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Nov 2017 · 683
Do While
XIII Nov 2017
Would you rather have a longer do while loop?
Should I change the datatypes of the variables stored?
From int
To bigint?

I’d rather not
Coz it should be fixed asap
If it’s a bug
Before it’s too late and the production has gone live
Programmer problems.
Nov 2017 · 630
Pikachu
XIII Nov 2017
You asked me,
"If there's recreation, would you still choose to love me?
I wish it's me.
Sorry, but I wish it's still me."


This is my answer, my love,
**"This is my recreation,
and I still choose you."
Nov 2017 · 434
Lotus Feet
XIII Nov 2017
It's so easy
to judge what you see,
to mock other's decisions,
when you don't actually know what's going on,
when you don't feel the same emotions,
when you're not in that exact same situation.

But, oh well,
it is human's expertise
to always throw judgment.
You're not wearing the same shoes as we are.
Nov 2017 · 711
Partners in Crime
XIII Nov 2017
I can bear all the mockery
I can bear all the insults
Throw them at me, feel free
After all, it is my fault

But what I can't bear is
When they badmouth you
When they treat you like an evil *****
Because I'm the only one who knows it isn't true

They didn't know how much you've suffered
From the hatred I cursed on you
They didn't know how much you've endured
As you let your guilt devour you

They weren't able to see you smile
Even though everything's not fine
They weren't able to see you trying your best
To go through life even though it's the hardest

They weren't able to see you struggle
As you try to become the villain to do what's right
As you swallowed the pain of hurting your lover
When all you ever wanted was to hold him tight

It's all too much for me
Especially when I pushed you to do all these things
When it was me who planted that seed that became everyone's tree
When I was the one to blame for all your pain

And yet despite all these
I chose to become selfish
If I can turn back time
I'd still do the same and make you mine

And yet despite all these
You too chose to become selfish
Because even though for a short time
You didn't want to see me cry

And so with the chance I have
I'll show you again my unchanging love
I'll stand by your side
I'll become your ally

They won't ever understand
And that I won't mind
Even though you'll let go of my hand
I'll fight, and I'm proud
Nov 2017 · 507
Loving You Keeps Me Alive
XIII Nov 2017
You’re the reason of my existence, the one first love that makes me alive
The love that even so many years couldn’t erase
Come back and find the place that’s yours
By my side

You’re my own breath, my open wound
You know I still remain even in your heart, right?
Do not turn away from your own truth
Come to me

From the moment I saw you, everything was transformed
Just whispering your name and my world shakes
Our bond is beyond time, we’re destined to be together
Come back to me once again
Dance with me towards dawn

You’re the only one for me
The only light of my vain existence
Only you makes me complete, my love

From the moment I saw you, even breathing… I can’t even breathe
Just whispering your name and my world shakes

Our bond is beyond time, we’re destined to be together
Now come back to me
Let’s dance together towards dawn
© Loving You Keeps Me Alive by Kim Junsu & Jung Sunah lyrics translation
Dracula The Musical OST
Nov 2017 · 1.1k
Wait for it...
XIII Nov 2017
I have listened to it,
I have felt it,
I have written about it,
all, before you did.
So don't fret
my old friend,
the atonement
for my sins
will soon be here
in just a blink,
just as you wish,
so just wait.
Nov 2017 · 369
Stubborn Heart
XIII Nov 2017
If I loved you a little less
I wouldn't have cried over your farewell message
I wouldn't have thought of regret
I wouldn't have thought of the days without you as a waste

If I loved you a little less
I wouldn't have thought of giving you forgiveness
Or seeing you again face to face
Nor talking to you casually as if nothing happened

If I loved you a little less
It wouldn't have been painful seeing you talk to him
I wouldn't have smiled as if I felt nothing
I wouldn't have felt glee when you turn your phone's mode to airplane

If I loved you a little less
I wouldn't have felt anxious as the end gets nearer
I wouldn't have felt the urge to hug you closer
I wouldn't have asked that little favor

If I loved you a little less
I wouldn't have stared at your lips
And asked for that one final kiss
I wouldn't have felt my love was being reciprocated

If I loved you a little less
That night wouldn't be flashing back repeatedly
I would've slept well entirely
I wouldn't have wished you with me

If I loved you a little less
I wouldn't have chose you over her
Her, with the love, future and security that she offers
I wouldn't have the guts to hurt other people

If I loved you a little less
I wouldn't have stomached being a third party
I wouldn't have accepted you after what you've done to me
I would have cared what others think about me

If I loved you a little less
I wouldn't have agreed to this kind of setup
Like on a death row queue, I voluntarily line up
Except that this is a slow torturous death with a heads up

If I loved you a little less
I would've forced you my beliefs
I would've blackmailed you emotionally
And tied you up just to be with me

If only I have loved you a little less
Just a little less
But I only love you a little,
More and more each day

If only I have loved you a little less
But my love for you was beyond everything
Beyond time, pain, risks, judgment and common sense
Even beyond death, I think

If only I have loved myself a little less
I wouldn't have decided to fight a handicapped game
I wouldn't have swallowed all the hatred and curses thrown at my name
I wouldn't have been able to love you all the same

Curse my stubborn heart for not knowing how to love a little less
It only knows of love that is always at its peak
With only one choice between all or nothing
And it always chooses all, if it's you, right from the very beginning
Nov 2017 · 465
Beelzebub
XIII Nov 2017
A mortal and a maiden
Loved each other
So much that they didn't thought back then
That they'll end

A god betrothed the maiden
Leaving the mortal broken
But after loving himself
He should fight, he realizes

But the only way to fight a god
Is for the mortal to become a Beelzebub
And because he knows their love is mutual
He became the devil; sacrificing it all

The mortal waged war with god
Fights with the maiden on his mind
Fights with all his might
Fights a losing fight

And as the god's final blow struck
As the mortal's body drops
His evilness slowly leaves out
Along with his life

The maiden runs up to him
As they heard the god laughing
"It wasn't a fight that he could've won.
But yours, the maiden's decision."

The mortal heard the maiden weeping
Reached for her hand, with all his strength left
"Even if it was just for the love exhaled from your exhausted breath,
fighting a losing fight was worth it."
Nov 2017 · 271
99.9%
XIII Nov 2017
I am that germ
that holds on to that .1%
chance of surviving.
Nov 2017 · 941
Lechon
XIII Nov 2017
Parang baboy
na binubusog
bago tuhugin,
bago ihawin,
bago patayin.
Like a pig
given a feast
before it is skewered,
before it is roasted,
before it is killed.
Nov 2017 · 235
The Alchemist's Lie
XIII Nov 2017
He lied. The alchemist,
had a secret pocket
near his chest
where there rest
the love that didn't,
couldn't,
wouldn't
fade.
XIII Nov 2017
They’re all happy.
Inspired by Boku Dake ga Inai Machi anime.
Nov 2017 · 280
Jigsaw
XIII Nov 2017
In a jigsaw trap
As the time counts down
I will struggle for my life
And savor the torture and pain
Even though it's Amanda Young's design
Because a slow and painful death
Is what serves me right
Nov 2017 · 215
Negative
XIII Nov 2017
I've already lost a lot
I've already lost count
A few more losses won't make any difference,
would it?
—too many that it's already negative.
Nov 2017 · 243
Cercis siliquastrum
XIII Nov 2017
The beautiful pink petals appear,
as the seedpods dangle.
The blossoms appear before the leaves.
Nov 2017 · 257
Bermuda Triangle
XIII Nov 2017
A love that can easily be mine
It's already in my hand
All I had to do was to grasp
But it was left undone

A love that came back
It still won't come true but
It was still in my hand
And I was taken aback

Being the weakling that I am,
My heart wavered and I was shaken
To the past, I felt regret
To the present, I felt guilt

And now I'm stuck
Which way? Left or right?
And since I can't decide
I am dropping them all, leaving nothing behind

Go! Go all away!
Leave me be for this is where I'll stay
In the middle of nowhere is my imprisonment
To the future, I feel nothing

Love? I won't ever fvcking wish for it
Just let those love I've let go to find it instead
Let them find peace, and maybe someday forgiveness
At my sanity's expense
Nov 2017 · 243
Take me alone, Enma Ai.
XIII Nov 2017
"When one person is cursed, two graves are dug."
© Jigoku Shoujo
Nov 2017 · 244
Well-Deserved Curse
XIII Nov 2017
To love and to be loved is the greatest gift you can ever receive
And I am cursed to not ever have these
Twice, no thrice
And I deserved it
Nov 2017 · 221
Cycle
XIII Nov 2017
My ever-growing fear blocks me again
Not only from fear of getting hurt
But also from the fear of hurting others
But as I fear those things, I'm unknowingly doing them
Sometimes, people hurt others while getting hurt.
XIII Nov 2017
Ber months probably got him going
The lack of warmth and the upcoming winter
Though without snow
Got him in the mood

He got his pen out
Writes numerous twists on the plot
Changing the dull, routinary daily life
Into an action-packed comedy-drama genre with a slice of heist

I wonder how he looks like as he smirks in amusement
From the roller coaster and everyday torment
He casts upon me
Is it self-satisfying, you fvcking sadist?

I am a writer, too
It's karma, no?
Shall I extract revenge on my characters?
Vengeance is so sweet, it's time for another update
Nov 2017 · 223
sapnu puas
XIII Nov 2017
The **** totality of their being was sent.
Is it to your liking?
Nov 2017 · 232
The Alchemist
XIII Nov 2017
The alchemist once turned great love and pain
into hatred
and kept it deep inside his pocket,
walked the land in a journey to love himself.

A new love came,
he fearfully, carefully held it into his hands.
He had forgotten how to,
but he tried his best to cradle it so.

Unexpectedly, an old feeling emerged.
It was so heavy that he had to let
that new love fall to the cement,
watching it get cracked and shattered.

But he had no choice,
his hands were full
and he was a fool
who needs to look at the mirror.

He realized the heaviness
was coming from deep inside his pocket,
he took it out, breaking his hands in the process,
he took a deep sigh, then turns his hatred into forgiveness.

All these time he was bounded
by the thing he thought that'd protect him,
he blew its dust into the wind
and he was finally released from the chain.

But it was too late,
the love he had to let go has rolled away,
only to come back as hatred,
not just one, but multiple pieces.

The equivalent exchange was violated,
it was him who did that in the first place.
He was now left with nothing
but with his transmutation circle.

He lied in that blood-drawn doodle
accepted all the hatred summoned
it all had to happen, he thought
it wasn't all for naught.

The forgiveness he gave
is now the forgiveness he wishes to receive.
Maybe an impossible feat
but he's hoping he'll be given another chance to start again.

The alchemist who used too much alchemy,
now empty-handed, exhausted but free,
finally,
lets out a painfully sorrowful glee.
Nov 2017 · 257
Tulips
XIII Nov 2017
Before 8 transitioned into 9
Two different bodies of water
With flashing blinding circling lights
Tulips overlapped; a re-blooming flower
Tulipa (tulips) is a genus of spring-blooming perennial herbaceous bulbiferous geophytes, dying back after flowering to an underground storage bulb.
Nov 2017 · 1.3k
Ephemeral Rose
XIII Nov 2017
A flower picked
may be short-lived,
but its birth
and death
was meant
to celebrate
this event,
of having courage
to love again.
Sep 2017 · 283
Overthroned
XIII Sep 2017
An angel
and a devil
lives inside a container.

The angel reigns,
writes flowery, sugary kindness
to everyone she meets.

In no time though,
she was abused,
battered and fooled.

And so the devil steps in,
shoving the angel behind him saying,
"Your reign is finished."

The light was veiled,
hidden and sealed,
so that no one can see her pain.

All must be dealt
with darkness—
it's to eat or be eaten.

The angel looked up
at the devil's back—
it is to her utter shock.

**The devil's power
wasn't for destruction and gore,
but was meant to protect her.
I have let the devil reign, to protect my precious, weak, innocent self.
My poems shall follow.
XIII Sep 2017
Your curves
Your lines
Every strokes
I wish it's mine

Your portrait
Your stern trait
When it melts
Huge urge is felt

Jaw opened
To the point of drooling
Lips bit
Sends me imagining

I hold my breath
I grit my teeth
I wet my lips
As my body shakes

Black or white
Or colored in sight
Your beauty seems alive
You're the epitome of my desire

And so I close this book
Put it on a stack of volumes
For this is the painful truth
You're just a character inside **Citrus
To Aihara Mei of Citrus manga.
Sep 2017 · 218
Offspring
XIII Sep 2017
You're the one who gave birth;
You're not the victim;
You're the culprit;
Take a good look at your offspring.

*"Now, aren't you proud, Mama?"
Sep 2017 · 322
Mark of the Ouroboros
XIII Sep 2017
Did you know?

That if you tried to resurrect
someone who's already dead,
you'll create a homunculus
human transmute,
the same person but with its humanity already lost.
Inspired by Fullmetal Alchemist anime series.
Sep 2017 · 287
Beyond the Boundary
XIII Sep 2017
In the boundary where reality and fantasy meets,
lies poetry.
Sep 2017 · 229
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe
XIII Sep 2017
Anger
That had you devoured
Due to the guilt
Caused by words made alive by an ink

Beliefs
That you want me to believe
You want to impose
But I have a mind of my own

Pity
That you want me to see
But I'm out of remorse
You've made me worse

Money
That I've given for free
There's no point having it back
I've given it to a beggar

Introduction
That has no more connection
I don't care at all
If you've completed each other's holes

Regret
That you left
My worth
That you overlooked

Forgiveness
That you don't even deserve
Or I don't want to give
Either way, it's a no *****
Now, which is it?
Sep 2017 · 182
Cinderella
XIII Sep 2017
If the shoe fits,
feel free to walk in it.
Sep 2017 · 228
Narcissus' Sins
XIII Sep 2017
Oh my creeping melancholia
It was seven o'clock
The night is getting deadly
With regrets, fears and sins so eerie

Sloth! Lust! Gluttony!
Wrath! Pride! Envy! and Greed!
I stared at the river that reflects
My beautiful face

If being a hypocrite will clean me
I'd rather be *****
I have to be free
From the judgments your eyes see

If I have to hate myself to deserve your love
No thanks, I pass
Because I love myself more than anyone now
And that's the sin I'm willing to carry 'til I'm gone
Sep 2017 · 202
X
XIII Sep 2017
X
I am forecasting a storm
I am foreseeing doom
But try me
To dance with a devil, are you ready?
It's read as "ten".
Sep 2017 · 1.2k
JP is BACK!
XIII Sep 2017
1,
my hands became so numb
2,
my heart too
3,
I stopped fully
4,
because there's no one to dedicate these for

4,
the once again opened door
3,
there're new sceneries to see
2,
it's time to stand anew
1,
flip new chapters and restart!
I've been in hiatus for four months as a poet due to personal and emotional reasons, which can be obviously seen on my old posted poems.

I'm glad I was able to get back on my feet and write poems again. It's good to be back!
Sep 2017 · 274
Bare Devil
XIII Sep 2017
I'll let you take a peek
Inside the darkness I live in
All the demons I feed
And how rotten I've been

Now, do you dare?
To comfort a psychotic monster
To nestle with a fallen angel
To cuddle with my devils

All of these I bare
For you as a warning
Please beware
Before you totally step in

If you're still determined
To swallow my everything
I'll show you paradise then,
And give you a ticket to heaven
Only for daredevils.
Sep 2017 · 232
Best Served Cold
XIII Sep 2017
Three buildings
No, I didn't miss these
The curved road
The way to prison

Sheep at the entrance
A wolf inside
It passes through them in a blink of an eye
Its acting is oh so fine

An innocent angel glides
Staircase marked with the devil's hands
A seemingly dried paint
Staining who dares to touch it

Avoiding gazes
You couldn't see me
A power of an introvert
That is to never get noticed

With a preserved key
Into an unchanging door ****
What is security?
Heh, you've let your guard down

This place is rotting
To the extent that it sent shivers on my spine
Garments still hanging
Even something that was mine

"Sshh!" Quiet baby!
Hush! Don't be too surprised
I am so glad to see
Your narrowed yet rounded eyes

The wooden chair creaks
The once soft sofa is now stiff
Now, now, don't sniff
It should be me, with all these detergent scent

Little cockroaches running around
Hiding, popping in and out of the cracks
With what you said I felt glee
You want to be like them, free

Why just now?
You could've done it before in rewind
How does it taste?
The pain from twenty-o-one-five

Beauty-less vanity
With that can you foresee?
I just unmasked your true colors
Uglier than any other monsters

Ooops, I cut too much
Of what he considered as his "life"
Now, what?
You will never ever be satisfied

He never knew me anyway
How did you like my introduction?
He can't even take sufferings like my way
He turned the switch on

Alas! It didn't work
Of course it won't
Behold! Humanity at its finest
Do you see the laughing saints?

We have now reversed our roles
True, it is quite forcing
You've made me like this for so long
Is it to your liking?

Red, violet, black, blue
The color of the rainbow signifies me
I'll paint these colors to you
See the root of my tree

With your voice
That's already hoarsed
To me it is pleasure
Your nails have to endure

You're holy? No!
Neither I am
Your tea has gone cold
As I dream with eyes wide open

Going home
What is remorse,
When it was what you deserved?
Alarms go off
Tohoshinki's song 9095 inspired me to write this poem I was urging to write for so long. Finally, I've written it. It'll probably stop bugging my mind now. Right?
Sep 2017 · 285
9095 - 7080
XIII Sep 2017
The manager who seems obliging guides us by saying ‘this way’,
Turning on the light on the long hallway, she says ‘Red to the right’,
The destroyed revolving door; bird of paradise flowers on the floor,
Tarantulas crawling on the satin walls, I turned back and laughed

Where’re you going baby?
I wait on this chair; don’t open your eyes until I count to seven

Pret un, the dewdrops of night on your neck; to the extent that you lost your voice,
Deux, a castle made of blocks that ***** together, to between your fingers,
Trois, the spider web which entangles and entangles like this, continuously,
The sandclock which started to go backwards to 9095

The noise that echoes throughout the long hallway, ‘Have we met before?’,
‘The blue to the left of the red’,
The rusted angel’s wings; yesterday’s dream that has been deferred,
Concealing your eyes from the direction of the claps

Who are you? Tell me baby,
That’s when you put your hand into a mirror that reflects nobody

Et quatre, the scent of nostalgia even on your back, your hot breath,
Cinq, the eyes which rise even in the darkness; if it’s not permitted,
Six, if your tears are reviving, then somehow,
The remains which slowly come to live in 9095

Don’t try to find anything more than this for I’ll be by your side,
Even though you can’t go back once you have opened your eyes,
If you still like it then, silently,

Pret un, the dewdrops of night on your neck; to the extent that you lost your voice,
Deux, a castle made of blocks that ***** together, to between your fingers,
Trois, the spider web which entangles and entangles like this, continuously,
The sandclock which started to go backwards to 9095

Et quatre, the scent of nostalgia even on your back,
Cinq, the eyes which rise even in the darkness,
Six, if your tears are reviving, then somehow,
The remains which slowly come to live in 9095
© 9095 by Tohoshinki English translation.
Lyrics by Jejung.
Sep 2017 · 345
Immortals
XIII Sep 2017
It is said,
That the best time to **** something great
Is when it's still young and defenseless

Today I have intended to ****
Something I know that will
Torture me when it gets big

But it was also said,
That if you fall in love with a poet
You will die, never

I mercilessly killed it
But again, it took a deep breath
Stood up with heart beating, and lived

Because you've written about me
Something that I thought would never be
Thus, giving me immortality

And so in return,
I will let this burn
You too, shall never be gone
Sep 2017 · 361
Weak Knees Weekend
XIII Sep 2017
Friday, 11:00 PM
You said we got to get going
Wait, what? What, wait.
I haven't even started yet

We started walking against my will
As crowds started piling
My throat is drying
But I gotta speak

With weakened knees
I say my feelings
I couldn't even explain
What, why, how, when

You say you don't know
You say you're not sure
Believe me, me too
Take your time to think things through

Saturday morning
I was full of bliss
I've conquered my fear
I was full of cheers

Things stayed the same
No awkwardness to blame
We will remain as friends
I'm fine with that ending

Sunday evening
I started to regret
I shouldn't have said it
I shouldn't have made you think

I thought the truth will set us free
But it only did to me
It caged you to see
Futures with uncertainties

My feelings caused you turmoils
I should've been the only one who suffers
Because I selfishly uttered words
That should've remained gagged in silence

Here is the risk I've taken
Spiting me right in my face
Was it even worth it?
To have you experience unintentional pain

Back to Friday, 11:00 PM,
My throat should've dried up to the extent
That it can't speak
That it won't speak

Take me back to Friday, 11:00 PM
My knees should've been so weak
That I wasn't able to make it to our meeting
And this, wouldn't have happened

Monday, as another weekday starts
We can hear both virtual pens being dragged
To courageously write words that are cowards
'Cause my knees will probably be spineless from this day forward
Sep 2017 · 385
Guess Who's Back!
XIII Sep 2017
To you who rekindled
The fire that was long extinguished
Who thawed the frozen heart
Until it was beating again
To have the numb emotions
Feel again
To you who dug the corpse
Of a dead poet out of the dirt

You didn't mean to
But thank you

For making me feel human again
For making me feel I can write again

I thank you
May 2017 · 589
Fly away, fly away, love
XIII May 2017
Love is like taking in
an injured bird
with broken wings.
You nurse it
back to health
so that one day it can fly again.
Finally it did
leaving you wishing
that it'll someday return your feelings.
But there it is flying
like a fvckin'
b*tch.
Heartbroken,
but then
another chirped
and you give in.
Jan 2017 · 509
Backstitch
XIII Jan 2017
Even backstitches moves forward

...

So, why can't I?
Jan 2017 · 703
Friend Zone
XIII Jan 2017
You could’ve been the next dedication,
the new inspiration,
But you are the once in a blue moon,
the impossible mission

I could’ve written you a poem,
of love, hope, moans and passion,
But I cannot step outside the zone,
because you already have your own
Dec 2016 · 546
Sad :)
XIII Dec 2016
Oh how sad it is to smile a sad smile.
Dec 2016 · 374
Proof
XIII Dec 2016
I had to prove that I love you,
by letting you go.
Nov 2016 · 777
Eclipse
XIII Nov 2016
The sun and the moon
within different timezones
can never ever meet,
and so they wished
for an eclipse.
Nov 2016 · 501
I'll Drag You
XIII Nov 2016
If my forgiveness is your only key to heaven,
you'll probably go to hell..
..with me.
Oct 2016 · 825
Sorry
XIII Oct 2016
Instead of saying I love you,
I say let’s break up
Instead of saying I miss you,
I say let’s forget everything
My heart that keeps beating,
my tears that keep flowing
I’m sorry

I’m sorry for seeing her for the first time
I’m sorry for loving her
I guess you know me and
that’s why you’re hurting more
My passionate heart, I’m really sorry

I’m sorry for letting her go
I’m sorry for hating her
I guess you know me and
that’s why you’re sad again
My tears that are crying, I’m sorry

Instead of saying I love you,
I say let’s break up
Instead of saying I miss you,
I say let’s forget everything
The memories that I’ll miss
more as time goes by
Let’s erase it all
But still, I think of you
Because of this cruel and painful love
My heart that is still beating,
my tears that keep flowing
I’m sorry

My heart, my tears, my memories
Look for you again like a habit
One day, two days, three days pass but
I can’t do anything

Instead of saying take care, I say I love you
Instead of saying be happy, I say I miss you
Your eyes, your breath that
I miss more as time goes by
It fills me up

I’m sorry, I’m sorry,
I keep thinking of you
Because of this cruel and painful love
I don’t even think I can keep the promise
Of trying to meet someone else and being happy
It’s too hard, I don’t think I can do it

My heart that is crying again
My tears that keep flowing
I’m sorry
© Sorry - XIA Junsu lyrics translation.
Aug 2016 · 371
Undergound
XIII Aug 2016
When you are pushed into the corner,
your only escape is under.
Jul 2016 · 448
Escape
XIII Jul 2016
Have you ever been in love that you were hurt so much that your only escape is hate?
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