it starts with the ritual—
the line drawn neat,
a surgeon’s precision,
your hands shaking
but steady enough
to carve the moment.
the dollar bill rolls up,
tight as your chest,
your lungs bracing
for the burn
that always comes
too fast,
too much,
but never enough.
it’s like snorting the edge of a knife,
sharp, raw,
your brain lights up,
every nerve screaming
hallelujah
and oh, God,
at the same time.
your teeth clench,
your jaw locks
like a rusted door.
the world is too bright,
too loud,
but for a moment,
you are invincible,
a God
built on powder and lies.
then it settles in—
slow, like regret,
like a lover slipping out
in the middle of the night,
and you’re left
with the silence,
the empty mirror,
the body you no longer own.
you tell yourself
you can stop—
later.
next time.
tomorrow.
but the tomorrow you picture
isn’t real.
it’s just another lie
you snort,
crush,
chase.
the powder doesn’t fix you—
it just smooths the cracks,
fills the holes
for a moment.
but you can feel them widening,
feel yourself
slipping through,
and still,
you go back,
because at least the fall
is familiar.