another pen runs out of ink,
your cup is empty.
and your eyes see a desert.
it's 5:33am and you're wide awake
but your body aches
and your chest is heavy
and yet again your find yourself
bombed, and hurt.
but no one hurt you.
your mind continues to linger in the past
haunting your every move.
it's screaming "you've ****** up"
and you know it speaks the truth.
because why else would you feel the way you do?
you turn on the radio, loud as it can go
to drown out  the mutters
of disappointment
but nothing helps
because you're internally
scratching and clawing at yourself.
"what can I do?" "make it stop"
no, there is nothing.
so you sit in your own dismay
and you wait for a distant change
that you may never see.

I remember when you told me
you'd always
be there and comfort me.
regardless of words
actions always spoke louder
and it was apparent
that your hormonal needs
were far more important
than my emotional needs.
do you realize that broke us?
everything that we stood for
diminished the moment you said
"I love you"
because naivety and suppleness
took over my body
like a demon
and told me to be sure of the words
we spoke to eachother.
little did we know, it broke us
and I'm glad.
because it was all a lie
and all you wanted was intimate "love"
that I refused to give you.