has it?
I'm forever gone and you never existed nor changed a thing in my life because when you left all I said was
"It could have been worse right?" And went back to loving myself more than anyone or anything in the world.

I swore to myself I wouldn't get too attached.
I promised myself I wouldn't fantasise about you.
I knew there were many many other beautiful girls.
But I didn't know you were so **** charming.
And now...
I think I may have fallen.
For that I am sorry.
See loving you is a mistake.
Letting you in was a mistake.
I made a mistake.
And for that I am sorry.

Because I can't stand the way you love her.
And her friends.
And me.
And my friends.

You can't love all those people because souls aren't made for groups. They're made for pairs.

And after you...

I don't think I can ever find someone else who I can wholly love that much ever again.