In the black of night,
I remain as ashes
tight and comforted
by a feeling of nothing.
I am burnt, I have decayed,
but I still am
And so as I rest in nothing
and look around to see.. nothing
I know I am anything but nothing.
I am ashes.
I am torn.
But I am.
In this dark, I have light.
It’s just that no one else can see it.

Out in the darkest corners
And in the rush of people,
Among the tyrants and sinners,
Confusion and fear,
There I am.
With sleeves coming down to the floor,
Pants that fit my father,
A hat that would cover my whole head.
There I was.
Remembering my kin
And my home,
And the promises made by them
About the joys that would come to me once I left
They had no value.
It was like a lie.
What was I to do in a place of no order,
Where everything I had to do was new?
Where peace and calm never dawned upon me,
And my shoulders would be heavy with the weight of my life,
And my heart would be struck by an anxious blade.
There, I was.
So I held onto to the sweet voice in my head,
And step by step I made it to my bed
Small and hopeless,
While I was supposed to be strong.
There my mother came,
And held me for a while
While her hair brushed against my arm,
And her diamond eyes let tears fall,
Drops of pain that showed me love
And I cried too.
Everything began to disappear,
and silence overtook the chaos,
I felt the strongest in the arms of my mother
And I felt no shame.
There I was,
There, I am.
And there I will be

Everywhere I look
and see,
there is judgement.
On every face,
smile,
grin,
pair of eyes,
there is judgement.
In every push,
every word
and written note
or media post,
there is judgement.

And I ask,
"why?"
to the light within my heart,
but a different voice answers--
one of hatred,
and evil.
It told me of a tree
that offered good and evil,
and that evil has since cursed the hearts of many
and lives inside us all.

But I knew, that the shadows had not cursed me yet,
for I held the virtues in my heart,
like a shield against the blasphemy.

So I looked to the walls.
Cement and brick stacked up and up,
was my joy.
For on the walls were signs of color,
and love
and acceptance.
On the walls hung pictures,
of tremendous feats made
by the most intelligent of men--
inspiration that waited for me every day.
And they were solid,
static,
always offering me a glimpse into what could have been,
if good had slayed the evil,
and opened up our souls.

But every day I notice cracks
in the brick,
and melting of cement,
I knew Satan held the upper hand.
He was in every room,
every thought,
and every judgement.

But why should I care?
The walls shall not collapse
while I still roam these halls,

there is still hope for me.

If Satan lurks by judgment's guise,
slowly tearing down the light,
I will be in happiness--

For what have I to worry?
I say, "Let the curse spread!"
Let it tear the world apart,

In 500 years or so,
judgment will be no more

and I will have had the walls to myself.

There is time for me,
but for the future none will be left,

and the walls will crumble.

The dystopian regime
will reign soon,
but when my bones have already turned to dust.

I can hold on and pray,
for the future ones to weep on the ground--
facing eternal judgment,
in the fire that burns below.

The walls will crumble,

But by then the skies will have welcomed me,

and with the angles by my side

I will enjoy the last laugh.

A grain of sand on the ocean floor
Loved by the ocean’s embrace
I am.

If I stay broken
I won’t have to get up
to be knocked down countless times

And I can slowly heal, fractured
Like a dark knight.

We share a home knitted sweater
That says, “Love Makes Everything Better”
We canoodle on the couch
Made solely of leather
And we brush our teeth together,
Infinitely tethered..

Every moment
Of every day
I wish
I could’ve been
smarter
Richer,
Just more to be proud of,
But she promised
she’ll still love me forever.

And if her words break me,
I’ll marry the weather

If her tongue shakes me
I’ll kiss her goodbye

I think about the moment when we break apart
I’ve never cried harder

Her tearing my heart out,
Fleeing our safe ground,
Feeling weighed down.

If she leaves some of me would die
I have zero doubt

But a woman doesn’t make me,

She can only take my love

She can only tear me down

But it’s a risk I’m willing to take

Doesn’t matter if I’m only blinded by her voice
Doesn’t matter if I’m walking off the edge of my ship
Doesn’t matter if I fall into the deepest pits of hell

Cause a women doesn’t make me,
But she can still **** me inside

My beautiful siren
Won’t you be my bittersweet bride..