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The day
after we met
I never thought I’d
be relieved that you were gone

but

Breaking up with you was like
taking off my socks
at the end of
the day.
He gave me dead flowers
So I can smell them every day
The rotten petals falling
The color of decay

The washed out sunflower
The dehydrated leaves
The mold on the water
The color of debris

The richly red rose
Now drooping to the floor
The color of love
Existed no more

But still I saved the flowers
And smelled them every day
And watered them with tears
To let them grow again.
your love is grey
it doesn't feel cold
I never feel warm

your love is grey
I don't feel it
sometimes I only want to see it

your heart is broken
I swim deep waters
to reach the missing pieces

I cut my wings
to keep you warm

why is your love so grey?
never get a smile
or expression of pain

not a sound of love
or sight of hate
Hey God girl
Tell me where we're going

Where are you
Me and you

Tell me when we're going
Are we falling

My fallen angel
I think you'll fade away

Don't come down
I feel your voice
Your heavenly hands graze my skin

Your wings
burn so bright

God Girl
Tell me are we going

I love it
I love it

I'll tell you

You're fading into me
I love it
Fall into me
I want it

I'll make you feel disgusting
feel emotions
make you cry
make you sad,
mad
crave it like a human

You will hate it

Only
then you're late
so fallen

No return to heaven
I'm everything I didn't want to be
I'm everything you hate of me
can I take off this mask
can I let my tears fall
I wonder what's it like to leave you
I wonder what it's like to leave and never come back

I took your hand
thinking we could swim away
paradise ahead
you pulled me down
I'm running out of breath
please let me go
I'm trying to find my surface
I'm drowning
inside me
inside you

we're so cold
we're so cold
we don't love each other enough
to save ourselves
I can't achieve anything
while she brings me down
this place brings me down
I bring myself down

If you love me
I hate you

even if I leave
I'll always come back
The man always claims that I am triggered.
But there’s some things he’s left unconsidered.

Sure, I am triggered. And rightfully so.
When a man can use his pinkie to use
parts of me I’ll never get back, and throw
me to a cycle of escaping abuse.

Rightfully so when a man can tell me
my experiences are not enough
to really warrant my ptsd.
When they can tell me my life’s not tough.

Rightfully so when a man claims to know
the true inner workings of the woman,
when he’s planted the seeds we’ve seen him sow
And refused to reap, blaming us for sin.

When a woman feels passionate about
what hurts her, what’s unfair, what pains her heart,
when she wants to disprove the hate you spout,
your reaction is what sets you apart.

they’re the reason when I’m truly triggered,
the light inside me has always flickered.
 Nov 2018 Valentine Matheson
CAM
You look me in the eyes and ask why not
But I wonder why

You ask me how I know,
But I wonder why I wouldn't.

You ask me why I'm me
I wonder why I wouldn't be.
there’s a girl
with pretty brown eyes
and the biggest smile that flashes
as she walks past you in the halls
she never seems to carry a frown
or be anything but happy
she carries an aura that makes you think of the color yellow
and people notice in her walk
and in her talk
that she is never troubled
this brown-eyed girl
comes home every sundown
with tear stained cheeks as her head hits the pillow
and is left with a sleepless night full of thoughts and dreams
she rehearsed that if anyone asked
she would respond with
“I’m used to it.”
may 8, 2018 (10:02 PM)
you’re my sunday morning
the feeling of sleeping past sunrise
waking up with a smile
you’re my first cup of coffee
when the rooster calls
my only hopes of getting through the day
you’re my lemonade
on a scorching august day
ice clinking in the glass with each refreshing drink
you give me a reason to believe that
even though “people always leave”
some are always meant to stay
april 24, 2018 (12:17 AM)
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