in two year's time
you won't remember
my favorite color
or my favorite food

in five year's time
you won't remember
the texture of my hair
or the feel of my skin

in ten year's time
you won't remember
my name or my hair color
except that they were both odd

in fifteen year's time
you won't remember
exactly what i looked like
(were her eyes blue or green?)
except that you thought i was pretty

in twenty year's time
you won't remember
me at all

except when you're hanging out at the bar
with the guys from work
and you talk about young romance
and you say
"there was once this girl,
but i can't remember
her name"

**** those people who said it only gets better.
They lied to us.
They lied to you and me
and all the other kids with tear soaked cheeks
and problems with substances/self harm/depression.

It gets better
but its got to get bad first.

It took me years of tears to realize
that things will get better.
They will.
They may get worse first,
they may stay the same for a while,
they may get better and return ten times worse
but they will get better.
They have to.

i think you're perfect
but i don't think we would be
your personality is softer
but your feelings and actions
are much harsher

if i were raised a little less like my mother
wanted me to be
showing me what not to do
as she placed the cigarette between her lips
maybe we would have been more alike

i know your internal struggles and feelings
all too well
as they are ones i've experienced before
and experience now

although your friends problems seem
all too real
as compared to mine
which are all in my head

I give up, but only for a day.

I surrender today over to substances
and habits.

I give today to self loathing
and self pity.

I lend today to writing and erasing
writing and erasing
writing and erasing.

I allow today to not matter.

Your mother told you kissing me must be like kissing an ashtray.
You told her you'd rather kiss this ashtray
than the sweetest strawberries.

Why did you say that?

imagine: there are two bodies floating
at the top of the lake, and you know them
by name-  one is the girl who has always
loved you, and the other is the girl you
have always loved, even though she tells you
she could never love you back. both are
drowning, do you save one, or do you
drown too?

Sell your dope.
Sell the last of it
and the first of it.

No, don't rail it tonight,
you know you'll just end up
shooting it tomorrow.

Sell your dope.
Sell it cheap
and sell all of it.

Buy roses,
buy chocolates,
buy gas.

Ask her on a date,
to the movies,
to dinner.

Sell your dope,
and kiss her.
What is more important?

You know what is more important.
Your high will last 4 hours, maybe five.
The feeling of her lips will linger.

The feeling of her lips will linger.
Sell your dope,
fall in love.

i will never make the mistake
of letting anyone that close to me
ever again

it's gone too far
too long
too fast

it's been too much
too soon

it's not your fault, not really
but you deserve someone
who knows exactly
what they want

you just have bad timing

A curse of the gamer,
Not  knowing the sun,
Also knowing trinary,
two zero one.

Very anti social,
Give us wide girth,
Lowly right now,
We'll inherit the earth!