"One fast move or I'm gone," I'd thought,
And lo here I am ready to cast everything to the wind like so many sails and
Off again go running, running away from me

now dying uncle too joining ranks of gone
useless ***** has to contradict all I say
one step forward two steps back
why bother to keep disappointing
as they disappointed
done with this seven years empty fight
why tolerate thirty years more
flashbacks nightmares shame dread
ever lurking
perpetual loathing
no lovers left now too late
just empty death
far away from here

The Great Newfoundland novel (summation)

A young man brimming with
Townie **** and vinegar or
Bay boy brimming with obnoxious  bravado

Eventually he leaves and discovers
How people  treat fellow man
Seemingly beaten down
Genetic history Of Newfoundland Truck System

Alongside founders population variance,
Upward spike in heart disease, stroke, diabetes, cancers

Lurks engrained learned hopelessness
Smouldering in "Newfie" jokes
You'd better hope I let it slide
Unless you wanna find out
What a peat moss bog smells like
Or how it feels to freeze to death
Tied to a crucifix

Mute the trumpet of existence
Close the third eye
Disalign chakras
And get off my lawn

I've decided to let go
And lose my mind

tonight I sleep the second most happy Newfoundlander
sleep in all of Ontario, right after the man whom I met tonight at random, who done grew up in Brigus like ol'father
and did know and respect gone good ol'grandfather who I only met perhaps as bundled babe cradled in-arm old pictures of him

The solution to 21st century decline is Apparently increased competition
Higher grades, better schools, more Degrees, extra curricular activities, Volunteering, unpaid internships

Until you can't keep up anymore and the Rat race falls apart, you're facing mounting Student debt, employers say you are Simultaneously under and overqualified, You've developed mental illness from years Of incessant perfectionism and no one Gives a **** anymore, not even you

The mainlander mantra
'A frozen rock in the Atlantic
Is not a paradise'
I don't  buy it

Ashing on the pain, wonder if I lost my way?
Check in with me when you can sweetheart
You’re beautiful and people love you
Try not to see things in terms of pain
You think you've caused others – your family, you said
That’s not why we are here
People are in our lives because we care about them
It’s about helping each other to be who we want to be, as best we can

People aren't meant to be weighed and measured
Which sometimes doesn't mean much, I know
But what scares me most about giving up is then
I won’t know what happens tomorrow
I think “what if?”
And luckily often I start to imagine things that I could miss
Things I want, things I deserve

Weird that only in desperation does that become salient enough to register
Whether we believe it or not, usually we all have those little dreams
Bits of hope buried deep down
That if uncovered can keep us afloat just a little longer

Ever if things are truly black
I just hope you’re okay
And I really want you to stay
Even if it is just a little longer
Let me know you’re there, safe

I drink and smoke and pop
It's never enough
All bruised and used up
Who will see what's left of me
Too late now
Take another one

Trying to do laundry but the voices in my head call to me from the dark abyss.

The blue sumner sky and light summer breeze somehow make my insides freeze insidiously and I want to hide but my apartment is hardly a lesser nightmare.

No where to hide they are coming for me and so they should I deserve to have the sky coming crushing down on me.

Trust no one. Not even myself. They're coming, where's my knife.

I'll **** on your soul and swallow you whole
Make you mine
In time you'll come to realize how far past the thin white line
You have come
Undone, exactly how I like you
With all your scars shown, tattoos exposed
******* and bones and piercings
Bleeding from deviated nose thru which you can't smell
Breathe me in, every detail at once, as I breathe you
It's never enough

The whole world, your bruised knees
Bring the full weight of your hate to bear on me
Kick and scratch and punch and scream
I feel nothing but your desperate attempts to cave my skull in

all chumps and chimpanzees gathered
round the fire roasting rotten meat
we are our ancestors no new species
evolutionary hubris we still drag
clubbed mongoloid feet
bashing out sabre tooth wisdom
on rocks in our pathetic
primordial little caves
hidden in these layers of abstraction
the alpha males still ****** the world
but now with bombs and jet planes
banks and bankers and atms and credit
thinking why bother but to get ******
i take tiger over sniveling banker or
manager who wont hire for
i lick not his bootheels
nor crawl up his
gaping ***
wound

Eat old words
Full of next day shame hangover remorse
How stupid to think you could feel Anything for Me
What am I
But a source of attention
To boost your confidence

I drink this same day bourbon
To forget about you half so easily

Lucidity is overrated
I'll die high and forgetting

I'm gonna be a ****** mountain ranger
My friends will be the baers and trees

Waking up in another city in another province. It's not quite as crazy as it sounds but a shock nonetheless, this wasn't my house, wasn't my bed.

Picked me up outside a restaurant after she parted ways with me to go to work. I guess you could say we were getting that work too.

I insist that I hid some for the next day, before heading to her house, femme du jour...Really I had just smoked it all up.

Tore apart apartment looking for it - true ****** behavior, as we pieced together the better part of a week three sheets to the wind.

Is it really too late now? Obsessed with illusory thresholds, something a child would do.

I think it was too late three years ago when we found you blue. What a strange and foamy gurgle emitted when we pounded on your chest. ***** and human but distinctly lifeless.

It is really too late now, three years and running. You were stunning in the morning sun like an angel (how I hate judeochristian metaphors a bitter exhale), finally at peace.

coffee shop introvert
some  latte *******
on his ******* phone

grey sky February government town
hiding with bad tidings wearing government straight jacket gowns

i need a drink
i need a line
i need a heart attack
its not worth my time

i need a joint
i need my beer with lime
chock full oxy
ready to die (heads)
flip a dime

Scrabble at cannabis culture
Vacations and volcano bags
Can't remember who won
Can remember was spun
Pop an addy, go for another run
****** friends for life
We get lifted

tendrils of panic
shoot up mine spine
remembering last night
nightmare

i couldn't taste anything
tongue narcotic numb

visions of the island
visions of home
panicking heart drops sick
the ocean now too far away

visions of the girl in the cute skirt
can't stop either
remember talking
remember biting
hungry for everything to be different
but startlingly the same

Tall boys and xanax bars
Days blur and summer sun rays fade into
Rainy Vancouver-Seattle apathy

Wake up to drizzling
Mild & tired (slow burn)
With vague self satisfaction Oceanside
Pacific west coast Canadian paradise

I'll tell you when upper Eastside vibe
Subsides back to parliamentary
Green city Ottawa grandpa
Sleeping anyway

I am pig warm in my blanket

****** volume decibels denuded

God called and the bottle answered

Can't hear no sound

Empty callused cold little town

Convinced will swallow me whole

Will they release white winged ones

After I Hunter S Thompson

"Hold on honey" shotgun shot blast?

See soon enough

Won't we

Highway Masticators
Sly sky high flask terminator
I'm coming for you boy
See you real soon

A dove
              weaves
      1000
             wings
        hungry
            lil
       ***** fixes
                          herself a little snack....
          like
"commes des
                **** down"
But tired,
                    I sleep now in discrete pieces
  When finally norephinephrine
          Dries up, the Dopamine Transporter
                 Ceases to run itself in reverse
                          And the volume
                              Puts me to sleep

Have you ever felt
Like you were going to die taking a ****
Sweating profusely and barely able
To walk
Like Elvis

I had a nightmare
And that was
Waking up to another nightmare
Trapped

       Can't get out sick feeling
         Gut rot everyone's dropping

Life is violence
Then you die
Alone

Mid rise bodies
On horizon

We live well
here, Do we?

Above, away,around
Remanents

Sleeping with the fishes or, fish sleeping
While still swimming
Either way I could **** in your hat
And yea, you'd still be brimming
And yea, I'd still be sinning,
Spinning like a sacrilegious dreidel
All hard edges

Cook for one
Eat in the dark
Bright rectangles
Crosshairs
Deer in headlights
Pump the gas

Buddy I'll take a pass at you
Wit yer face
Some cuteeeeee

D'you think when we develop robots with Advanced artificial intelligence
They'll be gendered
Will they have spectrum gender or Binary
Will there be a R(obot)LGBT

Amphetamine psychosis is a *****
She'll steal yer wallet

transient single serving friends now soon long forgotten
cute little quips and long forgotten lines quoted to each other
oh how in depth our minute long conversations spewing minutiae
sick little bedside Prousts as if we had read any of them
but instead really just quote from technology that
makes us lazy shrinking short term memory capacity for facts
'why remember what we can look up on hip-attached devices?'
lose another piece of soul to post-post-post-industrial post-consumerism
post-modernism-shhhh-pedantic

I want to meet her kid
I want to see baby Anna too
Afraid I'll taint them
With my morose
Existential nihilism
So tiring and dessicated

I am broken bruised used up body
You are an empty ruse
Used to suss me out
Fork in road tongued snake
Eating up all the leftover soul goodness

You can squeeze the life out of me
Smiling up at you grateful
My fallen angel Prometheus

move to small island village
bartend at only bar
serve drunk Irishmen
sleep soundly

You stand laughing at my third screen cracked phone, cigarette 'twixt yer talons
My dedication to connectivity supercedes
My fear of glass shards embedding in my
Eagerly swiping soft fingers
Lord knows I dont work with these
Lazy writer hands
"Keeps laughing at me missus
I shows you"

I was sick and high waiting for you to die
Still crying from all the lying
That brought us here
Where nightmare bears stare from
Blackened soot silt laden forest
Rotten flesh half metal to the bone
Like Russian krokodil addict
Nervous system trashed
Rotting from the inside
Only left with sickening regret
His name on your chest so
Can't ever forget

Youth hasn't fled, it’s just passed down
As the weight of the world pushes on us, shrinking our discs
And the sound of crashing, crushing waves washing over
Stones rounded by millions of years
From the seabed, from the tilted pool bottom
Staring up at the world passing by, murkily

Are they talking to me? Talking about us?
Though I strain and strain to believe
I just can’t tell, it’s too far to see
Waking with a start, cold ichorous blood
Chilled to the bone, seeing vermilion

That first desperate breath filling the lungs
With iron laden tongue
Sanguine tasting mouth
I've read that we are motivated to live to find out what happens
How does the story end?

The adderall admiral
The ****** stallion
You down by a fifth
I'm up on a gallon

See crimson red sky sunset
Over city I hate
Makes me want to cry
Sends electric at shocks up my spine
Could be all the ******* sickness
Coursing through my broken down veins

30 tall boys of ****** beer
A loaf of garlic bread
8balls that never make it
To the pool table

weekend
saturday after
wilin last night
designer shirt
computer chair
808s
tired eyes
wise cracks about quaaludes
this ******* thinks
he's Kinsey
or something

what if i never make it
what if forever squirrel chasing
adhd society incompatibility
smothers me worse than disbelief
'o he's just lazy'
when really am crying
head buried deep in pillow
the **** of yr jokes
ol spacecase duke

screaming cursing hitting self
cutting arms
scars of failure
failing falling
fulfillment

never good enough
fall behind others
sooner give up
jump

what more is there to say
stare at red carpet flashbacks
acid appearance of algae bloom
blocking out the sun

beautiful death sentence writ
frozen like the petrified forest
where we used to hide

see thru clear to caustic rot
voices inside screaming ouroboros
you turn to ash
like so many cigarettes pursed
and i am glad it's the end

Out of bed sweating with
Bottle of wine nightmares
Evil thought process
I am the demon
It is my fault
Twitching sick all hell's fury
Come for thee
Come for me
Soul sick laughing
I know what's next
Eat me or laugh
Pep pill peppermint paddy
Addy scrip quit
Or some quip
O we all struggle with focus i ***** blood
On liar face

Wish I could run away
Wish it wasn't too late
In over my head
In over my head
No place to go
No fields to sow
Or ducks in a row
Nothing go show
But bruised broken
Wrinkled carcass of me
Was never Adam
Ate whole basket
Forbidden fruit