Jay M

Jay M Jun 2019

I'm only human
Aren't I?

I clean
I care
I run about
Like a headless chicken
For what?
Nothing.

Knives in my heart
In my back
Protruding from my legs
That have ran miles
And will walk
Thousands more

Was it worth the fight?
Living, I mean
Living with no defense
But your own fists
Turned upon yourself?

No, I suppose not
Even so
Here I stand
Never to release it
Into the open air
So innocent
Until I breathe
Into the vastness
Polluting it
Making it harder and harder to breathe...

- Jay M
June 22nd, 2019

#contemplating

Jun 2019

Empire

Deceptive

I’m so terribly deceptive
I look sweet, don’t I?
I act kind, don’t I?
I speak wisely, don’t I?
Ahh, but you don’t see my heart
Within me lies corruption
I am fallen
I am broken
And truly, I love it
Which frightens me, sickens me
Yet I do not mean it any less...
There’s this potential within me
I could be so destructive
But I don’t want to hurt you, really...
So I guess I will have to do...

Jay M Jun 2019

The Inexplicable

Everyday
It gets a little
Colder
I grow a little
Older

I do what I can
To feel alive
Prove to myself
My broken heart is still beating
But
It gets harder and harder
And when I fall
I shatter
Again
And again

When I'm put back together
A piece is left behind
In that world
Of misery
Lingering
Forevermore
In the inexplicable...

- Jay M
June 21st, 2019

#inexplicable

Jay M Jun 2019

The Ride

Seated in the rain
Singing the same
Sad song
Playing in my heart
In my head
For only I to hear
To understand

Scared to live
Scared to die
Time races by
I'm just a passenger
But I'm supposed to be
The conductor
So why
Am I just taking the ride?

Laying back
On the edge
Here I lay
Paralyzed
Of everything
But really
Just one thing;
Me

Just feeling numb
No control
It's been a while
So
I suppose
I want anything
To have a little
Over myself

One...
I let the water run
Crashing over me
It's taking over me
Taken over me

Two...
Let the memories in
Replaying, over and over
Like voices
In my head

Three...
I hold my breath
Silently scream
Trying to let it go
But they won't let me go
These **** memories

Four...
I lift up my head
To the clouds
How it is to soar
I wonder
But
I shall never know
For I am bound
To the ground
Where I shall one day be
From whence I came

- Jay M
June 21st, 2019

#everything #stress #overwhelmed

Jay M Jun 2019

The Ocean

I see the sky
Oh how it is blue
Reflecting the majority
The mass below it
Stretching far and wide
The ocean

- Jay M
June 21st, 2019

#ocean

Jun 2019

Empire

Tension (tw?)

My existence aches
I don’t know why
Every muscle tense
I can’t get comfortable
I want to dissolve
Into nothingness
I don’t know why
I want to cause pain
It’ll give me a reason
To hurt
My hands trying to move
To where the marks can hide
So instead I type
Maybe I can trick them
Into thinking they’ve done
Their dark deed

Jun 2019

Empire

Wrong

It’s amazing how quickly I can shift
My moods are always wild
Absolutely no consistency
Just two days ago
I had the best day I’ve had in months
Maybe even all year
And now
I sit here
Pathetic
Disgusting
Solitary
And I can’t tell
If I feel nothing
Or if I’m in intense pain
I want to drown
I want to hurt
I want to laugh
Idk
I’m just..... wrong.....

Almost certainly will take this down later