WickedHope

Feb 2022

Deafening Silence

Y.O.U.

Cute and adorable,
But not the approachable.
A smile that can make the heavens shine,
Oh, how can i make you mine

Mixed emotions commenced within,
Thinking of plans for the world we live in.
Fear and dreads of the past,
I thought not all things will last.

The purity of the heart consumes me,
Not knowing what's supposed to be.
Loving you was all I could think,
Although we are in the process of what to pick.

Tongue-tied and frozen,
You approach me as I'm left unspoken.
The aroma of your hair subsides,
Another moment wasted by the tides

You are one blooming flower,
Nothing can price you, not even a cent or a dollar.
I wish I'd be the one who'll watch you bloom,
Cause losing you will lead me to my doom.

WickedHope Feb 2022

nothing/running/mistake-girl (Pt 2)

Take me to the place the nothings go
At least there i won't be alone
You can't erase the past etched in stone
But you can erase the 'yets' that remain unknown
Yet what we haven't done yet
The beauty of a blank page
The freedom to grow
The freedom to make shape retake break
Break free
Free to be a nothing that is perfect
Not because what is done is gone
But because of what could be
Not erased
Unwritten
This is the story of me

WickedHope Feb 2022

"so alone 'cause I left my heart at home"

nothing bites into my bones the same as your eyes each time I have to say goodbye because **** if my shriveled black little heart doesn't ache at your brilliant heart of gold muffled and dulled by the miles and time zones I lay awake every night hoping for five minutes of just us I lay awake every night so that I might get the first of you when you wake up I am desperate and greedy and for you always needy because you are the light in my life I hope you stay lit I need you to pull through this because if you don't then I die with you no matter what's next with you I'm alive if there's no you then I won't try I can't try you are mine and I am yours you are my only and I am your always and nothing will change how you saved me from normalcy and fallacy and the **** cowardly life I was determined to lead I gave up on everyone and especially myself I let them break me before I got to you and if I had known you were waiting then I'd have waited always and forever for you too but it's my turn to and I'll wait wait wait ten thousand days if I have to just please come back because that can't be the end I can't handle the loss or I'll be buried with my dead but for now I will wait forever and always for you because I didn't when you first needed me to

Miles Away - MFM ft Kellin Quinn makes me fall apart

I miss my husband.

WickedHope Feb 2022

It's Still ****** Even If We Aren't Related

I remember
Deliberately trying
To accidentally
Let you see me naked
Because I thought you could understand me
Sometimes I wonder if you could have
If I hadn't dangled happiness in front of you
And then let it melt away
Into cold, empty, longing
I didn't learn my lesson until after I had left a long trail behind me
Slick and shining under a sad lover's full moon
The silver light reflecting on the blood
And shattered shards sharply slicing
The footsteps that followed mine
I didn't stop to think how
Blinding tugging on heart strings
Would bring down the web connecting us all

Oh baby baby
. . .
Sorry for the dumb **** I did 'cause I was bored. Again.

For BK MS AL AM GB JS JJ AJ MO SC KB AK JR EK KJ and all the ones I was too numb to note...
But not S&J, because somehow, at least once, I made the right call

WickedHope Feb 2022

Splinters break off and their heads get trapped beneath my skin

Blue eyes
Smart lies
Sink into my core
Ten years later
And
You still get to me
A sudden electric connection
That still stings
So good
From the executioners chair

My drafts are like a trashed hotel room scattered with small remnants of you dotting the aftermath

#heartbreak #love #pain #lust

WickedHope Feb 2022

a sticky sweet sadistic lullaby

if i had the room to breathe
i'd tell you what i really think
if i had the sense to leave
i'd run away before you blink
but i'm not in charge
haven't been for a while
i let you back in
greeted with my smile
you make me into nothing
just a puppet to be worn
pull my strings or cut them
make me wish i wasn't born
they all think i'm crazy
what you do to me
feels better when it's hazy
when i'm numb and can't see
i'm itching begging screaming
with need for sweet release
let the dead things spill out
let them leave me please
i'm shakey sickly scared
to be back here again
addict trembling holding
the beginning of the end
i miss the feeling of clarity
of acute euphoric lust
the bitter sting of reality
making all the noise hush
a sticky sweet sadistic lullaby
calming all my bones
the one time you don't touch me
the one time i'm alone
i will always lose
with you i cannot win
red rivers run high
with the tide of sin

..
i cannot live like this
i can't i can't i can't
please please make them stop
i need them to stop i don't want to stop and that's worst part
i want to fall of the cliff so my body matches my heart
its unbearable and i cannot tell a soul
if they really knew me they'd all turn and go

#relapse