Suicide this, suicide that
all I hear is how they know it
how much knowledge they can tell
because they have the purpose to say it
and their commentaries of hate

Did you know?
Do you know?
How it felt when the voices
when their words are on repeat
and my soul made up of paper
is scribbled by ***** names

When the darkeness is my lover
and it embraces me with hate
no place to run to
no person to care
All I could do is be in a corner
I sat and rocked myself to sleep
hoping the scary lullabies
will give me a little peace

It hurts. Did you know
My head hurts with all I'm thinking
and my resolve is frozen in
I was touched by coldness of a monster
but I found a warmth instead
for it gave me a little vision
that everything will end

That is suicide, it is self-free
a one way road to run to
if the void inside ablaze
and yes, maybe it is selfish
but let me think and breathe
for many years I have been fighting
don't I have a right to wish?
for all the pain to be over
for a freedom to embrace

Did you know?
Do you know?
Suicide this, suicide that
Stop. Stop your happy endings
there is no cure to my self-hate

I thought it was me,
when the contours of your brows lifted in muse
hazel eyes that grow lighter when it connects to mine
with the turquoise colour, you intendendly chose
the clothes fitted you, like nobody else can wore
you see, the gazes you gave comforted me
and it gave me the boost
I felt a little bit attractive, had a little worth
with enthusiasm I look forward to the day once a week
where I get to stare at you senseless, daydream like a spell

I thought it was me,
but one day my waiting abruptly ended
and there is no place for me to stare
I stick around lonely hallways
just to see your pretty face
nobody told me the story
no one intends to care
till I found out one Monday morning
that you eventually left

No, I am not broken hearted
I did not like you that way
I just felt a little weightless
to know the truth awaits
that the fancy gazes you gave me
they're for somebody else
I find it a little funny
but I stood and looked ahead
someday in the far future
I will attract a flame
and somewhere in the universe
will be a teardrop for your pain

The doppelganger, a former lover
in the streets of burning papers
behind an old tank of grease
found yesterdays memories
wrapped in plastic bottles
a map is written
to find me
again.

Physical pain
I have forgotten
how it felt
to wince
and cry
to want it to stop

Physical pain
a mere dot
when I have gone through
a pain for heart
bullet through mind
burned soul
yet alive

Physical pain
do you hear me?
when I beg for help
to feel
for tears
and blood

Physical pain
are you deaf?
or am I,
am I the one
who don't listen
you were there
yet I,
I did not care

She is a smoker
no matter how people told her
to stop and breathe for life
She still smokes
oh! dear god
help the poor girl
heal her heart

A joint of bad memories
lit with fire from her eyes
she inhales the regrets
and intakes the hatred
she smoked and smoked
until she herself
she became hate