You try to reach me,
But I'm too far gone
And you're not the only one
To try and save me
To get me out of the rain
But I'm drowning in my pain
And there's nothing you can do
Nothing anyone can say
To make want to come in today
I'm just a drifter
I'm already done
I gave up on chasing the sun
I'm grown up now
And the dreams are gone
The illusions that made me carry on,
I've given up hope
And really, so should you
Because there's nothing you can do
To make me want to stay
I'm not coming in today
Please just let me play
In the soft rain

Another year older,
Should feel special,
Should feel sweet
But instead, it feels like any other day
I wore slightly more comfy clothes
And that's all that marks it
Besides a few close friends
Saying happy birthday to me
The big 18th year of life
Should feel special
Should feel sweet
But instead, it's lost in the monotony
The melancholy of my life
Repetitious routine
The every day pattern of my days
As they drag on, ever so slowly
Losing me in the monotonous melancholy
Should be special
Should be sweet
But instead, it's just me

I've made it 4 hours without my iPod
And I'm proud of myself
I haven't spilled blood yet
But you're pushing it darling
Without Metallica to calm me down
Your words take on a new sound
I have no Marylyn Manson right now
So you might want to ******* or bow
I might just break something
On you maybe, or myself
I'm not a violent person see?
So my angers turned inward on me
And the blade becomes my friend again
This dreadful off and on relationship
Drawing me in and spitting me out
And I honestly hate everything about
Everything that the blade touches
Evry thing it represents
But I just can't help it
It's already under my skin
Already a part of me
As I make a new line,
I tell myself just this last time
But we both know,
This blade and me,
We both know
I can't help myself

I don't want a kiss.
Just a hug, please
I just want to be held
I need comfort
Can you do that for me?
Could you please?
And I promise, if you do this
Next time, you can have your way

I thought maybe
For a minute there
After I mentioned that I was now
-after all this time-
Finally eighteen
-which means finally legal-
I think you might've considered
Might've thought about us
About the possibility
And I wanted to tell then you then
-I've always loved you-
But I just nodded
And chuckled a little
And then you just smiled
And mentioned that -now-
Your parents would let me
Stay at your house

She wears black
Traditional mourning colors
So for who does she mourn?
She hasn't lost anyone
Except herself
She mourns lost dreams
She mourns lost hopes
Wishes that never came
Her stolen innocence
She mourns the blood she lost
Flowing red from her wrists
She mourns the breath she can't take
As she hangs from the rope
Her last attempt at learning to cope

The incessant clock ticking
Is driving me out of my mind
Waiting for that bell to chime
Counting the seconds until 9:39
Knowing it's just one part of the day
A little section of time put away
Wondering why the **** I bothered to get up
Why my breathing refuses to stop
And why, ******* it, does my heart still beat?
It's annoying really, the constant thump-thump
Of blood being pushed through my worthless body
I wish it would all just stop
I'm over this whole living thing
Getting up at 6:30 just to waste away
These long as ****, pointless days
I close my eyes for just a second
Trying to rest my overworked mind
And there's another ******* minion
So called authority figure
Tapping at my ******* shoulder
Won't let me ******* be
They're too blind to see
That I'm already dying.
And starting to rot away

We don't always get what we want
Life just doesn't work that way,
It's fair in it's unfairness to everyone
Favoring none over the other
Rejecting and damaging us all
In some unique way
We don't always get what we want
People are ******* *******,
We're generally self serving
Generally selfish beings
Trying to take what we want
Without care for what they want
We don't always get what we want
So stop asking me about **** you want done
You want to see my progress I haven't made
But, unfortunately for us all
We don't always get what we want

Lost in the music of childhood Saturday afternoons
Never before realizing
The broken soul she purged through impassioned verse and powerful refrains
This same music offering insight and healing
Songs wailed from the depths of my being
Tears burn my tired eyes
As I cry, never having realized i lived her pain
I am living it now, through my own wounds
Wounds i borrowed from her broken heart