I don’t want you
Can’t you see that
Can’t you leave me alone
Because when you aren’t here
I can ignore every part of me
That’s screaming I still want you
So just stay away now
Please
Why do you have to tempt me
With your devil smile
And your wicked tricks
Don’t draw me near
Just to push me away again
Because I don’t want to want you
Anymore
I hate you with every part of me
Everything that I am
Hates you
And what you did to me
And I wish you would keep away
So I wouldn’t have to hate myself
Wouldn’t have to hate every part of me
That longs for you
Still
Keep away wicked man
Keep away from my fragile heart

Why do you weep so
What is it you mourn this time
What shred of innocence
Has been taken from you now
Why do you hide so
What is it you fear this time
What terror that haunts you
Keeps you from your sleep
Why do you bleed so
What is it has cut you this time
What dagger has struck you
And wielded by whom
Why do you scream so
Who grips at your neck
What darkness prevents your breathing
And where has it risen from now
How can I help you
How can you ever hope to be free
What thing could save you
From the ghosts of your past

I will be strong without you
For I can mourn your loss no more
Though this time it is truth
Not my own demons like before
Before you leave forever
I would ask you do one more thing
Sit by my side once more
And I will spill my darkness from within
But this time I do not want for you
Though I want you all the same
The feelings that are drowning me
Are too complex to be named
I hold my breath to fight the pain
Or at least to fight the tears
That threaten to consume me
As I fall in a whirlpool of my fears
So before you leave for good this time
I beg you sit by my side
Talk to me as we once did
And allow me to say goodbye

It forever walks behind me
It is always at my side
And even if I wanted to
There is no where that I can hide
It follows in my footsteps
Watching every move that I make
It’s there for all my happiness
But witnesses all my mistakes
It holds my hand when it is needed
It will never leave me be
But even when I wish to be alone
It will not take leave of me
When fear grips at my beating heart
And my eyes are filled with tears
It will grip me tight and hold me fast
Until my path is crystal clear
As I stumble down a hazy road
And try to keep from falling
And brush off all the little bugs
And try to stop my skin from crawling
No matter how I plead with it
It seems you cannot see
No matter how I beg of it
It will not let me be
So perhaps I must succumb to love
And accept that I cannot be rid of it
So I will have to carry on anyway
And maybe it will be for my benefit
So I will not ****** my hand away
And there is nothing to be scared of
Because I know it will be there for me
My precious shadow that is called love

I’m really ****** up you know
Sometimes I just think about that
I’ve spent so much time in the dark
Surrounded by nothing but my own demons
And everything I feared
I went mad
Not the crazy, shrieking type of mad
The quiet type of mad
The one that stares blankly
When inside their heads all they hear is screaming

I’m really ****** up you know
I spent so much time being punished
For no reason
Just because it was the will of the wicked
And so I came to expect it
And I became so **** afraid

I’m really ****** up you know
It’s like I’m drowning oh so slowly
I gasp for breathe and I think I can survive
But the next wave comes and pulls me under
And I am surrounded by all the water that suffocated me before
So I’m sorry if I cry
And you just can’t understand why I’m so afraid
Because you don’t know
You can’t imagine what I am

I’m really ****** up you know
So when you hear my story
When I trust you with my pain
Don’t look at me and wonder why I dig my nails into my palm
Don’t wonder why my knuckles are ****** and bruised
Because you don’t understand
Pain is my only constant
The only thing that hasn’t left me

I’m really ****** up you know
But I’m not destroyed
Because although I have suffered every punishment that the world could throw
I’m still here
I hope you realised what that means
I hope you know how much easier it would have been to give up and fade away
And how tempted I was
Because I wasn’t strong
And I just couldn’t cope with a constant onslaught of loneliness and misery

I’m really ****** up you know
But when you see me smile
Don’t doubt my story
But weep with joy for me
Because the simple smile that you see is nothing short of a miracle
And if you could see everything I have been through
You would know how ****** up I am
But you would be surprised that I’m alive
And you might even say
That I deserve to smile

If I told you my story would you listen
Or would you wince at my words
Would you put your fingers in your ears
As I told you where it hurt
Would you take my hands and look at me
Look deep into my eyes
And stem the pain I have suffered
Tell me I’ve had enough goodbyes
That you intend to stay with me
And take away my pain
And wash away those memories
And make me young again
Would you cry as I told the story
Of everything I have been through
Or would you just stay with me
So the only thing still strong was you
As I finished up my mournful song
Would you say you loved me still
Or would you never see me again
Just the girl that pain has killed
But this will never ever happen
I will never let it be
Because no one else will hear this
The only one who will suffer is me

It hurts
Every time I take a step
It burns
But I’m not giving up get
I smile
But inside I am screaming
I laugh
But I hope that I’m dreaming
This dream is a nightmare
And now I’m inside
Trapped in my head
And there’s nowhere to hide
I still keep on trying
Everyday
But this pain is working
To take me away
Pounding and pounding
At the gates of my mind
Telling me constantly
I can’t leave it behind
But please believe that I’m trying
With all that I know
You need to trust me
I’m not ready to go
It’s getting hard to breathe now
But I won’t tell you a thing
Because the only thing I still know
Is that I won’t let it win

When I was young
I had you
We had each other
For everything we’d do
We did what we wanted
And we knew we were free
And everyone knew
What you were to me
We smiled at the moon
And laughed at the stars
And we climbed up that hill
And counted the cars
Then we ran all the way down
And we screamed in delight
And nothing could stop us
Not by day or by night
But now we are older
And look where we are
I still have you
But we have travelled so far
We aren’t happy now
We aren’t free anymore
we aren’t little girls
We aren’t young like before
We grew up too quickly
And we need each other again
We’ll never be the same
The little girls we were then

A cup in one hand
My pen in the other
I can start to move on
And I heal myself further
With the help of a man
not the one I need
But maybe he is exactly
What I need him to be
Kind and caring
With a glint in his eye
Not giving a ****
As the people pass by
An endless ability
To take away my pain
to drag me from the darkness
And make me smile again
It’s not the same love I feel
But it’s almost as strong
Maybe this is how it should have been
What I needed all along
Just a person to talk to
To take away my fear
To listen to my sadness
And share with me a tear
I don’t need him anymore
The man I yearned for all that time
I can honestly say I wouldn’t care
If he never would be mine
Because I found a friend In all this war
I found another man
Who helped me want to live again
And showed me that I can

I’m tired of living
For everyone but me
I’m tired of being
What you need me to be
I’m tired of helping
Everyone but myself
Tired of trying
To live for everyone else
But I can try to be happy
And I can try to be me
To become that girl
That I hope that you see
Because I have so much to live for
And so much I can do
And I’m tired of knowing
That I’m doing all this for you
Although you may love me
Which you know means a lot
You can’t force me to become
A person I’m not
I’m dark but I’m happy
I’m cold but I smile
So just listen to my voice
And I’ll stay here a while
I know that you saved me
I will never forget
But I need to live for me now
And I haven’t started yet

My eyes are dark
A hollow window inside
Where everything evil
All the monsters hide
Do not be mistaken
I’m not what you see
I’m not all those things
That you want me to be
I’m damaged and blackened
Like a cloud in a storm
Beware of my lighting
So much stronger than before
My love is all gone now
I know you don’t know
But I’m so close to death now
But you won’t let me go
I just keep on living
A day at a time
I’m living for you now
My life isn’t mine
I just want to leave this
To be free from my pain
But I wake up again now
And it starts over again

I’ve got no strings
To hold me down
To make me laugh
Or make me frown
I’ve got no one
I let them go
There’s no one left
I’m all alone
I’ve left it all
It all behind
There’s nothing left
Nothing to find
I just can’t stop
I need to cry
It’s so bizarre
I don’t know why
My heart is gone
Broken in two
And who’s to blame?
I know it’s you
They all just took
My life away
I’m empty now
No more to say

Hush little baby don’t say a word
Don’t listen to the cruel things you’ve heard
And if those harsh things find a way in
Just ignore them and know they won’t win
And if your heart feels as though it’s made of glass
And you feel that its pumping too fast
Just come out from there and look me in the eye
And no I can’t give you a reason why
And if you find that I am not enough
Then find you a man who looks real tough
And if that man can’t care for your soul
Just come back to me and I’ll make you whole

Here I am now
Sharp eyes in the dark
You’ll scream if you see me
Or wake with a start
Because I am it
I am what you all fear
You may keep your distance
For if you get too near
You’ll see what I am
And what I’ve become
Hissing and spitting
And it can’t be undone
I’m broken and shattered
Rewritten with pain
Theres no way to return me
Back to myself again
This is who I am
With my blackened heart
I watched as i rotted
As my life fell apart
I watched as I lost
Every part of my brain
And now you may judge me
You may call me insane
But you have not witnessed
All the things that I’ve done
And you have not looked
Down the barrel of this gun
Loaded and pointed
Right in my face
But too scared to look up
I hang my head in disgrace
But why am I hiding?
There’s not point anymore
There’s nothing too dangerous
When you’ve nothing to live for

I don’t notice you come in
How strange
I never thought this would happen
But oh how things change
I don’t need your approval
Don’t need your smile
I don’t belong to you now
And I haven’t for a while
I couldn’t feel it
As you slipped away
As I let you go
And more with each day
I don’t need your love
I don’t need you now
I’m breaking free from this
But I really don’t know how
I couldn’t imagine
Escaping your hold
My life revolved around you
But I’m out in the cold
And yet I don’t feel it
I don’t need you anymore
I might not love you
I might have won this war

My bones are broken
My eyes are raw
I’m not the same girl
As I was before
I’m battered and broken
Weary and old
Not in body but spirit
Or so I am told
Nothing matters now
But I still care too much
I want to be free now
But all that I touch
Shrivels and blackens
It all turns to coal
Everything has been tainted
By the dark in my soul
I’m being punished
I’m serving my time
I try to get through this
Keep saying ‘I’m fine’
But that’s just lies
The stuff that I say
To keep myself going
As my life slips away

How many people I’ve lost
All the friends passing through
But I can’t get too close
So what do I do?
When everyone I care about
Everyone I need
Just leaves me here broken
What a sad life indeed
I rely on these people
I trust them with my heart
I cry with them
And talk to them
And smile when we’re apart
About happy conversations
And all the jokes and laughs
But I can’t stop to hold on
Or catch them as they pass
You’ve still got me he says
But now he must go
I promise I won’t leave you
How could they know
How many people I’ve trusted
That all have gone past
One day if I’m lucky
One of them will last

I see you round corners
In the reflections of windows
Sometimes I feel you there
When I look in the shadows
I feel you are waiting
And I know you are close
But no one else can see you
Yet wherever I go
I can see you are watching
Waiting for me to loose my grip
Because I have to hold tightly
Or else I will slip
I’ve been so close
And I feel you with every breath
But that’s what happens
When you’re dancing with death

I needed you
I was dying
Too quickly
Falling in to the darkness
And I couldn’t get a grip
You were my handhold
My lifeline
You saved me
My love for you
Was keeping me alive

But the line is round my neck now
It’s tightening
My hands are bleeding
From holding
I need to let go
But I can’t
So what do I do
I can’t escape my love for you

Cut me open
Look inside
Beneath broken bones
I am alive
And everything I’ve lost
Has left a scar
So continue your search
But don’t go too far
Into the corners
And the dark despair
If you really look closely
You’ll see everywhere
The pain of love
Of loving you so
And how the cracks would deepen
Every time you chose to go
Because I loved you so much
But it tore me apart
I know you can see this
As you hold my beating heart

What do you want?
Who do you want me to be?
What can I do
When you say I can’t be me
These are tears of frustration
And I can’t help but cry
I feel so much hatred
But it’s directed inside
You tell me to change
But worry when I do
So how can I cope now
I’ll change to please you

Enjoy your freedom but don’t look too close
Or you’ll see these stone walls that keep you enclosed
These hidden fences
Wherever you look
Now you see your cage
And all that it took
Was a look to the left  
And a look to the right
Then the truth came upon you
There was no freedom in sight
You had always been trapped
In a cage made of lies
society tricked you
And they covered your eyes
So you couldn’t see them
Couldn’t see what they do
But the truth is they whisper
No freedom for you

I’ve tried you know
You must see that
I fought all the snakes
Who hissed and spat
All the evil that this world could throw
I did not waver
Did not let them know
How weak I was
How broken inside
And I held my head low
In shame as I cried
Because I am so weary
From all of this war
And I’m not the same person
As I was before
Everything’s fading
All the things that I was
I don’t know what to do now
And I know it’s because
You gave me this pain
And thought I could fight
But I can’t any longer
I can’t sleep at night
I am haunted by ghosts
Of the people I’ve lost
And I’m haunted by day
And there is a high cost
The cost is my soul
And my sanity
Can’t you see I’m done fighting
Please just set me free

I wish that you would love me
I’m hoping that you’ll try
That one day you will look at me
And you’ll begin to cry
For everything you could have had
And everything you don’t
You’ll wish you loved me sooner
But now I’m losing hope
I look in to your eyes my dear
I look in to your soul
I wish that I would see me there
But now I just feel cold
I know you’ll never love me
I know you’ll never try
But one day I hope you’ll look at me
You’ll look into my eyes
You’ll see the things we could have had
And all the things we don’t
And maybe then
You’ll feel my love
But by then it will be gone